Today's Topics:
(4 msgs)
A queen has been found!
B-Boyz?
It's hard to be a Saint in the (Ho Chi Min) City....
Microsoft's ripoff of "Bob"
More signs of the End Times...
Radiation? You bet!
Slack's where you take it
SubGenRefs
(plus 1 message with no subject line)
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Message-Id: <199504070816.DAA08206@home.interaccess.com>
Date: Fri, 07 Apr 1995 03:16:36 -0500
To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
From: Brian Thomas <bthomas@interaccess.com>
Subject:
>>On a completely unrelated note.. have any of you heard very much about
>>Microsoft's Bob(tm)?
As a Windows95 beta tester, I'm getting lots of stuff in the mail from
Microsoft. I got a magazine with a piece about "Microsoft Bob".
NOTE: NO TRADEMARK! NO COPYRIGHT even!
That's right, even in their own newsletters and magazines, I've yet to see
any (tm)s or (c)s anywhere near the sacred name of "Bob". And this from the
company that trademarked Word(tm) and Office(tm).
Guess we showed THEM!
-BT
Rev. RockLobster bthomas@interaccess.com
BOBoBoBoBoBoBOBoBoBoBoBoBOBoBoBoBoBoBOBoBfNoRdBoBOBoBoBoBoBoBOBoBoBoBoBoBOB
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!::::'___`:::::::'___`:::::::'___`:::::::'___`:::::::'___`:::::::'___`::::!
!:::'/_ _\`:::::'/_ _\`:::::'/_ _\`:::::'/_ _\`:::::'/_ _\`:::::'/_ _\`:::!
!:::|/ ~ \|`::::|/ ~ \| `::|/ ~ \|' `|/ ~ \|::' |/ ~ \|::::'|/ ~ \|:::!
!:::|'-.-`| :::|'-.-`| :|'-.-`| |'-.-`|: |'-.-`|::: |'-.-`|:::!
!:: (|e|e|? ::(|e|e|? ' (|e|e|? ` ' (|e|e|? ` (|e|e|?.: (|e|e|? ::!
!. `._^_,'' :`._^_,'..' `._^_,'`...'`._^_,' `..`._^_,'. ``._^_,' .!
!. \\=// \\=// \\=// \\=// \\=// \\=// .!
: U/_/ U/_/ U/_/ U/_/ U/_/ U/_/ :
@/ \&~ @/ \&~ @/ \&~ @/ \&~ @/ \&~ @/ \&
Y/\.::./\S\ /Y/\.::./\S\ /Y/\.::./\S\ /Y/\.::./\S\ /Y/\.::./\S\ /Y/\.::./\S
E$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$E
%%%%XX%%%%%%%%%%%XX%%%%%%%%%%%XX%%%%%%%%%%%XX%%%%%%%%%%%XX%%%%%%%%%%%XX%WiZ
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Message-Id: <m0rxDEc-0001aKC@net-abuse.org>
To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
cc: Davis <davis@nocmsmgw.harvard.edu>
Subject:
Date: Fri, 07 Apr 1995 08:33:58 -0400
From: Doctor Lizardo <lizardo@net-abuse.org>
>- Pedestrians and bicyclists spotted wearing hazardous environment filter
>masks in a futile attempt to avoid air pollution (I'm not kidding - I've
>seen people wearing them!). Coming soon: bottled air sales surpass bottled
>water sales.
Hey, I've seen it too, and here in Austin, Texas, where we're not really
known for our air pollution, but we are known for massive Pink immigration
flux. I saw one of them riding along on a bike, wearing a respirator,
looking like he's riding around on a bicycle removing asbestos.
Come to think of it, we do have a small bit of air pollution. Those
Pinks carry a Pfoul Pstench indeed.
-- Dr. Lizardo <lizardo@net-abuse.org> http://net-abuse.org/~lizardo/------------------------------
Date: Fri, 7 Apr 95 12:23:13 EDT From: Dagger-man <jimthing@eden.rutgers.edu> To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu Subject: In-Reply-To: Your message of Fri, 7 Apr 95 00:00:57 EDT Message-ID: <CMM-RU.1.4.797271793.jimthing@er5.rutgers.edu>
Hey slacksters. Sign o the times. Last night I saw a guy wearing a t-shirt that said: I GOT BLOWN BY BOB!! It was a Hurricane Bob thing, or so he claimed.I wonder what it was like...to get a BJ from that big old smiley mouth.Did he remove his pipe, I ask myself...
<---stan dagger--->
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Date: Fri, 7 Apr 1995 22:50:39 -0400 From: Oliverce@aol.com Message-Id: <950407225038_75838608@aol.com> To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu Subject:
Thanks, I enjoyed the stories. I"ll never be able to look at cat flaps again without laughing. I wish I had something interesting to share, but I don't. I just got back from a show and I'm tired - we've been rehearsing late and getting up early all week. Tell Keithy to bring you up here for Easter. I'll fix you a basket and hide eggs.
Love MOMMY
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Date: Fri, 7 Apr 1995 18:38:02 -0500 (CDT) From: Christian M de Tarnowsky <cdetarn@mailhost.tcs.tulane.edu> To: subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu Subject: A queen has been found! Message-ID: <Pine.A32.3.91.950407183017.84390A-100000@rs1.tcs.tulane.edu>
Bob, the ineffible, has no equal, yet, i have discovered a potential rival! she is jll0023 of a small tribe in lafayette, LA. after being an avid follower of Bob for many years, she has perfected slack to the point that she can out fake a fakir. one prime example of this is her e-mail. she has not deleted any messages in the years she has been on-line. Her mailbox is full, admitting no other entries. you can't contact her; even if you've try repeatedly in the last few weeks!
i challenge other entries to expose themselves. In the name of slack! All pinks must be eliminated! Viva Bob!
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Message-Id: <m0rxIxH-0006NkC@primus.paranoia.com> From: "don@paranoia.com" <don@paranoia.com> Subject: B-Boyz? To: Doctor Lizardo <lizardo@net-abuse.org> Date: Fri, 7 Apr 1995 13:40:27 -0500 (CDT) Cc: chet@paranoia.com, don@paranoia.com, subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu, kevintx@paranoia.com In-Reply-To: <m0rwjKi-0001aKC@net-abuse.org> from "Doctor Lizardo" at Apr 6, 95 00:38:16 am
> > >On a completely unrelated note.. have any of you heard very much about > >Microsoft's Bob(tm)? > > I completely, totally, and officially DENOUNCE Microsoft's Bob(tm) as a > cheap and disgusting attempt by high level CONSPIRACY SCIENTISTS
[ snippage... ]
On a somewhat related note:
I once saw a wonderful little slogan in someone's .sig that went something like, "Idiot-proofing the net will only ensure that more idiots use it."
But I guess that's inevitable.
Michael E. Glasgow -- don@paranoia.com http://www.paranoia.com
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Date: Fri, 7 Apr 1995 10:47:03 -0700 Message-Id: <199504071747.KAA13877@well.sf.ca.us> To: parker@sec.com, reilly@sec.com, dryffo@mit.edu, Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu From: Chris Spurgeon <ces@well.com> Subject: It's hard to be a Saint in the (Ho Chi Min) City....
TOO MUCH "SEX" SPOILS VIETNAM ONLINE TEST A test of Vietnam Prodigy was suspended because anti-smut software was overloaded, triggered too often by repeated use of the word "sex." Because tonal marks required by the Vietnamese language are not correctly shown on the computer screen, Vietnamese users rely on Roman letters to indicate those marks, causing the letters "sex" to show up in about 85% of all messages. (Agence France-Presse 4/1/95)
Chris Spurgeon * "I want to die peacefully in my sleep ces@well.com * like my grandfather, not screaming (215)-627-1867 * in terror like his passengers."
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Date: Fri, 7 Apr 1995 09:25:19 -0400 From: Wes Morgan <morgan@engr.uky.edu> Message-Id: <199504071325.JAA10589@s.ecc.engr.uky.edu> To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu Subject: Microsoft's ripoff of "Bob"
>>On a completely unrelated note.. have any of you heard very much about >>Microsoft's Bob(tm)? > >I completely, totally, and officially DENOUNCE Microsoft's Bob(tm) as a >cheap and disgusting attempt by high level CONSPIRACY SCIENTISTS >within Microsoft to STEAL PROFIT from "Bob"(tm) (note subtle difference) >by taking advantage of the latent desire for "Bob" present in so many >individuals, not only STEALING THE PROFIT but also misleading these >suckers into believing that their craving for "Bob" has been satisfied >when in fact there is NOTHING, ONLY MICROSOFT.
It's worse than that - the Con is trading on the very power of "Bob"'s name! I can't beleive that the Men in Black let it slip, but a trade rag reported that Microsoft's marketing droids surveyed a clutch of dupes...I mean, a focus group...and that "Bob" was the most "user-friendly" name given. Of *course* it is; the mere mention of the SlackMaster's name is enough to incite a burst of BrainDeath in the Pinks...which is, of course, just what the Con wants. They *want* the Pinks to lose a bit more of their essence with each click of the mouse.
>On the other hand, they'll get what they deserve.
Indeed they will; Yetis *have* been sighted on the outskirts of Redmond. It should also be mentioned that Microsoft's pseudo-"Bob" has an interes- ting security hole (in the current version); if you screw up the password several times, it goes ahead and asks you if you want to change it, *lets* you change it, and sends you on your way. I imagine that a deep-cover Rogue SubG is toiling on "Bob"'s behalf in the bowels of Microsoft's pro- grammer dungeon.
--Wes Proto-Bishop, Clench of the Foaming Sputum
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Message-Id: <199504071715.LAA24131@dh.cpsc.ucalgary.ca> To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu Subject: More signs of the End Times... In-Reply-To: <n1414933801.72719@nocmsmgw.harvard.edu> Date: Fri, 07 Apr 1995 11:15:50 -0600 From: Andrew Brownbill <ack@cpsc.ucalgary.ca>
In message <n1414933801.72719@nocmsmgw.harvard.edu>, Davis <davis@nocmsmgw.harvard.edu> writes: > >Subliminal Data presents... > >More signs of the End Times (as seen around the Boston, MA area): > >- Grocery stores which have 300 ft isles devoted entirely to potato chips, >sugar-infested breakfast foods, or even bottled water, yet have tiny >produce sections featuring extremely expensive, yet blighted and rotting >fruit and vegetables. Coming soon: "low fat" food hype replaced by "low >mercury" meals and "reduced radiation" snacks. >
No, no, you have it wrong. The sign of the end of times is the tiny produce sections featuring extremely inexpensive absolutely perfect fruit and vegetables. How come all those tomatoes are big and perfect? Chemicals, me lad, chemicals. Visit a health food store if you want to see what untreated food looks like. Do we really know everything that has to be known about the long term effects of these chemicals? I, for one, don't give a shit. I'm leaving town x-day.
> >- Millions of consumers rush to be part of the "information superhighway", >spend huge amounts of money and time to browse "Net Shopping" WWW pages. >Meanwhile, world outside goes completely to hell. No one bothers to >notice.
No, no, no, the net is a good thing. The net means I can goof off and still look like I'm working.
Andy
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Date: Fri, 7 Apr 95 16:02:55 PDT Message-Id: <Kud5+UGQVja@go00.comp.pge.com> From: JEW1%LRN%DCPP@bangate.pge.com To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu Cc: mowens@isd.state.nm.us, utayll00@beauty.mcl.ucsb.edu Subject: Radiation? You bet!
Dear Cistren and Brethren,
Has the blinding light of "BoB" caught you on the Road to Slackville or on that Pink Hiway to Ken and Barbie Hell? Are you afraid of radiation? Does the thought of mutation give you pause or has radiation already given you paws? Do you say, "Sure I'll grow another foot or head for "BoB" but just not today"? Is that shiny scar tissue eluding you? Well, fill up your Pipe o' Frop, children, and listen to my tale...
I came from a good ole 'Merkin family. We never talked much about health and we damned sure never talked about physics. We were multi-level marketing Methodists -- we believed you got into heaven by selling blessed welches and ritz crackers to your downline -- and were waiting for the next consumption. All of this happened before "The War." The saucer people had not yet started taking children in the midwest, at least not so it diminished the population any.
Anyway, one day a traveling show came by. Pa let the freaks camp out in the pasture next to the feedlot. I, of course, had to go see the show. I was 18 and Pa's warnings about what freaks could do to you just rolled off my back like ballbearings out of a 1947 John Deere. I wanted to oggle the dogbutt girl or maybe the human blackhead but the only one around was the Health Physicist. He was holding things he called "sources". I asked him, "Sources of what?" He never answered but just smiled and handed me one. It had a sign like a fish on it. I suspected him of being one of those funny mentalists. He said this was something called "an alpha". I took it and held it to my hairless chest. Suddenly I had a warm feeling come over me like the time I saw my pig eat a gopher.
I wanted more! After a while he handed me a disk with a funny looking "B" on it. It felt even better. I knew I was hooked but I didn't care. Radiation was coursing through my system. I could feel the cells of my lymph nodes mutating. It still wasn't enough. That ole HP knew it, too. He reached back into a thing he called a pig (didn't look like Curly Joe, my prize shoat, though) and pulled out something that had a hazy blue glow all around it. Hot damn! We were getting somewhere fast now! This was the blessed gamma. I took the sacrament from his hands and swallowed it. My guts were on fire. I jumped into the air, I fell on the ground, I crowed like a rooster, I slobbered like a snail, I preached like an out of office Republican. The eye in the pyramid on the back of the dollar bill winked at me. Vanna White turned over a vowel in my cerebral cortex and Dr. Bronner's codex decoded itself.
Praise "BoB," my life stretched in front of me like a roll of wet toilet paper. I could see me diving into spent fuel pools, I could see me holding onto the control rods at Chernobyl, I could even see me writing this to you now. No more worry or fear: I knew then, as you know now, radiation is good for us. It is like sunshine but you tan on the inside.
So you see, my fellow freaks, it was as though "BoB" had appeared to me and commanded me to place the sources under my family's bed. I left them retching and rolling on the dirt packed floor while I joined the freak show. The show packed up and left that night. The Health Physicist gained a new assistant and I gained a nuclear family.
Pass me a bit of that Plutonium now, will you? My pipe has gone out, The Right Reverend Dr. Nucleus
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Message-Id: <v01510101abaaff0ab488@[128.103.235.27]> Date: Fri, 7 Apr 1995 12:09:49 -0400 To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu From: Subliminal Data <davis@davis.harvard.edu> Subject: Slack's where you take it Cc: lizardo@net-abuse.org
>Hey, I've seen it too, and here in Austin, Texas, where we're not really >known for our air pollution, but we are known for massive Pink immigration >flux. I saw one of them riding along on a bike, wearing a respirator, >looking like he's riding around on a bicycle removing asbestos. > >Come to think of it, we do have a small bit of air pollution. Those >Pinks carry a Pfoul Pstench indeed.
Yeah, it's enough to make you consider buying a set of those DobbsCo "third nostril" plugs...though I woudn't recommend 'em for anything other emergency use.
Well, Texas sounds kinda nice as I don't care much for New England's cold weather, but so long as there's slack (and "Bob") I'll be just fine.
As far as pinks go here, I'll refer to our symbol of New England hospitality: the pineapple! (It seems that around here it's considered to be a sign of hospitality to display a pineapple-signifier, be it sculpted, painted, or otherwise on one's home - don't ask me how they thought that one up - in any case, it must have lost the meaning of hospitality long ago) Well, let me tell 'ya - they've all got a pinapple UP THEIR ASSES! Especially those sickening, smug politically-correct types who mope around in their own self-pitying little clique, unable to get up a proper "head" of hate at anything other than those who won't act/dress/think JUST LIKE THEM!
Those "hip" pinks who think they've got it all the right "alternative" answers - aside from their acrid pstench and intense B-ray emissions - tend to cause deep nulls in the local luck plane. However, these slackless voids are counterbalanced by equally intense luck "nodes" These sumg know-it-alls, when in properly distributed configurations among the general anti-slack gradient of typical normals, such as one finds at universities (like Harvard, "workplace" of Subliminal Data), localized standing luck waves can form on the luck plane.
For those skilled in "surfing" the luck plane, the results can be astounding: major traffic violations go unnoticed right in front of cops; one trips on an object, "misses" the floor when falling and finds onself levitating momentarily; things happen by incredible conincidence; etc...
Alexander Davis Signals Collection Officer Subliminal Data davis@davis.harvard.edu
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Message-Id: <199504071431.AA206885068manitoba.marcam.com> Date: Fri, 07 Apr 1995 10:31:00 EDT Reply-To: trevay@marcam.com From: "Ven. Maha-Swamiji B. Geebees" <@manitoba.marcam.com:trevay@marcam.com> To: Subgenius Slackmailer <subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu> Subject: SubGenRefs
daniel aaron schlosser <Aaronius@wam.umd.edu> writes: Subject: The New Age Message-ID: <Pine.ULT.3.91.950406100627.11829B-100000@rac9.wam.umd.edu>
>Hello, slackers, I thought you a/v geeks would like to know that >"Bob"Dobbs is mentioned on the film currently avialable on video called >"The New Age" Peter Wellers (Naked Lunch, Robocop) is in telemarketing >and magically becomes an incredible salesman simply by claiming to be >"Bob" Dobbs, the legendary salesman himself. Well, that's not exactly >what happens, nevertheless it is a cool movie.
This got the old synaptic transfers clicking (or what few remain, since they started putting fluoride in the vodka) -- is there a Big List of "Bob" Refs? Places where He the Eternally Slackful and His Droop-Eyed Minions (that's -you-, bub!) achieve the status of transient Floating Bubbles in the Yellow Stream of Popular Culture?
I can recall three locations of said "BobRefs" (Inc.)(c)(SM)(GMBH) --
* in one of the first, or perhaps -the- first episode, of Pee Wee's Playhouse. I recall a Dobbshead stapled to a bulletin board at the back of the scene, the Grinning Guru of Guilt-free Livin' staring out at the "kids" who watched that program, silently seducing them to foreswear Jimmy Swaggart over on channel 68, and join Pee Wee in his exploration of his own li'l playhouse what he can make with his right hand (odd that Pee Wee and Bro' Jimmy would turn out to have exactly the -same- pasttime, -and- be on opposite each other!);
* there was, of course, the rather hideous use of The Name in that thought-it-was-cool-but-was-really-very-very-Pink "Twin Peaks." Our "Bob" would not take possession of a soul, and commit murder; instead, our "Bob" would lease *your* soul, for thirty six months or forty-five thousand miles, at highly favorable terms, with a service contract thrown in. "Bob" can drive a bargain, which is why we need Him batting cleanup 'gainst the Elder Gods, so we do;
* and in _Ace Ventura, Pet Detective_, a reasonably wacky film that has a marvelous depiction of the friendly UPS Delivery Man, the term "subgenuis" appears as an apparent equivalent of "moron." Of course, the only true morons are those Cranial-Rectal Inverts (tm) who tend to DICK-tate most of the MedioKretin Kulture that we have in These Here United Snakes.
Which reminds me: do you recall how, about three years ago, those pesky French persons were kvetching and wretching at the thought of 'Mer'kin McDonaldland "Culture" dominating their home-grown redeffusion broadcasts (and -they- can show full frontal nudity, curly pubes and all!). The U.S. Gummint was insisting that they take More Kojak, More Dallas, More Reruns of My Three Sons and My Mother the Car ... and the French were understandably resistant?
Well, I hear tell that Micky Kantor has been trying to Kick Ass up in Canuckland, to get them to do the same. As it's been told to me by spies in Ottawa and Toronto, Kantor is Pissed that the Canayjuns want to stick with their own Cable Country Network, and don'wanna take The Nashville Channel or some such po'bucker swill, so favored by the 47 near-blind-drunk hillbilles with shit permanently encrusted in the soles of their boots, who form the backbone audience of that rather brutally weird network.
(Yeah, I damn well -do- know what I'm talkin' 'bout! Hell, they had Johnny Cash on there last night!)
(Okay, okay -- yeah, I git The Nashville Channel and Country Music TV too, an' I tune in just to see what the hell's onnit myself! And I put on my Vibrams and go over to the neighbors lawn and step in some POOP, just ta git in the "spirit.")
(Look, when Dwight Yoakum came to the People's Republic of Massachusetts, hell, yes, I went ta see him! So call me a falling-down drunken hillbilly! Like I'm sober enough to give a shit?)
Anyway, I jus'wanna say, you Canayjans are all right. First ya kick some Spanish fishing trawler's wrinkly-pimply tuchus for roping up fishes too young to breed, then you tell Kantor to take his mind-numbing, dumbing-down cable teevee claptrap garbage and jump into Lac Erie. Vive les Habs and all that.
Someday, I'll come up there and see y'all, in Yellowknife or Moose Jaw or whatever the hell you got up there. I mean, I love you people all the more, now that somebody got television for yuz. (You gotta power them off tundra rodents, rats and the like, running on those little wheels in cages, don'cha? Except where you can burn enough caribou dung to keep warm -and- run a li'l steam generator, right? Man you guys are -really- impressive! No way I could live in a place that's pitch dark for 9 months of the year!)
>The mention of "Bob" >might have something to do with the Subgenius infiltration of the movie's >production, most notably Mark Mothersbaugh, who does the soundtrack.
If you meet Devo in the road, kill them. But buy their CD's, first.
>Anyway, the sampling potential of those few lines make this movie a >must. It also makes poignant statements about the Conspiracy. Next time >you have some Slack, check it out.
Whaddya mean "next time," bub? I'm supposed to be -working-! Hah!
> An Underling to the Fearsome Uncle Dirtnap, > Rabbi Aaronius
("x") The Venerable Maha Swami-ji B. Jeebees (His mark) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ A headstone from a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery: Here lays Butch, we planted him raw, He was quick on the trigger, but slow on the draw. ------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Date: Fri, 7 Apr 1995 16:04:42 -0500 From: Larkin Jennifer L <jll0023@usl.edu> Message-Id: <199504072104.AA17459@b84.ucs.usl.edu> To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Ok, Pat, so God's on the throne, but the real question is, when will he flush?
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End of Subgenius Digest ******************************
