Good morning on this July Tenth of 1998, twenty minutes ahead of nine
o'clock. This is your host Brand Richter here at radio SLAK, and today
we're talking with Dr. Hans Yarnov, who has been working with the Post-X-Day recovery operation of the Church down in Dallas, trying to ressurect the
hard drives of former Church scribe, the Reverend Ivan Stang. As you had
all better know by now, Stang and 143 other Subgenii were ruptured at
7:00am on X-Day, this past July 5th.
The word is that Stang and the others were succesfully rematerialized
aboard the Escape Vessels of the Sex Goddesses. This is according to the
first MWOWM terminal, which landed on top of Stang's Macintosh, Muleskinner.
Richter: Dr. Yarnov, how is the work coming?
Yarnov: We've had some trouble with Stang's hard drive and Jazz cartridges.
Our main objective is to retrieve the AntiChrist, the virtual Dobbs which
supposidly attained consciousness just before being crushed by MWOWM. Since
nobody knows where the real Dobbs is at the moment, we hope to get some
guidance from the virtual one.
Richter: Ah, so you're having trouble because its.. crushed into thousands
of itty-bitty pieces?
Yarnov: No, no, the media is all intact. Its all the bulldada, pornography,
and 3D 'frop leaves! We can't sort out the BULLSHIT!
Richter: Can't you just run the Dobbs program?
Yarnov: We can't FIND the program, you EEEDIOT! It's all covered in SHIT!
Richter: Ah, I see. Moving right along, were you surprised when Pamela
Anderson was ruptured?
Yarnov: Not really. We did find a slightly-charred copy of the Sacred
Mailing List, underneith the body of Stang's dog, and although Anderson's name wasn't on it, it only makes sense that the Sex Goddesses would need spare parts for creating all those fantasies.
Richter: Are you jealous of the escaped SubGenii?
Yarnov: Not at all. They are basking in False Slack, just like the pinks who
stick their engorged members into the side of a MWOWM Sex Dispenser.
Richter: What about all the monkey sex?
Yarnov: Monkey sex was around for a long, long time before X-Day. The fact
that it has increased on such a dramatic scale is probably a result of all
the thousands of SubGenii who feel CHEATED and SWINDLED. Have you read the
reports of dead monkeys found with faces terribly mutilated so as to
resemble Ivan Stang's face?
Richter: No, I havn't heard -
Yarnov: Its terrible! Some sick perverts have been shoving baked beans up
monkey's assholes, cutting up their little monkey faces, and then copulating
with them!
Richter: I havn't seen an ass full of beans since Johnson was president.
Yarnov: That's NOTHING compared to what the Eurpoean SubGenii have been
doing. They knew that they had been swindled HOURS before we did here
in the states. They've actually begun to construct Escape Vessels out of
refridgerator boxes, and building Sex Goddesses using dead female body parts
and DOGS! They're SEWING TITTIES ONTO DOGS, FOR "BOB"'S SAKE!
Richter: Well, it was a pleasure having you here with us today. Coming up
next, we have some letters from listeners, but first, let's take a call.
Hello, you're on the air with SLACK, who's this?
Caller: I touched my penis.
Richter: That's wonderful!
Caller: It made a funny noise, and then it started changing color... kinda
a greenish blue, and then, and then, it BROKE OFF!!! AHHHH!!! OH MY GOD!!!
Richter: We need to start screening these calls. (short pause) Ah, okay,
uh, that's all the time we have for today. Seems a mob of angry pinks is
trying to demolish our station with honey hams. Time to kick some ass.
Original file name: Radio SLAK - JŠly 10th, 1998
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