A Special Holiday Note

Date: Sun, Mar 31, 2002 12:53 PM

From: "nu-monet v4.0" <nothing@succeeds.com>

Not about the current Xtian holiday, but about one of our
most *sacred* SubGenius holidays: April 10th Day, popularly
known as "Chocolate Overindulgence Day."

Why does this day matter? Because even if the rest of
your year has been meager, generally Slackless, boring,
insipid, stupid and generally filled with stuff that is
utterly bringdownish, THIS IS YOUR ONE CHANCE to totally
BLOW IT OFF!

What the HELL am I talking about?

The Xtians have finished their silly rabbit cruxiviction
zombie nonsense, so there is boucoup leftover chocolate
of all kinds at DISCOUNT PRICES. And yet, in a mere 5
days hence from April 10th Day, comes the secular Xtian
holiday of the mortification of the flesh, IRS DAY
(St. Vlad Tepes day, on *our* calendar.)

So what the HELL *IS* "Chocolate Overindulgence Day?"

Chocolate contains a drug, phenylalynine, which is a mild
tranquilizer/muscle relaxant. By spending the morning in
deep excremediation--willing onesself into an OVERMAN state
of mind and body--until comes the time when one *MUST* GORGE
ON DELICIOUS CHOCOLATE--stuffing yourself until you cannot
pick up another piece; you achieve that breakthrough of
mood and mind that can RIP you from your lethargy on the
luck plane, from the eddy of stagnant NORMALITY, and once
again THROW YOU HEADLONG INTO THE UNPREDICTABLE, HORRIFIC
and THRILLINGLY ORGASMIC UNKNOWN!

"FUCK THAT DIET! FUCK THE MESS! FUCK EVERTHING! IT JUST
DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER ANYMORE! AAAAIIIIIEEEEEGGGGHHHHH!"

In a way, it is like "sin eating"(*) in REVERSE! You are
GOBBLING UP the SINS that surround you, SINS that will then
NOT be TAKEN AWAY by "Bob", but will be MULTIPLIED by "Bob"!!!

No longer will you be the uncomfortable Steppenwolf trodding
the razor between GOOD and "Bob" and EVIL, but instead you
use that damn razor as a SPRINGBOARD! to jump HEAD FIRST
INTO "Bob", and FUCK FUCK FUCKITY FUCK BOTH GOOD *AND* EVIL!!!

And that, my children, is why April 10th is sacred unto us.

(*)an interesting episode of 'Night Gallery', I recall.

--
"I'm going in to rescue him. It's my duty.
My duty as a complete and utter bastard."
--Rimmer, from "Red Dwarf"

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Original file name: A Special Holiday Note.txt - converted on Friday, 20 September 2002, 16:08