Today's Topics:
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scribe-boy Final Part
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From: "Roy M. Randall" <zeroy@netcom.com>
Message-Id: <199503261550.HAA28373@netcom13.netcom.com>
Subject:
To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Date: Sun, 26 Mar 1995 07:50:28 -0800 (PST)
It is heartening to see that all the SubGenius missionary work among the
poor beknighted heathen of AngleLand has paid off in spades. However, I
must point out that there has been a dearth of dreck from the Home Front
lately. Have we forgotten that "Bob" chose to reveal himself first among
the 'Murcans? Don't we have a Tradition to uphold? No? Well, fuck me
with a six foot, hot riveted plantain!
Not that I wish to dis the Old Country. I have heard that once the sun
never set upon their empire. But how then did they sleep? And where did
this story come from? The History Books! And in what language were those
books written? English! I rest my case.
While these hoary bastards were out mining fruit, our ancestors were
throwing tea into the Boston harbor. What was THAT all about? Not, as
some would say, for some "political statement". It was a request, nay, a
DEMAND, to knock it off with the tea already and send over some goddam
beer, ale, stout, lager, something with a HEAD on it. But did they? All
we ever saw were a few bottles of Bass Ale and they were overpriced.
So we had to make our own. AND IT SUCKED like a Hoover on steroids! But
we didn't let that bother us. WE DRANK IT ANYWAY AND WE LIKED IT. And
because we had to suffer, so we inflicted it upon the world so that all
could appreciate the character building effects of sucking down ice cold
budweiser. For verily, how will they recognize Slack lest it be taken
from them?
Still, no matter what their skills in Industrial Fruit Production, the
natives of that small islet (with their quaint monarchy of inbred
mutants) have no inside track to Slack. Ask any person who has skin
darker than a lab rat and they'll tell you that the white race is Satan
Incarnate and that the Anglo-Saxons are the whitest of all. But Pinkness
knows no racial boundaries. I might be willing to believe that some of
those ancient blue-painted Brits who so impressed J. Caesar with their
antics might have had a drop or two of Yeti blood.
All this matters little. I have documents which PROVE BEYOND A SHADOW OF
DOUBT that the entire universe sprang into existence a week ago Tuesday
at 8:25 am PST! The whole story will be published soon in my book: "What
It Is" by Roy M. Randall, Fucking Genius; Vantage Press. IGNORE THESE
FACTS AT YOUR OWN PERIL!
-- Roy M. Randall, FG | Inconsequential Systems, Inc. | Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball. zeroy@netcom.com |------------------------------
Date: Sun, 26 Mar 1995 11:42:42 -0500 Message-Id: <199503261642.LAA28515@hoh.mbl.edu> To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu From: heather eisthen <heisthen@mbl.edu> Subject:
mark slutsky (couldn't you have come up with a better name than that?) writes:
>It seems to me that if I take in the correct amount of information (always a >very large amount) and concentrate on it extremely hard, I can force a huge >build-up of cranial pressure.
well, mark, it turns out that you are correct. it may not take as much work as you think, though. in fact, we are all probably putting ourselves at risk merely by reading this list. herewith a lovely item from that bastion of slack, the weekly world news.
don't say you weren't warned. enjoy. headth heisthen@mbl.edu
________________ HOW TO TELL IF YOUR HEAD'S ABOUT TO BLOW UP
