Today's Topics:
(3 msgs)
New Age
No Evidence (was Re: DID ...
Rantin' On The 'Ra
You'll have to do better than this...
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To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
From: Michael Salmond <M.Salmond@plymouth.ac.uk>
Organization: University of Plymouth
Date: Thu, 27 Apr 1995 12:11:43 GMT
Subject:
Message-ID: <88C43A3E0A@cs_fs15.cs.plymouth.ac.uk>
OKeeDokke Bombs 'r' US
Whoa - struck a nerve there I think.
Jennacy - Call me Ishmael - or Mike, whichever.
Mike S.
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 27 Apr 1995 17:42:23 -0700 (MST)
From: Jim Fetters <fetters@enuxsa.eas.asu.edu>
To: SubGenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Subject: !
Message-ID: <Pine.SOL.3.91.950427174155.6652B-100000@enuxsa.eas.asu.edu>
This is what a SubGenius parishioner had to say about his wins through
DobbsThink (tm):
I owe my life to DobbsThink (tm) - both literally and figuratively. Prior
to getting involved in DobbsThink (tm) I was heavily dependent on drugs. I
was killing myself. One day a friend told me to kill L. Ron Hubbard
instead. I got a knife and stabbed L. Ron right in the brain, I smashed
his skull then ate out the brain so I would attain the Master Cerebral
Life force of Xenu. Thank god I killed L. Ron Hubbard and not myself.
Thanks to DobbsThink (tm). It contains so much simple data that is
immediately applicable in life, I gained the ability to kill myself and
those around me at will, just by thinking EVIL THOUGHTS OF WOTAN and in
killing I learned the power of real SLACK. SubGenius Technology (tm)
helped me free myself from drugs and create a new life. I learned I my
mind is like a car and it can run over innocent people AT WILL!!!
Praise almighty Dobbs! Now all I need is a new set of tires.
(c) 1995 The Church of the SubGenius (tm)
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 27 Apr 1995 17:42:58 -0700 (MST)
From: Jim Fetters <fetters@enuxsa.eas.asu.edu>
To: SubGenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Subject: !
Message-ID: <Pine.SOL.3.91.950427174226.6652C-100000@enuxsa.eas.asu.edu>
This is what a SubGenius parishioner had to say about her wins in
DobbsThink (tm):
I used to have a fear of mind control. Every time I'd go to the grocery
store or to a movie or almost any place where there were lots of people
from the Church of Scientology trying to get me to join their mind-numbing
cult. Every time I even heard the name "Hubbard" I'd go into a panic, my
heart would race, my hands would sweat and I would feel as though I was
going to burn every copy of Dianetics in existance. This problem was
completely handled in one hour when I decided to get even. I loaded my 69
chevy with a nuclear tipped warhead and aimed it the local Scientology
church. As the charred bodies of Xenu fled in terror, the face of "Bob"
--- pipe and all --- appeared in the glowing mushroom cloud comforting me
as thousands of cult members burned in a thermonuclear cook-out ---- and
it has never recurred. If I had gone to The Church of Scientology, I'm
sure it would have cost tens of thousands of dollars and years of therapy
and probably still would not be cured. Thanks to DobbsThink (tm) my X-ist
Evacution chamber now protects me from high levels of radition. Thanks to
the nice Dobbs salesman who convinced me and my husband to by a share in
the Tribulation Condominum encased in 35 feet of concrete. "Bob" thinks
of everything!
------------------------------
Message-Id: <199504270837.DAA09454@home.interaccess.com>
Date: Thu, 27 Apr 1995 03:37:59 -0500
To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
From: Brian Thomas <bthomas@interaccess.com>
Subject: New Age
Just rented the new Mike Tolkin movie called THE NEW AGE. In case ya haven't
heard, Peter Weller (the ol' RoboBuckaroo) ends up as a cold-call
supersalesman, using the name "Bob Dobbs"!!
Rev. RockLobster bthomas@interaccess.com
BOBoBoBoBoBoBOBoBoBoBoBoBOBoBoBoBoBoBOBoBfNoRdBoBOBoBoBoBoBoBOBoBoBoBoBoBOB
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!::::'___`:::::::'___`:::::::'___`:::::::'___`:::::::'___`:::::::'___`::::!
!:::'/_ _\`:::::'/_ _\`:::::'/_ _\`:::::'/_ _\`:::::'/_ _\`:::::'/_ _\`:::!
!:::|/ ~ \|`::::|/ ~ \| `::|/ ~ \|' `|/ ~ \|::' |/ ~ \|::::'|/ ~ \|:::!
!:::|'-.-`| :::|'-.-`| :|'-.-`| |'-.-`|: |'-.-`|::: |'-.-`|:::!
!:: (|e|e|? ::(|e|e|? ' (|e|e|? ` ' (|e|e|? ` (|e|e|?.: (|e|e|? ::!
!. `._^_,'' :`._^_,'..' `._^_,'`...'`._^_,' `..`._^_,'. ``._^_,' .!
!. \\=// \\=// \\=// \\=// \\=// \\=// .!
: U/_/ U/_/ U/_/ U/_/ U/_/ U/_/ :
@/ \&~ @/ \&~ @/ \&~ @/ \&~ @/ \&~ @/ \&
Y/\.::./\S\ /Y/\.::./\S\ /Y/\.::./\S\ /Y/\.::./\S\ /Y/\.::./\S\ /Y/\.::./\S
E$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$E
%%%%XX%%%%%%%%%%%XX%%%%%%%%%%%XX%%%%%%%%%%%XX%%%%%%%%%%%XX%%%%%%%%%%%XX%WiZ
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 27 Apr 1995 17:25:59 -0700 (MST)
From: Jim Fetters <fetters@enuxsa.eas.asu.edu>
To: WONDERFULR@aol.com
cc: SubGenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Subject: No Evidence (was Re: DID ...
In-Reply-To: <950427200542_98822665@aol.com>
Message-ID: <Pine.SOL.3.91.950427172135.4854B-100000@enuxsa.eas.asu.edu>
On Thu, 27 Apr 1995 HARRASSMENT BY CHURCH OF SCIENTOLOGY
DUPE KNOWN AS "WONDERFULR@aol.com" OCURRED:
> It does not matter what your name is - it does not matter if you write or
> just merely forward the communication.
>
> You are responsible for what you do.
>
> Furthering the idea of violence is wrong. You know that.
>
> Russell Shaw
>
How dare you spread violence, Russel Shaw, you are creating
hate on the internet, hate for the Church of the SubGenius,
please stop harassing me with your hateful posts. You are
full of hate and violence.
Stop promoting violence Russel Shaw.
You know that.
"Bob'"s Inspector
------------------------------
Message-Id: <199504271823.AA002136990@netmon.marcam.com>
Reply-To: trevay@marcam.com
Date: Thu, 27 Apr 1995 14:23:10 -0400
To: Subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
From: "Ven. Maha Swami-ji B. Geebees" <trevay@marcam.com>
Subject: Rantin' On The 'Ra
The Venerable Swami-ji is driven to near-irregularity, with this list
becoming Yet Another Boring Internet Forum about politics, as though
anything these slugs-in-the-garden-of-Eternity, whom "we" "elect" to "run"
the "show," "do," really "matters" to the One True "Bob."
(Aye vote "Nay.")
But we shall do Our level best to apply a laxitive balm to this peristalsis
of Misguided Popular Opinion. Fahren wir an:
>Subgenius Digest Thu, 27 Apr 95 Volume 6 : Issue 80
>Bill Westfield <bwest@access.digex.net> writes:
>Well, as a matter of fact, although your point is well taken (and well
>given), the technology that either of our countries is capable of using at
>this time is far superior to that which was available when the IRA threat
>became apparent on your side of the pond. That, coupled with the advantage
>we have of being on friendly terms with our neighboring countries, means
>that MOST terrorist threats that we need to consider will come from outside
>our physical borders (and I don't think ANYONE can swim here from Europe),
Oh ye, who art trained in Geography by United Snakes Higher Schools! The
dreaded Terrorist Threat of the so-called Irish Republican Army to what's
known as Mainland Britain, eminates from -within- the political ennn-titty
(the Swami-ji -loves- that word!) that contains Mainland Britain. Norn
Iron and England are -within- the same country, y'see!
And, in ither words ...
... an' in tha vice an' accent a' me father-in-la'...
the 'Ra don't speak fer Oireland! Yer man, Gerry Adams, the Sinn Fein
fella, he goes ta New York, and isn't he cheered an' toasted an' dined be
the Yanks? An' when he flies inta Dublin, now, isn't there a crowd jus'
waitin' there, be ta hoot an' jeer at the man? So there is, oil tell ya!
He has mehr friends in the Yanks, than he has in the Oirish!
The point being, oh ye of smaller thoughts, the IRA isn't from "outside" of
the United Kingdom, and of the help it got from the "outside," a fair
portion came from the Unity Shnakes of 'Mer'ka.
Meanwhile, at Port Laois prison, the IRA fellas caught within the Republic
are kept under military guard.
And, in the Mean Times -- and the Times, they do be Mean -- yon "Loyal"
Proddy Paramilitaries don't wanna talk ta nobody about nuthin'. We forget,
there exist Two Sides of Extremists in Norn Iron, tho', t'anks be, they've
managed to stop KILLING EACH OTHER, for the past many months. (The
Swami-ji preys that the Peace Which Has Broken Out, will continue.)
So, Bill -- the problem and pabulum is bigger'n you describe. Tho' the
Swami-ji knoweth that ya mean well, and will grant Full Absolution from
sins, transgressions and effluvient emissions, past, present and future,
with a Large Cash Donation made to the Swami-ji's Favorite Crooked
Money-Laundering Charity. Pony up, pardner!
Our next victimcorrespondent, writes, ever cogently:
"Anson F. Davis, esq." <afdavis@students.wisc.edu> says:
>No Shit.
No shit? Try "The Venerable Maha Swami-ji B. Geebees Powders, Lotions and
Fertilyzer Bombs -- Guaranteed to Make You Soil Yourself, or Your Immortal
Soul Back!". Available now, from your Frendly Kansas Ryder Truck Depot!
>Even if your conspiracy turns out to be a hollow one (although I
>wouldn't put anything past that devious, Machiavellian wonderboy, John
>Major), didn't Clinton just finish a round of talks with Sinn Fein? No
>wonder Major was going ape shit. Where the hell does Clinton get off
>meeting with IRA terrorists one day, and then calling terrorists in the US
>"evil cowards" the next? Apparently blowing up children in other countries
>is a matter that we shouldn't pass judgement on; after all that's the UK's
>own domestic business, right? But, by god, Americans won't stand for their
>children being bombed at home. Suddenly, random violence isn't just
>something you read about happening to the rest of the world anymore.
>Welcome to the planet, Mr. President.
Yes! Indeed! The Swami-ji declares, under his Authority for Doing Such
Things, that this be A Rant Worthy of "Bob"! Attaboy, an' way ta go, bub!
The Man To Whom You Want to Talk in Norn Iron, ain't Gerry Adams. It's
John Hume, of the Social Democratic and Labour Party. His party gains many
more votes in each Parliamentary election than Sinn Fein, he's been working
to bring the two sides together for years, and the fellas who support him
DON'T BLOW PEOPLE DRINKING WEBSTER'S YORKSHIRE BITTER
IN PUBLIC HOUSES ON FRIDAY NIGHTS TO LITTLE TWIDDLY BITS!
(Does the Dread Swami-ji make Himself clear?)
That Hume isn't known in the US, simply shows how PATHETICALLY that which
passes for "news" is reported here.
The Swami-ji advises you to Buy A Shortwave Radio,
and
Listen For The Voice of "Bob"!
But whatever you do, Turn Off The Goddamn Network News! Because if The Big
Story before Last Wednesday was OH-JAY-FUCKING-SIMPSON, how CAN
you believe ANYTHING they say?
Enuf a' me boring shite! Will ya awl have a bit a' what'cher havin'? Jayz,
ya make me wish I was goin' fer a pint, so ya do!
..................."x" (The Ven. Maha Swami-ji B. Geebees) (His mark)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Falstaff sweats to death.
And lards the lean earth as he walks along.
-- _Henry IV_, part 1
------------------------------------------------------------------------
------------------------------
Message-Id: <9504271933.AA05469@thelonious.MIT.EDU>
From: "The Rt. Rev. Wor. Dr. Y. Foo, FRC" <dryfoo@mit.edu>
To: subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
Subject: You'll have to do better than this...
Date: Thu, 27 Apr 1995 15:33:52 EDT
Sloppiness is a real giveaway:
} TO: The MIT Community
}
} FROM: Chief Anne P. Glavin
}
} SUBJ: Review of Mail Bomb Prevention: Letter and Parcel
} Bomb Recognition Points
}
} DATE: April 26, 1995
} -------------------------------------------------------------
}
} SPECIAL BULLETIN
}
} As a result of this week's letter bomb incident in Sacramento,
} California involving a timber industry administrator, we wish to review
} cautionary information which we have previously distributed concerning
} letter bombs.
}
} As previously stated, while the likelihood of your ever
} receiving a bomb in the mail is remote, in light of this week's incident
} and the string of past incidents since 1978 (including two letter bomb
} incidents at the University of California and Yale) we are advising the
} community to be cautious when examining incoming mail. Keep in mind
} that a bomb can be enclosed in either a parcel or an envelope, and its
} outward appearance is limited only by the imagination of the sender.
}
} Since mail bombs have some unique characteristics, the following
} information is being provided to help assist you in identifying a
} suspect mailing. This information has been compiled with information
} obtained from the U.S. Postal Inspection Service and the International
} Association of Bomb Technicians and Investigators.
}
} LETTER AND PARCEL BOMB RECOGNITION POINTS
}
} * Mail bombs may bear restricted endorsements such as "Personal"
} or "Private". This factor is important when the addressee does not
} usually receive personal mail at the office.
}
}
}
} * Addressee's Name/title may be inaccurate.
}
} * Return address may be fictious.
}
} * Mail bombs may reflect distorted handwriting or the name and
} address may be prepared with homemade labels or cut-and paste lettering.
}
} * Mail bombs may have protruding wires, aluminum foil, or oil
} stains and may emit a peculiar odor.
}
} * Cancellation or postmark may show a different location than
} the return address.
}
} * Mail bombs may feel rigid, or appear uneven or lopsided.
}
} * Parcel bombs may be unprofessionally wrapped with several
} combinations of tape used to secure the package and may be endorsed
} "Fragile-Handle With Care" or "Rush - Do Not Delay".
}
} * Package bombs may have an irregular shape, soft spots or
} bulges. There may also be excessive or uneven weight distribution.
}
} * Package bombs may make a buzzing or ticking noise or a
} sloshing sound.
}
} * Pressure or resistance may be noted when removing contents
} from an envelope or parcel.
}
} IF YOU ARE SUSPICIOUS OF A MAILING AND ARE UNABLE TO VERIFY THE CONTENTS
} WITH THE ADDRESSEE OR SENDER:
}
} 1. Do not open the article (or squeeze, drop, prod or push it)
}
} 2. Isolate the mailing but DO NOT place it in a confined space
} such as a desk drawer.
}
} 3. Notify the MIT Campus Police immediately: DIAL "100" from an
} MIT phone or 253-1212 from a pay phone.
}
} If you have any questions concerning the above guidelines or
} suspicious mail, please contact the MIT Campus Police Special Services
} Division at 258-9724.
------------------------------
End of Subgenius Digest
******************************
