Hour of Slack #1697 - "F-Word 'Em If They Can't Escape"


This is ANOTHER least typical Hour of Slack ever. It was with some trepidation that we let last week's show be an hour of just one old man, Pappy Stang, talking, but it was our most popular show ever! So this week, it's an hour solid of TWO old men talking: Rev. Ivan Stang and Lonesome Cowboy Dave! We figure it'll be TWICE as popular! Topics include #MeThree, Slack, the hellish modern world, aging, Fate, "Bob," Slack, and how They're taking away our freedoms in the name of freedom. Recorded at Tarzan's on 2018-10-13.

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Calling Dave. Lighter went out, must use hoary breath to combust Frop. Dave join circus? Surrealist act, pyroflatualion, sideshow marvel? Doesn't pay well. Eating lightbulbs and bananas, a glassy banana-shaped thing will emerge. "My son's Little Brown Brothers." Just think, Stang. (If only.) Schopenhauer? 12-Tone composer? "Dave I think I'm losin' it man! Hemmed in! I wanna fly!" Everything will grind us into the dirt like a lowly sack of smoke. It'll pound us and pound us. Been warning that for 50 years. Rock stars with 50-year careers who didn't come out with first album until I was 30! People complain, Trump's invisible girlfriend. Playboy type not my type? Dumpy bespectacled middle-aged ones? My type. Not a #MeToo thing! I was always too polite! Male friends said No doesn't mean No, it means Keep Going! Stang went to same kind of school as Brett Kavanaugh. Dave's attempt to be neighborly to lady took it all wrong. Philo's misadventure videotaping from his car at Starwood and topless old vain hag reported him as if he even noticed her pendulouses. Gigantic bazooms. Breastfeeding ladies that Dave knows. The special room for milk-collecting... she's been doing it for two years. Stang knew lady who was breastfeeding her six-year-old. People who've never been parents blame parents for everything. The loud racist in the diner, insulting blacks and Italians. I know what the 50s and 60s were like and I'm very very sorry our President is trying to return us to 1939 and not even this country! Hair Chancellor! Whatever he does, they eat it up, bend over, pull down their pants and say "Come on and give me more!" Prince Valium. How do we even know what the show is about? Focus if we can't take a joke. The HORRIBLE SUBGENIUS JOKE we heard today using the Church's most sacred motto. "Don't ever say that on your radio show!" Fidd uttered that phrase that is our show title "F-word Them If They Can't Escape." That's not where we're coming from! We want love and peace for all ranch-style human beans. I dream of those halcyon, halycon days to come... The word "examine" as "ex-a-mine" when reading the classics at age 8. Sure sign that somebody's mind isn't minding the store. Really old SubGenius saying: "My mind is not my mind." The antipasto frog chorus of operatic "My Mind is not My Miiiiiind"... Schoenberg not Shopenhauer. Dave's internet selfies. The sound of a frog in the room? -- Music finally hits, Stang confesses his problem with the background music -- Beefheart instrumentals and 5 minutes of Claudia the pit bull licking her fundament but Stang's lost control of faculties at Tarzan's. Why it's called Tarzan's. We're even older than this equipment, but most people don't live long. Stang's old friends are coming down with all the crap that licks large mammals. When a dog licks your neck... Gays have more fun but too late for us. Maybe on the escape vessels maybe we'll see how fun it is to be bidexual but we're stuck in our ways. Old. Square, reserved long-haired hippie, vs redneck bosses that cheated on their wives proudly. Dave didn't want to procreate with every abnorman person that walks the Earth. Stang did but now so old he's lost his testosterone levels dropped and now he's like a brilliant mathimetician, as if surfacing from a lifelong swamp. Must free self from desire. Just as soon wallow, but now old and the poison of the flunads no longer dictate how attention is directed. Once again old guys griping about ailments on Hour of Slack. Hope the young people are gleaning some tiny bit or warning! Live it up while you can! You'll shrivel up so go for the gusto! Don't get locked into some slave job! (Okay rant.) What's important, Slack or things? Why not both.
At least 1000 people download this show... wish they'd go get NEIGHBORWORLD by Dave. Stang's sister ((REMOVED: in jail for doing the most good deed imaginable) is reading it after Baroque Cycle. Most people like it if they can read. Synesthesia, why not both? You smell colors and hear pain. ((36:28))

Can you hear my dogs? Buddy and Claudia are dueling, play-fighting. Been talking to the dogs, long conversations; they can't understand - like the audience). They feel the vibes. Can smell where you're planning to go. Good thing we can't do that. Can't pee on bus. It's fascism! They're taking away our freedoms in the name of freedom! Wrecking our freedoms to not have babies. Need more SubG babies. Idiocracy problem. We'd be the ones culled in the third sweep. Or 18th sweep - "Oh good, they only took the jews, queers and democrats this time" -- Next sweep: The Undefinables, those who didn't fit into any categories: Put them to work in TrumpStop Patriot Camps. Don't wanna be re-educated because didn't like getting educated to begin with - Dave's school years. You'd be happier if you'd never educated yourself. You know too much Dave. What yoou know may not be all right, but there's a lot of it." Kavanaugh's calendar. Stang had one kinda like that. "How stupid did I get?" Even filmed some and THANK GOD THE INTERNET WASN'T AROUND THEN! Thank the euphemisms the Net didn't get invented until I was in my 30s! Otherwise we'd be GUILTY! Splurting out wrong things at wrong time. Like Let's Visit the World of the Future, Stang's old 16mm underground movie. The war and hate won't go away, vision of future as an 18 year old. Dave wrote a play that people now use his weird words from it. A Head of his time like "Bob." He's timeless but we're old. Waiting for death having coffee in the square. ACan never get enough pie. Pie are squared.
((42)) Dog ate his bed right behind me while we're doing show! Claudia licking herself sound effect in background! Don't you wish you could do that? More licking sounds with grunting. Dave can hear it? We've been talking for an hour... so now we could be free... for a little while... if we want to be... After the shows, Stang always thinks it was bad, but when hear's recording later it sounds pretty good. Dave like Firesign and Montython. Monty Python been around for 50 years - I saw 'em at 20! Dave's cheese shop. We need a leader so we can disobey him. Quotes on "Bob" -- not all caps. He's not the Facebook BOB. Face-based religion. There but for the Face of "Bob" go I. Look at his eyes long enough you see your own death -- don't do it. Stang couldn't talk when he did and those were his best shows... normal to Wei. Stang misses Wei and Mom. Mom like a a guiding beacon of positivity. Gotta go back to Ohio and retrieve all HoS tapes and them and then everything will be fine. (Stang cries.) Show not the same without Wei's laugh track of cackling. No fairness... fair is where you take your pig. Fair only for the rich and that's who the poor people vote for. Our President got $100,000 when he was five years old 'cause tax fraud. End of show... subgenius.com - other SubGenius shows, so don't get hooked on this one. You could get sick -- just look at us. Mere shadows of our former shadowiness. You'll see you damn kids, if you're lucky enough to live long enough to be miserable. Bye Dave.

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NOTE: THE HOUR OF SLACK is released in two versions.

The X-RATED "INTERNET VERSION" contains all original "fucks," "shits," "God damns," etc., and this is the one which is downloadable from SubSITE and which is sent to individual subscribers OR non-American radio stations.

All American radio stations (except WORT, Madison) are sent the "PG RATED CENSORED VERSION," which has the Bad Words either reversed, bleeped, or replaced with the spoken word "Bob", depending on what works best.

The Church of the SubGenius Radio Ministry seeks to brainwash you totally into abject lifelong subservience to The High Epopt and Living SlackMaster, J. R. "Bob" Dobbs, BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY.


Slack, Bob Dobbs, Hour of Slack, comedy, conspiracy, collage, satire, X-Day, sex, Church of the SubGenius, Ivan Stang, The Firesign Theatre, Dr. Hal, Puzzling Evidence, Dr. Philo Drummond, Rev. Susie the Floozie, Lonesome Cowboy Dave, Ministry of Slack, McLuhan, movie trivia, DEVO, apocalypse, end of the world, Dr. Legume, LeMur

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