From: info <>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Wed, Sep 19, 2001 2:16 AM
Message-ID: <>

From (consistantly serving up big slabs of the best
goddamn satire since The Realist):


American Taliban Have Terrorist Attacks Figured Out


by staff

Television evangelists Mullah Jerry Fal-Well and Mullah Pat Ro
Bert Son, two of the most prominent voices of the American
Taliban religious right, said liberal civil liberties groups,
feminists, homosexuals and abortion rights supporters bear
responsibility for Tuesday's terrorist attacks because their actions
have turned Allah's anger against America. "Allah continues to lift
the curtain and allow the enemies of America to give us probably
what we deserve," said Fal-Well, appearing yesterday on the
American Taliban Broadcasting Network's "700 AD Club," hosted
by Robertson. "Jerry, that's my feeling," Ro Bert Son responded. "I
think we've just seen the antechamber to terror. We haven't even
begun to see what they can do to the major population."

Mullah Fal-Well said the American Civil Liberties Union has "got
to take a lot of blame for this," again winning Robertson's
agreement: "Well, yes."

Then Fal Well broadened his blast to include the federal courts
and others who he said were "throwing Allah out of the public
square." He added: "The abortionists have got to bear some
burden for this because God will not be mocked."

"I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the
feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to
make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People for the
American Way -- all of them who have tried to secularize America
-- I point the finger in their face and say, 'You helped this happen.'"
said Mullah Fal Well.

They then laid out a plan of attack against foreign terrorists. "If we
can figure out some way to harness the power of the homo in
invoking Allah's wrath, we can turn homos and very masculine
lezbos into some kind of death ray device." said Mullah Fal Well.
Fal Well and Ro Bert Son then volunteered themselves to travel to
Afghanistan, suspected hideout of main bombing suspect
Osama Bin Laden and seduce him with what they called
"unnatural acts." Mullah Fal Well added, "If we get on all fours for
God, then we can bring the foreign terrorists to their knees."

© 2001


Ignatz Topolino

33rd Degree Rollercoastafarian, Sexton and Thereminister,
Second Metropolitan Church of the Art of Jesus Christ the Conductor

"It is not nuclear bombs we must fear. The weapon is the human mind, or
lack of it, on this planet."
-- General Boy for DEVO Inc.

Back to document index

Original file name: MULLAH FAL-WELL AND MULLAH RO-... - converted on Monday, 24 September 2001, 21:28

This page was created using TextToHTML. TextToHTML is a free software for Macintosh and is (c) 1995,1996 by Kris Coppieters