Today's Topics:
B-Boyz?
Killed by falling slack
More signs of the End Times...
Send money
Speaking of "SUBSCRIBE ME GIMME BOB"
subscription info
The New Age
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Message-Id: <m0rwjKi-0001aKC@net-abuse.org>
To: "Kevin at Paranoia" <kevintx@paranoia.com>
cc: chet@paranoia.com, don@paranoia.com, subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Subject: B-Boyz?
In-Reply-To: <m0rwesS-0006QsC@primus.paranoia.com>
Date: Thu, 06 Apr 1995 00:38:16 -0400
From: Doctor Lizardo <lizardo@net-abuse.org>
>On a completely unrelated note.. have any of you heard very much about
>Microsoft's Bob(tm)?
I completely, totally, and officially DENOUNCE Microsoft's Bob(tm) as a
cheap and disgusting attempt by high level CONSPIRACY SCIENTISTS
within Microsoft to STEAL PROFIT from "Bob"(tm) (note subtle difference)
by taking advantage of the latent desire for "Bob" present in so many
individuals, not only STEALING THE PROFIT but also misleading these
suckers into believing that their craving for "Bob" has been satisfied
when in fact there is NOTHING, ONLY MICROSOFT.
On the other hand, they'll get what they deserve.
-- Dr. Lizardo <lizardo@net-abuse.org> http://net-abuse.org/~lizardo/------------------------------
Date: Thu, 6 Apr 95 2:37:07 EDT From: Dagger-man <jimthing@eden.rutgers.edu> To: subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu Subject: Killed by falling slack Message-ID: <CMM-RU.1.4.797150227.jimthing@er6.rutgers.edu>
I was sitting quietly in front of television last night absorbing vast quantities of live-threatening propaganda and spine-throttling pink subversion sound/vision/texture hypnosis when I found myself suddenly...
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Message-Id: <n1414933801.72719@nocmsmgw.harvard.edu> Date: 6 Apr 1995 17:22:01 -0400 From: Davis <davis@nocmsmgw.harvard.edu> Subject: More signs of the End Times... To: subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Subliminal Data presents...
More signs of the End Times (as seen around the Boston, MA area):
- Grocery stores which have 300 ft isles devoted entirely to potato chips, sugar-infested breakfast foods, or even bottled water, yet have tiny produce sections featuring extremely expensive, yet blighted and rotting fruit and vegetables. Coming soon: "low fat" food hype replaced by "low mercury" meals and "reduced radiation" snacks.
- Cellular phone antennas on almost every car - even beat-up Chrysler K-cars. Far more successful than the "little red ball on the car radio antenna" cult. Coming soon: wireless networking technology makes everyone a 24-hour a day employee (sans slack).
- Cutsey, gold-leaf "Espresso-Cappuccino" signs nailed up on almost every building. Coming soon: new blight virus wipes out entire Colombian coffee crop; price-gouging and widespread panic among hopelessly addicted coffee house patrons. "Dutch Mocha Speedballs" become the new craze at "coffee" houses. Look for bright new "Espresso-Cappuccino" signs on all buildings and/or piles of rubble after X-day (Of course, YOU'LL be on those "escape" saucers to planet x, right?). Nothing BUT espresso/cappuccino to drink, for those unlucky enough to survive.
- "Gourmet" applied to potato chips, water, even cat food in an attempt to fully utilize false-slack gratification subroutines of normals. Working extremely well. Coming soon: "Professional" toilet paper; "Gourmet" laxatives; "Premium" enemas.
- Millions of consumers rush to be part of the "information superhighway", spend huge amounts of money and time to browse "Net Shopping" WWW pages. Meanwhile, world outside goes completely to hell. No one bothers to notice.
- Pedestrians and bicyclists spotted wearing hazardous environment filter masks in a futile attempt to avoid air pollution (I'm not kidding - I've seen people wearing them!). Coming soon: bottled air sales surpass bottled water sales.
Ha ha ha! Just kidding. They wouldn't be doing any of that on purpose, would they?
"Take four red capsules. In ten minutes, take two more. Help is on the way."
Alexander Davis Signals Collection Officer Subliminal Data davis@davis.harvard.edu
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Date: Thu, 6 Apr 1995 10:32:33 -0400 (EDT) From: daniel aaron schlosser <aaronius@wam.umd.edu> To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu cc: daniel aaron schlosser <Aaronius@wam.umd.edu> Subject: Send money Message-ID: <Pine.ULT.3.91.950406101848.11829C-100000@rac9.wam.umd.edu>
I am summoned to relate a message telepathically implanted into me from the terrible Uncle Dirtnap himself. He requests that all you wealthy Subgenii (both of you) send gobs of money to Stang so that he can finish and release the Subgenius/Negativland album. Such a harsh lashing of the Conspiracy could only be managed by Dirtnap himself, but since he is currently in hiding...waiting, we must bide our time with the skills of Negativland and the biggie Subgenii. Do not believe for a second that you can elude the wrath of Uncle Dirtnap if you do not fulfill his request. He knows who you are. Do not be too surprised when you wake up in a pool of your own blood and urine. Of course, you will simply judging by the smell, for he will surely remove the eyes and place them somewhere unpleasant. This warning is but a courtesy. Rabbi Aaronius
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Message-Id: <m0rwjR4-0001aKC@net-abuse.org> To: subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu Subject: Speaking of "SUBSCRIBE ME GIMME BOB" Date: Thu, 06 Apr 1995 00:44:50 -0400 From: Doctor Lizardo <lizardo@net-abuse.org>
I would only hope that these people get some sort of delightful treat for their failed attempt to join the list. Maybe we should send these folks an ASCII order form telling them to send $5 to Me in order to be added to the list.
-- Dr. Lizardo <lizardo@net-abuse.org> http://net-abuse.org/~lizardo/------------------------------
Message-Id: <199504061656.MAA21997@nic.iii.net> Date: Thu, 06 Apr 1995 12:56:52 -0400 To: subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu From: Brian B <bobo@berg.iii.net> Subject: subscription info
please send me info on subscribing to the newsletter
thanks Brian Give me slack or give me food ( or kill me)
Something for Nothing it can all be yours Everything you know IS true BOB IS THE PROOF
Visit my Web Page at http://www.iii.net/users/bobo.html
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Date: Thu, 6 Apr 1995 10:17:20 -0400 (EDT) From: daniel aaron schlosser <aaronius@wam.umd.edu> To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu cc: daniel aaron schlosser <Aaronius@wam.umd.edu> Subject: The New Age Message-ID: <Pine.ULT.3.91.950406100627.11829B-100000@rac9.wam.umd.edu>
Hello, slackers, I thought you a/v geeks would like to know that "Bob"Dobbs is mentioned on the film currently avialable on video called "The New Age" Peter Wellers (Naked Lunch, Robocop) is in telemarketing and magically becomes an incredible salesman simply by claiming to be "Bob" Dobbs, the legendary salesman himself. Well, that's not exactly what happens, nevertheless it is a cool movie. The mention of "Bob" might have something to do with the Subgenius infiltration of the movie's production, most notably Mark Mothersbaugh, who does the soundtrack. Anyway, the sampling potential of those few lines make this movie a must. It also makes poignant statements about the Conspiracy. Next time you have some Slack, check it out. An Underling to the Fearsome Uncle Dirtnap, Rabbi Aaronius
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End of Subgenius Digest ******************************
