Important War News

From: iDRMRSR <alex.i.thymia@depression.org>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Mon, Oct 1, 2001 8:33 PM
Message-ID: <3967CFA07CB755A2.3BDBF0D24F366C0D.C1BA798109C0DF23@lp.airnews.net>

The administration today revealed that it was doubling taxes across the
board. The unspecified amount to be collected will be used to fund "an
action at the place of our choosing and an hour of our choosing". For
national security reasons, further details could not be released.
However, an unnamed administration official said that Americans should
make themselves ready for further tax increases. And while they are at
it, social security reductions. The administration official went on to
say "in this time of our history, we're sure our citizens will gladly
fund any initiative related to the matter at hand, however large, and
however an imposition on them personally. And trust in their government
to do the things that are really necessary to accomplish the aims we so
loftily hope to achieve, though these may not be disclosed to them for
obvious reasons of national security."

In an unrelated move, the Church of the Subgenius raised its fee for
salvation to $60, and in place of the customary triple-your-money-back
guarantee, is instead issuing a due bill for Church merchandise.
"That's the equivalent of six videos, ten T shirts, or a dozen CD's
chock full of MP3s and/or videos" said a reliable COTSG source, on
condition of anonymity.

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Subject: Re: Important War News
From: Hulkturds@crappagammabrick.ouch (HellPope Huey)
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Tue, Oct 2, 2001 11:48 PM
Message-ID: <Hulkturds-0210012148350001@208-135-242-138.dial-up.ipa.net>

In article <26a3a89e.0110020637.4197fefb@posting.google.com>,
lyonderboy@hotmail.com (Lupus Yonderboy) wrote:

> Shit, I paid at XDayIV and still haven't sent my card in yet.
> Slack. How d'ya like that?
> Paid, but not a member.
> How did SLACK do THAT?

As soon as you paid yer money, the Bobyons enveloped you like the stink
of a burning icehouse full of unwashed bikers and half-cured vole pelts.
The card is simply an external-use talisman and not a requirement as such.
The Slack itself was simply made to bud from within when you coughed up
the bucks. You were saved/damned the minute Dobbs sniffed yer dollars.
Goodnight, little SubGenius, good night, don't let the "Bob"-bugs bite.

HellPope Huey, hellpopehuey@subgenius.com
Trio of Ocularly-Deficient Rodents
Slashed by Psychotic Housefrau, Pg. 7

"When some political or ecclesiastical pamphlet,
or novel, or poem is making a great commotion,
you should remember that he who writes for fools
always finds a large public."
- Schopenhauer

"Are you ready to step up to 'Big Boy" pants?
Then you're ready for a Steihl chainsaw!!"
- a damned commercial for 'em

"The mayor is the problem,
the flagpole is the answer!"
- Firesign Theatre, "Boom Dot Bust"

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Original file name: Important War News - converted on Wednesday, 10 October 2001, 17:00