A Question Re: Simony
From: boxholder9@netscape.net (Man's Best Friend)
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Thu, Mar 7, 2002
Does the Church actively practice or promote Simony? If so, which
offices or "indulgences" are for sale?
MBF
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From: "St. Marc the Perpetually Amused"
This Church essentially *is* the practice of Simony. Render unto "Bob" that
which is "Bob"'s, and you're Saved.
Although I've noticed that tithing is a very effective method of altering
the pitch of the Luck Plane.
St. Marc
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From: "nu-monet v4.0"
1 Pamphlet = $2 = "No vice"
1 Insolence = $10 = "Bus Stop Pest"
1 Reverendship = $30 = "Reverend"
5 Insolences = 1 Lenitive = $50 = "Groupie"
2 Lenitives = 1 Expurgative = $100 = "Stalker"
2 Expurgatives = 1 Shirk = $200 = "Saucer Pilot"
1 Shirks + Onstage Devival Rant = 1 Overindulgence = $200.25 =
"Artist"
2 Overindulgences + Devival Organization = 1 Slack Credit =
$400+ = "Overman"
Actually Working For the Church = Priceless = "Hierarch"
Insolences are used for the remission of minor breaches, such
as:
> Cooperation
> Denial
> Idealism
> Humility
> Assassination
Lenitives are use to atone for more serious vile-ations:
> Tackiness
> Fashionable Sadomasochism
> Roller Disco
> Flatulence Retention
> Voting
Expurgatives, which are accompanied by The Great Seal of Dobbs
and a colorful ribbon (at a slight additional charge), and ARE
REDEEMABLE for a free large french fries (at participating
restaurants), WILL GUARANTEE YOU the paranormal and
superhuman ability to NOT WORK.
Shirks, WHICH ALWAYS bear the Great Seal of Dobbs and a
colorful ribbon AT NO ADDITIONAL COST, GUARANTEES you the
eventual promotion to CEO or PRESIDENT of any FORTUNE 500
COMPANY that you choose, or if none are currently available,
re-election to any PUBLIC OFFICE to which you have been
elected.
OVERINDULGENCES are needed by the vilest of offenders, WHO
HAVE ALREADY BEEN CONDEMNED TO THE SLACKLESS VOID, and suffer
unceasing demands and torment from employer, friends and
family, which keeps them unendingly SLACKLESS. And only
through the purchase of these, which may occasionally be
SIGNED BY THE HIGH EPOPT HIMSELF, may they avoid the cruel
fate that is in store for them. AND AS A SPECIAL BONUS is
included a LAMINATED GENUINE OFFICIAL ALL-INCLUSIVE, DIVINE
EXCUSE AND X-DAY PASS, to insure that they are not left
behind to suffer the same horrible, awful, painful demise
as their employer, friends and family.
--
"YOU BELONG TO US NOW!"
"GET DOWN WITH MY SICKNESS!!"
--Kino Beman, brand name
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From: joecosby@mindspring.com (Joe Cosby)
"St. Marc the Perpetually Amused" hunched
over a computer, typing feverishly;
thunder crashed, "St. Marc the Perpetually Amused"
>
>This Church essentially *is* the practice of Simony. Render unto "Bob" that
>which is "Bob"'s, and you're Saved.
>
Render unto "Bob" what is YOURS and you're saved.
Giving "Bob" his own stuff doesn't impress him much.
>Although I've noticed that tithing is a very effective method of altering
>the pitch of the Luck Plane.
>
Donating body parts especially.
"Bob" loves when people donate spare body parts.
>St. Marc
>
--
Joe Cosby
http://joecosby.home.mindspring.com
If a foreign satellite accidentally cleaned a furtive abnormality, then the curious
ocean leaves.
Sig by Kookie Jar 5.98d http://go.to/generalfrenetics/
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Arbane the Terrible
Joe Cosby wrote:
> "Bob" loves when people donate spare body parts.
Do they have to be ours? If not, I think I know how to dispose of a few
politicians...
--
"Remember, the plural of 'moron' is 'focus group'."
-- James A. Wolf
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From: "St. Marc the Perpetually Amused"
"Joe Cosby" wrote in message
news:3c885091.162015349@News.CIS.DFN.DE...
>
> Render unto "Bob" what is YOURS and you're saved.
>
> Giving "Bob" his own stuff doesn't impress him much.
Yes and no. I could have phrased that better. "Bob's" point of view, and who
am *I* to argue with him, is that EVERYTHING is "Bob's." Giving him some
part of his stuff that he's already laid claim to is not effective, you're
dead on there. But acknowledging his Claim to Everything by giving him some
part of it that he hasn't yet GOT often amuses him, or at least attracts his
attention. This is sorta like a Discordian praying - we have to be REALLY
desperate or REALLY drunk to do it, but sometimes there's no other way.
> >Although I've noticed that tithing is a very effective method of altering
> >the pitch of the Luck Plane.
> >
>
> Donating body parts especially.
>
> "Bob" loves when people donate spare body parts.
Do you have to find them lying around or is it okay to, um, liberate them?
St. Marc