Nobody was being a terrible asshole particularly. I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Part of my job, I guess.
Young Miss Rev. FRIDAY JONES, however, will have to do PENANCE, BIG-TIME.
Banishment would be too EASY on her. A public flogging and clitorectomy will be held this Sunday on #subgenius, another.net.
Let's forget the idea of a secret channel. Best thing would be to just punish the guilty right out there in the open, just like I was punished.
I did not have a particularly good Sunday. Pinks had FORCED me to "have fun" with them. It was with tremendous relief and expectation that I started to log onto another.net for the IRC devival, to join in fellowship with my fellow SubGenii after a long day of enforced Pinkness. Everything had been so FUN and EASY the last time, when we first tried another.net. But for some reason, that night I had weird technical problems. Couldn't get into ANY IRC server. You know how it is when you aren't sure if it's your system, your server, some big hole in the Net at large, or the server you're trying to get to, or what? And you want to crush, kill, destroy every living or electronic entity nearby? Well, it was like that for half an hour. Restarts and recalls and reboots and reamings. To this day I don't know what the problem was. A storm in Topeka probably.
I finally got into #subgenius about 9:30 or so, but I landed there at just the wrong time, in the middle of an especially confused IRC techno-game. From where I sat, though, it appeared to be the sort of 'contest of ops' that had caused us to flee from undernet to another.net in the first place. I was having trouble getting my bearings.
One's bearings are important in IRC. If you can latch onto even one anchor you're fine -- but I couldn't get that focus. I was just starting to grope when suddenly I was booted by Iceknife. Or something like that. I now know that it was an accident on his part. (There've been problems with imposters.) Iceknife IS a very BAD person, an EVIL person, anyone would agree with that, but in this particular case it was just a simple goof.
Somehow I got wind that there was another mass conversation happening at #slack, so I went there. And got kicked. And came back and got kicked. And came back and got kicked. Etc. for long enough that if had once been funny, it wasn't anymore. I went back to #subgenius for succor, but by then I was too freaked to enjoy succor even had there been any sympathy for rich man Stang.
At this point I was assuming that the insane IRCer psuedo-Sub that so many had warned me about was wreaking this havoc... him or someone like him. I figured that everybody else was having trouble too. It was kinda hard to tell, because nobody was letting me stay on any one channel for very long.
Only later did I realize that I, Stang, was being singled out for this treatment, and that it was being doled out by my good friend, Rev. Friday Jones, egged on by Dr. G. Gordon Gordon and everybody else.
The thing is, it WAS hilarious. Friday sent me her log of the sessions on both channels and by god, I gotta admit, it's funny as hell, and if I wasn't Stang I'd certainly have been in there killing Stang as well.
I CAN take a joke, if it's a FUNNY joke.
That's the only reason Young Miss Friday Jones is alive today.
Nonetheless, she must be punished. On the 30th of this month, therefore, that BUMP on my FOREHEAD that she loves so much will be amputated, and instead of sending it to her as I had planned, I'm going to feed it to my dogs.
A reminder: killing "Bob" and killing Stang are two very different things. #1, Dobbs is the Living Avatar of Slack and Stang is just an employee, no matter how amazingly talented, productive and handsome he is. #2, Dobbs is supernatural and will come back to life; Stang will merely lie there and rot. #3, fucking with Stang's mind makes perfect sense from a doctrinal point of view, but when you get down to it, poor Doug Smith, Church HQ janitor, has to bear the brunt of Stang's rage when you do that. #4, Killing Stang is an OLD JOKE. It may be new to some of you, but Stang-bashing was invented by Puzzling Evidence and Sternodox back in 1980.
Let's change the subject and forget about the whole thing.
Rev. Ivan Stang, PROP
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