It is (now) Written in the Sofa of Life!

From: "iDRMRSR" <idrmrsr@subgenius.com>
Date: Sat, Oct 25, 2003 3:11 AM

Up here in the industrial part of the cornhole belt, NE Ohio, the Pinks are
all a-titter about the brand NEW upscale mall that opened up kitty korner to
the OLD upscale mall. The OLD mall is one of those seventies cavernous
monstrosities where really silly stores like Saks Fifth avenue hang out.
Prolly more shaved cooter in that hole than hole in a shaved cooter, if you
know what I mean. An ocean of white rich girls buying $1000 purses like
there was no tomorrow.

The NEW place, of course, to be stylish, is built RETRO. There's no mall
there, but a bunch of shoppes built along a fake rustic village, with
cobblestone streets and cast iron street lights, etc. Like a movie set for
a 1950s B movie town.

They went to some difficulty sticking in about 40 stores the likes of which
haven't ever been seen in these parts. Like Cheesecake Factory and Crate
and Barrel. Same shit, same high prices, but a different name on the bag,
you know. It's got the Pinks creaming their Birkenstocks (one of the stores
there).

They are clawing each other to get the last Southwestern bud vase in the
purple and brown ceramic pattern. Every homo in the area is now gainfully
employed as store mincers, too. Fact is, I think there is now a shortage of
queers because this place has so many stores demanding limpwrists as clerks
who are needed there to rave over the latest china patterns and such.

Now in that new mall, there is this place that custom makes sofas. You can
have ANY kind of sofa you want as long as it's off white. You can pay any
amount of money for that sofa depending upon what kind of off white cloth
you pick for it. It's THE store for white folks to buy off-white sofas.

In the front of the store, on account of it's their first day in business
today, they had a white velvet sofa up front with a sign on it PLEASE SIGN
IN, and a couple of black permanent markers tucked in the cushions.

So I grabbed one and signed the Sofa of Life...I put iDRMRSR on it and,
right where a fart would do maximal damage, the name J R "Bob" Dobbs.

I'm not sure, when all is said and done, that they will realize what a
priceless relic they have on their hands. An Off White Sofa of Life, where
at any time you can fart directly into Bob's name. Or just slide a cheek
over and fart into iDRMRSR's name. Whatever.

Relevant link:

http://tinyurl.com/sapt

[*]
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From: IMBJR <imbjr@imbjr.com>

Enchanting tale, but that link up there don't work - and Google's let
me down in trying to find an Ohio off-white sofa available for
signing.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "iDRMRSR" <idrmrsr@subgenius.com>

IMBJR sagt:
>>linkee no workee<<

Try this one:

http://tinyurl.com/sbqi

And just for comparison, this is probably what they were aiming for when
they built it:

http://www.portmeirion-village.com/

And here's an official iDRMRSR prophecy...You heard it FIRST. By 2005, this
shopping center will be 60% unoccupied, and the remaining stores will
include:

1. Dollar Store
2. Subway
3. Wig Shop

What were the developers smoking, anyhow? Yet until they go bankrupt the
place IS kind of COOL, in that Pink doctor/lawyer/executive way. Given this
economy, though, it's a dead man walking right now.

[*]
-----

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Joe Cosby <joecosby@SPAMBLOCKmindspring.com>

"Legacy Village"

bwaha

That name is kind of painful.

--
Joe Cosby
http://joecosby.home.mindspring.com

"we have plenty of enemies. Plenty of enemies abound. "

- Former President George Bush Sr.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Joe Cosby <joecosby@SPAMBLOCKmindspring.com>

"iDRMRSR" <idrmrsr@subgenius.com> wrote:
>And here's an official iDRMRSR prophecy...You heard it FIRST. By 2005, this
>shopping center will be 60% unoccupied, and the remaining stores will
>include:
>
>1. Dollar Store
>2. Subway
>3. Wig Shop
>
>What were the developers smoking, anyhow? Yet until they go bankrupt the
>place IS kind of COOL, in that Pink doctor/lawyer/executive way. Given this
>economy, though, it's a dead man walking right now.

I've seen a half dozen similar malls go that direction, I think you'll
win that bet.

The Ye Olde Americana malls are the ones I hate the most. The stores
are boring and they don't attract the jail bait tight jeans lolita
crowds the way real malls do. The kind of people who want to decorate
their homes like a high-tech little house on the prairie are the
pinkest kind of yuppie. In a nutshell they need -some- kind of "signs
of success" but don't have any kind of preference for anything of
their own. Even the sharper image crowd have some kind of underlying
sex drive in their home decorating scheme. The little house on the
prairie yuppies already have their 1.5 kids so they don't even have
that anymore. They -want- to want something but they don't have any
open holes in their drives. So they hang rusticated oven mitts which
they never use and hand-carved-looking wooden tools in their kitchen
and maybe a butter churn that sits next to a refrigerator stocked with
low-fat store-bought vegetable oil margarine and 20$/# starbucks'
gourmet coffee which they brew in a $2000 home latte maker.

I would prefer even the piggish conspicuous consumption people to
that, with their glinting chrome and plastic interiors. At least with
that their's something half-way interesting to -look- at.

The irony is that the people who do up their homes out of those malls,
as if their butter were hand-made in a home made butter churn and they
eat nothing but wholesome home-made apple pie don't realize that what
they -really- want to be is NENSLO.

--
Joe Cosby
http://joecosby.home.mindspring.com

Caught in New York, beneath the animals of the village, the Piper
pulled down the sky

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: mshotz@aol.commonkeypo (Rev. Richard Skull)

>The NEW place, of course, to be stylish, is built RETRO. There's no mall
>there, but a bunch of shoppes built along a fake rustic village, with
>cobblestone streets and cast iron street lights, etc. Like a movie set for
>a 1950s B movie town.

Becuase they want to attrack the same bland, cardboard cut-out people we say on
1950's TV shows.

>They went to some difficulty sticking in about 40 stores the likes of which
>haven't ever been seen in these parts. Like Cheesecake Factory and Crate
>and Barrel. Same shit, same high prices, but a different name on the bag,
>you know. It's got the Pinks creaming their Birkenstocks (one of the stores
>there).
>

As Dobbs said, they may be pink but their money is green! (or not in the case
of the new $20 bill)

>They are clawing each other to get the last Southwestern bud vase in the
>purple and brown ceramic pattern. Every homo in the area is now gainfully
>employed as store mincers, too. Fact is, I think there is now a shortage of
>queers because this place has so many stores demanding limpwrists as clerks
>who are needed there to rave over the latest china patterns and such.

If a Homo says its in Good Taste, it must be true!

"Yes the homosexual at the store said that only cool people pay $400 for this
vase."

>Now in that new mall, there is this place that custom makes sofas. You can
>have ANY kind of sofa you want as long as it's off white. You can pay any
>amount of money for that sofa depending upon what kind of off white cloth
>you pick for it. It's THE store for white folks to buy off-white sofas.

They don;t serve Your Kind

>So I grabbed one and signed the Sofa of Life...I put iDRMRSR on it and,
>right where a fart would do maximal damage, the name J R "Bob" Dobbs.

Now you have made a Sacred Church Icon! All Yeti's will be required to pay a
homage to the sacred Off White Sofa of Life!

>I'm not sure, when all is said and done, that they will realize what a
>priceless relic they have on their hands. An Off White Sofa of Life, where
>at any time you can fart directly into Bob's name. Or just slide a cheek
>over and fart into iDRMRSR's name. Whatever.

We can even screw over it! If the jism or pussy juice drips on "BoB' we will be
blessed with something we did really want.

MSHOTZ: The Post Post Modern Man

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "The Unholy Wampus Esq." <nodoorsintoi@juno.com>

"iDRMRSR" <idrmrsr@subgenius.com> wrote:
> Up here in the industrial part of the cornhole belt, NE Ohio, the Pinks
are
> all a-titter about the brand NEW upscale mall that opened up kitty korner
to
> the OLD upscale mall. The OLD mall is one of those seventies cavernous
> monstrosities where really silly stores like Saks Fifth avenue hang out.
> Prolly more shaved cooter in that hole than hole in a shaved cooter, if
you
> know what I mean. An ocean of white rich girls buying $1000 purses like
> there was no tomorrow.
>
> The NEW place, of course, to be stylish, is built RETRO. There's no mall
> there, but a bunch of shoppes built along a fake rustic village, with
> cobblestone streets and cast iron street lights, etc. Like a movie set
for
> a 1950s B movie town.
>
> They went to some difficulty sticking in about 40 stores the likes of
which
> haven't ever been seen in these parts. Like Cheesecake Factory and Crate
> and Barrel. Same shit, same high prices, but a different name on the
bag,
> you know. It's got the Pinks creaming their Birkenstocks (one of the
stores
> there).
>
> They are clawing each other to get the last Southwestern bud vase in the
> purple and brown ceramic pattern. Every homo in the area is now
gainfully
> employed as store mincers, too. Fact is, I think there is now a shortage
of
> queers because this place has so many stores demanding limpwrists as
clerks
> who are needed there to rave over the latest china patterns and such.

This sounds like the exact kind of a place
that may be high-up on the food chain of
an Al Queda internal 5th column terror
sleeper-cell's pending hit list when Usama
gives the next "go" command for allah's vestal
virgin buttfrigging corps...
.

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Original file name: It is (now) Written #1AD208.txt - converted on Saturday, 25 September 2004, 02:05