Subject: Great Satan?

From: iDRMRSR <alex.i.thymia@depression.org>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Sun, Sep 30, 2001 9:07 PM
Message-ID: <61BF978CBF907AB2.8348684A784B02AD.90A271DDD17DE451@lp.airnews.net>

Word to all you Taliban out there.

I'll have you know, I'm not that great a Satan. I get all tongue-tied
trying to read scripture backwards. I manage to get in and out of
churches of every denomination, temples of all sorts, even Mosques,
without even breaking into a sweat. I can drive by a whole cemetery
full of crucifixes without having to blink.

So I've done a couple of things I'm not proud of. Probably the worst is
reading this one Clown Felching story somebody posted. Parts of it
kinda gave me a big wedgie, I must admit.

I wipe my ass with my right hand, and also shake my pud with it. I'll
go into the bathroom, take a whiz, and then ten seconds later shake
hands with my boss or something. Oh yes, and I love pork. Bacon.
Bratwurst (though come to think of it, that's probably veal, except for
Johnson's Bratwurst, which really isn't Bratwurst at all). Ribs.
Ham...even have that on the Holy Days like Easter.

Without getting into the details, I've also tasted menstrual blood and
spilled my semen all over the place, but so far, not in a moving
airplane. See what I mean, if I was a real Great Satan, I'd be sure my
semen covered everything like Sherwin Williams. I'm not even close.

I don't hang with other demons, either. Well, this one guy I work with,
I think he lays with a man. Pretty bad, but it's not like I do! Once
again, just fair to middling.

Oh yeah, once I lent some money to somebody and made him pay interest on
it. But it was just a hair over prime. It amounted to maybe $10.
Doesn't sound exactly GREAT to me!

So back off, cut me some slack. I think you have the wrong impression
of us entirely. We're not that Great of Satans!

[*]
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Subject: Re: Jihad in my Neck
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Wed, Oct 3, 2001 4:45 PM
Message-ID: <031020011645006749%stang@subgenius.com>

In article <20011003124349.07138.00000393@mb-mq.aol.com>, Salacia the
Overseer <opalpeacok@aol.com.net> wrote:

> My whammy is bigger than your whammy!
> Take this!
>
> The X-ist Saints command you, cunning mathemagicians and all of the human
> agents of NHGHEE, to stop confusing yourself and to keep you from annoying
> yetikind; to stop persecuting the Church of the SubGenius, to stop tormenting
> "Bob"'s elect and sifting them as seeds from 'frop. This is the command made
> to
> you by the Most High "Bob", with Whom in your haughty insolence you still
> pretend to be equal; the "Bob" Who will have all yeti to be $aved, and to come
> to the knowledge of the Rupture.
>
> So there! *raspberries* beep, beep, neener~ neener~
>

HALLELUIAH!!! All of a sudden, not only did the last vestige of my neck
ache vanish, but my right hand grew a sixth finger, and I got THREE
power-boners, I mean, purple-veined diamond-cutters with YOUR NAME on
them, two of which STILL won't go away! And the fucking STOCK MARKET
started going back up again!

You can do THAT again, ANY time, honey! HOOO-hah! Andale arriba!
KREEGAH BUNDOLO!!

--
4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected
P.O. Box 181417, Cleveland, OH 44118 (fax 216-320-9528)
A subsidiary of:
The SubGenius Foundation, Inc. / P.O. Box 140306, Dallas, TX 75214
SubSITE: http://www.subgenius.com PRABOB
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: Jihad in my Neck
From: "The Rev. Jim J'lahn, MS, II_III_II" <jlwn111@worldnet.att.net>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Wed, Oct 3, 2001 5:58 PM
Message-ID: <LOLu7.160$s4.71345@newsfeed.slurp.net>

> neener~ neener~

Excuse me? Neener neener? The fuck?

ALSO - Rev. Ivan Stang - What the so-called "Overseer" wrote was a "whammy"
out to me, not a "cure" out to you. You really did know that, right? But
unbelievably, somehow, AND EVEN I DON'T KNOW HOW, the stock market did rise
(even MY company's stock went up --- doesn't that just BEAT all!) and you,
like you
said, "got THREE power-boners...purple-veined diamond-cutters with [her]
NAME on them, two of which STILL won't go away!"

Go fucking fig. At this point, I'm just gonna yield...

I AM The Rev. Jim J'lahn, MS, II_III_II

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Original file name: Great Satan? - converted on Wednesday, 10 October 2001, 17:00