Church of sub G is Satanist



From: xenu
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Wed, Feb 20, 2002

Ok so here it is: I know this girl (YES it's possible) and any way we
have become good friends so i asked her out on a date she sayed yes (
I know i can not believe it my self) the day before our date she call
s me up and says she's not going. it seems her mother is convinced the
church of the sub G is a devil worshipers cult. so now i can not see
at all.

guess i'm going die a virgin for sure now. =((

Oh well i still have "BoB"
----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Modemac

On Thu, 21 Feb 2002 00:23:40 GMT, xenu wrote:
>guess i'm going die a virgin for sure now. =((

Come to X-Day and you'll stand a good chance of curing yourself of
that problem.  As for the devil-worshipping part, did you remember to
point out the fact that Jesus Christ Himself is in charge of managing
the SubGenius Foundation, Inc.?

--
First Online Church of "Bob"
http://www.modemac.com/
----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: xenu

On Wed, 20 Feb 2002 19:28:03 -0500, Modemac
wrote:

>On Thu, 21 Feb 2002 00:23:40 GMT, xenu wrote:
>>guess i'm going die a virgin for sure now. =((
>
>Come to X-Day and you'll stand a good chance of curing yourself of
>that problem.  As for the devil-worshipping part, did you remember to
>point out the fact that Jesus Christ Himself is in charge of managing
>the SubGenius Foundation, Inc.?

I forgot about those things.

besides i just remembered the saying " FUCK EM IF THEY CAN'T TAKE A
JOKE!!!!"      
----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "nu-monet v4.0"

xenu wrote:
>
> Ok so here it is: I know this girl (YES it's possible) and
> any way we have become good friends so i asked her out on a
> date she sayed yes (I know i can not believe it my self) the
> day before our date she calls me up and says she's not going.
> it seems her mother is convinced the church of the sub G is a
> devil worshipers cult. so now i can not see at all.
>
> guess i'm going die a virgin for sure now. =((
>

Waitasec.  Think this one through.  She says she can't see
you because her mother thinks you are a "bad boy?"

When was the last time 95% of females turned down a date
with a male who their *mothers* said was a "bad boy?"

Shitfire.  The girls who turned me down said I reminded
them of their father too much.  If they even suspected
that I was a "bad boy" I was in like Flynn!

Most girls go bananas over "bad boys."  Some are so
confused on the issue they go after *real* "bad boys"
and not just the ones who *look* like bad boys.

I would make an opportunity to get this young lady alone!

--
"YOU BELONG TO US NOW!"
"GET DOWN WITH MY SICKNESS!!"

 --Kino Beman, brand name
----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: xenu

On Thu, 21 Feb 2002 00:31:37 GMT, "nu-monet v4.0"
wrote:

>
>Most girls go bananas over "bad boys."  Some are so
>confused on the issue they go after *real* "bad boys"
>and not just the ones who *look* like bad boys.
>

thanks man i guess i'll just wait it out. and see what happens.
----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "nu-monet v4.0"

> thanks man i guess i'll just wait it out. and see what
> happens.

No!  Do not wait.  Do not hesitate.  Don't *say* it, but
project that you are kind of offended, like "Hey, all of
my people are Satanists, and I'm a Satanist, and I'm
*proud* of being a Satanist", or some shit.

Again, don't actually *say* that.  But project it.

Use lines like:  

"We would really catch hell if your mom *caught* us right now!"

"Maybe someday you'll meet a guy that your *mom* approves of!"

"I guess your *mom* wants you to marry a guy like your *dad*!"

"Too bad your *mom* doesn't let you make up your own mind!"

"How would your *mom* punish you for hanging out with me?"

--
"YOU BELONG TO US NOW!"
"GET DOWN WITH MY SICKNESS!!"

 --Kino Beman, brand name
----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Paul E. Jamison"

xenu wrote:

>
> guess i'm going die a virgin for sure now. =((
>

Remember the old saying: Born a virgin - died a virgin - laid in the
grave.

Paul E. Jamison

--

"There's more pressure on a vet to get it right.
People say 'It was God's will' when Granny dies,
but they get *angry* when they lose a cow."
                                  - Terry Pratchett
----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "glassgnost"

"xenu" wrote in message
news:0vg87uo97s5r2ovlt5ecpaa86455u8itri@4ax.com...

> besides i just remembered the saying " FUCK EM IF THEY CAN'T TAKE A
> JOKE!!!!"

...and if you could follow those simple fucking directions, you wouldn't
still be a virgin, would you you not-at-cause downstat son-of-a-bitch.

Get with the program. The single most important thing to remember about
fundies is that their game is all about "sin" and "redemption". Can't have
one without the other. Remember what Zappa said about Catholic Girls?

--
What would you do if the people you knew
Were the plastic that melted
And the chromium too?             - Frank Zappa

- dlindner (at) socal (dot) rr (dot) com -
----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: rlan538885@aol.comnobozos (RLan538885)

I had the same problem in high school when I wanted to date the Baptist
minister's daughter, and hells bells, their objection was that I was a
Presbyterian.

Take her to momma's church.  Throw yourself on the alter and TESTIFY that Satan
has ruled you, but that you now REPENT.

Hey, you want to get into the babe's pants. You can convert her to the TRUE
church after you've seduced her.


"100,000 lemmings can't be wrong"
----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Tesla Coil

On 21 Feb 2002, nu-monet v4.0 wrote:
>
> Use lines like:  
>
> "We would really catch hell if your mom *caught* us right now!"
>
> "Maybe someday you'll meet a guy that your *mom* approves of!"
>
> "I guess your *mom* wants you to marry a guy like your *dad*!"
>
> "Too bad your *mom* doesn't let you make up your own mind!"
>
> "How would your *mom* punish you for hanging out with me?"

Aw, don't attack her mom's judgement so directly.  Be subtle.
Indicate that her mom has some inaccurate ideas about you,
(don't explain what *is* accurate), but act like you understand
her mom's concerns.

"Maybe your mom dated someone from the Church of the SubGenius
when she was in High School" would be a good one, especially if
you deliver it as a plausible enough theory to make her ask.  
Her mom will deny it, of course--better if with no small amount
of indignation.  Either she believes what her mom says, whereupon
she has that much less experience to be telling her daughter not
to date you (you continue to maintain that she must have gotten
her ideas *somewhere*) -- or she doesn't believe it, whereupon
her mom is hiding something, making you even more mysterious.

Lines suggested above will be more effective if you send mixed
signals that you're concerned for her, but that her mom is in
some vague way correct, maybe she *should* stay away from you.
"I wouldn't want your mom to punish you for hanging out with
me," and "I hope someday you meet a guy your mom approves of."