Subject: Fuck the "New Normal"

From: "Rev. Magdalen" <magdalen@home.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Fri, Sep 21, 2001 12:15 PM

People keep tellin me, "You gotta learn to shoot a gun!" "You gotta
stockpile distilled water!" "You gotta get the anthrax vaccine!" and other
bullshit like that.

They tell me that two special-ops backpack nukes are missing. They tell me
our water supplies are dangerously unguarded. They tell me "it could happen
again, at any time!"

Guess what? Those nukes have been missing for years. The water towers have
ALWAYS just been sitting there like big fat targets. There's been plenty
anthrax floatin around the world since before I was born. I'm SICK of the
HOO HAW!!!

New normal my ASS! Whoever did the 911 attacks (and I am STILL pretty sure
it was rich white kids from Iowa) is not in any position to do it AGAIN.
Whatever they do next, it won't be THAT. The whole point of it was the
element of surprise.

Now they're tellin us that there are traitors among us, sent here from
training camps way over there in Araby Land, and they're a-plottin and
a-schemin to do more attacks any time now (the latest internet rumor says
it's supposed to be tomorrow, Saturday the 22nd) and so we all got to be on
constant vigilance and report any suspicious stuff and just in general walk
around on eggshells and keep the safeties off on our berserker natures.

Now, I'm all for reporting suspicious trucks parked under bridges, and
people climbin the sides of water towers and whatnot, but there is no reason
why we have to change our whole attitude about life. All these threats were
here two weeks ago, and we Slacked off just fine back then anyway. We can
still Slack off today! We can, and we SHOULD!
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: Fuck the "New Normal"
From: nu-monet <nothing@succeeds.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack

Rev. Magdalen wrote:
>
> Now, I'm all for reporting suspicious trucks parked
> under bridges,

Suspiciously rocking with windows steamy?

> and people climbin the sides of water towers

High school kids armed with whitewash and paintbrushes?

Remember that police make their living *right now*
investigating stuff that doesn't look normal.

Good police disregard stuff that doesn't look normal
but doesn't bug them, and seems not to be making a
ruckus or a mess.

The difference is philosophy: Is it their job to bug
people for doing things that while not really illegal,
annoy or disturb somebody else, indirectly?

--
"Nature abhors a peasant. You will soon see
a violent demonstration of this fact."
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: Fuck the "New Normal"
From: none@yerbiz.com (Legume)
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Fri, Sep 21, 2001 2:13 PM
Message-ID: <Xns912390C4C80CECortezLegume18465086@24.12.106.199>

nu-monet wrote:

> The difference is philosophy: Is it their job to bug
> people for doing things that while not really illegal,
> annoy or disturb somebody else, indirectly?

Shit, you must never have been to New Jersey. The cops there hassled me
once for walking down the street drinking coffee. I was wearing a
motorcycle helmet, it was the dead of winter. I rode to a coffee shop I
liked to frequent, but it was closed for another half hour. So I walked
four blocks to a convenience store to get a cup of coffee there to warm up,
and as I'm walking back to my bike, a cop car pulls up and the cop starts
questioning me.

Cop:"What are you doing?"

Legume:"drinking coffee"

"Why are you wearing a Motorcycle helmet?"

Legume:"Because I ride a motorcycle"

Cop:"You're not riding it now"

Legume:blank stare at cop for making obvious observation

Cop: "Where is it?"

Legume: "Parked a few blocks away."

Cop:"Why are you walking then?"

Legume: Another blank stare..."Because I can't ride a motorcycle and carry
a cup of hot coffee at the same time".

Cop: "Do you have any ID?"

Legume: "Why?"

Cop: "In case something happens."

Legume: "Like what? Like I spill my coffee?"

Cop: "Um..."

Legume: "Do you know the difference between curiosity and suspicion?
Curiosity is when you see something and wonder about it. You were curious
as to why I was wearing a helmet walking down the street. I've explained to
you why I am."

"Suspicion is when you see something and believe that there is an offense
being committed. So unless there is a law against walking down the street
drinking coffee, I'd appreciate it if you'd leave me alone and let me drink
my damn coffee before it gets cold".

And then I went on my merry way, got on my bike, and rode away; I never
spent another fucking dime in that town again.

Stupid bohunk Jersey cops. Most of them aint worth a damn.

--
Dr. K. "Cortez" Legume
Founder of alt.binaries.3d.poser
and Keeper of the Motherfuckin' Keys
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: Fuck the "New Normal"
From: "Blackout" <blackout@404infomagic.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Fri, Sep 21, 2001 2:36 PM
Message-ID: <0QLq7.105$N67.357121@news.uswest.net>

"Rev. Magdalen" wrote

> People keep tellin me, "You gotta learn to shoot a gun!"

you should. lotsa fun actually, even if the pink panic of '01 don't play
out.

don't they REQUIRE you to own one in Texas? you may be in violation of
local ordinances.

> "You gotta
> stockpile distilled water!"

tastes better anyways. don't you live in Texas?

"You gotta get the anthrax vaccine!" and other
> bullshit like that.

you gotta get a couple Anthrax cd's is probably more like it.

> why we have to change our whole attitude about life. All these
threats were
> here two weeks ago, and we Slacked off just fine back then anyway. We
can
> still Slack off today! We can, and we SHOULD!

the good news is that prices on air fare have been DRASTICALLY REDUCED!

you may even be able to beat Sterno's deal on Amsterdam packages now!
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: Fuck the "New Normal"
From: "Blackout" <blackout@404infomagic.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Fri, Sep 21, 2001 4:45 PM
Message-ID: <eINq7.261$N67.448262@news.uswest.net>

"Legume" wrote

>
> Stupid bohunk Jersey cops. Most of them aint worth a damn.

"OH LOOKEEE HEAH, MISTAH BALD HEADED SMAHTMOUTH DONE GOT HISSELF A
*BUSTED* (smashsmashsmash) TAIL LAHT"
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: Fuck the "New Normal"
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

In article <qIJq7.30215$707.17025431@news2.rdc2.tx.home.com>, Rev.
Magdalen <magdalen@home.com> wrote:

>
> Guess what? Those nukes have been missing for years. The water towers have
> ALWAYS just been sitting there like big fat targets. There's been plenty
> anthrax floatin around the world since before I was born. I'm SICK of the
> HOO HAW!!!
>

I was just commiserating with St. Palmer Vreedeez about that. God damn
it, us zillions of "boomers" who grew up in the Cold War were NOT
worried about a few thousand people getting SICK or BLOWN TO BITS. We
were worried that ALL LIFE ON THE PLANET might be extinguished. Nay,
not WORRIED, but ALMOST CERTAIN. The big difference now is that
buildings or cities getting fucked up is CONCEIVABLE, whereas a true
nuclear winter was ABSTRACT. So abstract that most of our
contemporaries didn't really think about it that much. The U.S. stopped
doing civil defense drils in the 60s when they decided a nuclear war
would be not only unwinnable but completely fatal all the way around.
They stockpiled MORPHINE, not food.

But to some of us, especially the morbid ones that read too much sci
fi, it was a palpable and constant threat. In high school, I took
survival training instead of sports (unusual school, with an Outward
Bound like program). I did not study fighting. I studied wildernes
survival.

Then we had Vietnam, which for a young man was a VERY palpaple threat.
And some of you may remember that the 70s were peppered with hijackings
and hostage takings. During the 80s and 90s the troubles were mostly
overseas... out of sight and mind unless you were an obsessive news hog
like I was for a long time there.

For these reasons, I find myself being less emotionally upset about the
current situation than some younger folks. Oh, I'm still paranoid as
hell, but I always knew they really were out to get us.

Being unable to do much of anything about it is also a big relief, in a
truly perverted and sickening sort of way.

Indeed, I had my first nightmare about the "war" yesterday morning... I
dreamed someone else was berating me about my not having done enough
about the war. I woke up feeling guilty for not saving the world. Then
I got over it, soon as I remembered "Bob," the universal scapegoat.

Doing a satirical radio show during a time like this is a tricky
balancing act, but I have actually been enjoying it. ESO Swamp Radio
got one call last night though from a guy who did NOT like our little
show. "THIS.... SUCKS!!! You.... SUCK!!! This is.... just SHIT!!!" And
the sad thing is, he never told us if he was mad because we were
gutless enemy-loving traitors or unforgiveable ignorant war-mongers. I
guess the fact that he couldn't peg us or pin us down in one area or
the other ran up his blood pressure. I have no problem at all, myself,
with saying that I don't know the whole story, and that EVERY course of
action OR inaction looks to me to lead to more Trouble.

What the High Officers of the Fatherland Homestead Security Company
seemed to be saying to us last night was, "We're gonna get back to
assassinating and terrorizing ourselves, BIG time, and this time DON'T
COMPLAIN." AMAZING how fucking AMBIGUOUS the speechwriters can make
things, however. A lot of what Bush said could MEAN just about ANY damn
thing.

Which I'm sure is exactly the idea -- saber rattling designed to scare
the shit out of everybody. Sure scares the shit out of me.

I have lately been looking into many kook websites which purport that
the Bushes themselves schemed up this whole mess (WITH the Iraqis) so
as to finish taking over the world in a monstrous police state, but you
know what? The websites that I looked at which push this idea are all
done by people I have, by coincidence, I suppose, actually MET IN THE
FLESH -- and in PERSON they act mentally ill as all FUCK.

Plus their "proofs" are about as solid as those of UFO afficionados and
psychic researchers. "Foreign networks" being the most common. Ah.
Well. THAT explains it.

Beware those who confidently inform you that they know exactly what's
going on... said Stang, confidently.

--
4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected
P.O. Box 181417, Cleveland, OH 44118 (fax 216-320-9528)
A subsidiary of:
The SubGenius Foundation, Inc. / P.O. Box 140306, Dallas, TX 75214
SubSITE: http://www.subgenius.com PRABOB


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