Dennis Kucinich left me a phone message!

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>
Date: Tue, Mar 2, 2004

He said he wanted me to vote for him because he was the best man for
the job! He said he would be The Worker's President and would make free
health care and raise the minimum wage to a living wage. He was very
polite in the message he left but sounded like HE MEANT IT!

I think Kucinich is INSANE in much the same way that H. Ross Perot was
insane, though obviously with a different political bent. I LIKE THAT.
Because Kucinich was briefly the insane boy mayor of Cleveland, I've
heard a lot of good things about him from my friends here. He has
absolutely stuck to his guns over all these years and is NOT FAKING
from what we can tell. He really IS insane. He just might get my vote
if Princess Wei can drag me out to the fucking god damned booths.
(SHE's so "active" that she's a volunteer for the "GLTB" people,
standing outside the polling place gathering support for QUEER
MARRIAGES!)

Last night I had a premonition of the future. KUCINICH *WILL* be
President -- for TWO DAYS. Here's how. It'll be proved that Bush DID
engineer 911 after all. It'll be proved that Kerry IS, after all, an
actual Communist Spy. Dean, Edwards, all those other guys will all be
found to have murdered interns, be crossdressers, have hidden drug
addictions like Rush Limbaugh, etc. etc. By WEIRD COINCIDENCE, NO ONE
WILL BE LEFT but Dennis Kucinich. And he will be President!

For two days. Because the Military-Industrial Complex et al is NOT
going to sit still for it. OOPS, some crazy guy blew up that whole
section of the city where Dennis and his vice president and all his
family and main staff were, DAMN, and look, that other guy died of a
HEART ATTACK, what a shame, and that other gal had a CAR WRECK on a
LONELY HIGHWAY, can you believe it, so HECK, I GUESS IT'S GEORGE BUSH
AGAIN ANYWAY!

Hey, did I mention my funny bumper sticker idea?

"DON'T BLAME ME, I VOTED FOR NADER."

Kind of a head-scratcher. A twice-thinker, one would hope. As in,
"Wha... but... you ARE to blame!!"

And to think, that was the year I decided my vote didn't count, so why
not waste it on an insane third part dark horse. Well, nu-monet is
probably right, my vote probably IS only proof that I'm just another
SUCKER. I'm almost ashamed of myself about this, but I've found myself
once again backed into the "lesser of two evils" corner. EEEEUGGGH.

Well, as I keep telling the devival audiences, if you're sincerely
worried about being thrown in a concentration camp in America, you got
three choices: Flee America, Kill Them, or Run for Office.

Hmmm. I have acquaintances who have already been thrown into
concentration camps in America and are doing forced slave labor. They
sold unapproved medicines and didn't pay their taxes.

But that's all science fiction. Speaking of sf I just finished a fairly
exciting 1990 novel by Greg Bear called EON, in which far-future
descendants of the survivors of a terrible nuclear war on Earth worship
Ralph Nader. They are called Naderites and refer to him as "The Good
Man" who was martyred in the nuclear war, but tried to prevent it. They
travel back in time and confront the Earth people of OUR time just
before the nuclear war is about to happen. Upon hearing about the
Naderites of the future, one character asks, "Has anyone told Ralph
about this yet?"

I'm just kidding about all this, I'm not really worried about the
direction America took or anything. Just part of the satire, officer.
We'll be moving along now.

Live to fight another day. But...

"DON'T SLEEP!"
(-- Ghoulardi)

--
4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected (Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
PRABOB

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "iDRMRSR" <idrmrsr@subgenius.com>

Ya know, he's one of the few guys where he'll be defeated by HIS CLOSEUP in
the TV ad!

Not only is he insane, but...he's ugly as hell. I think he might be a
Romulan spy with those ears. I used to ride the Rapid here back in the 70's
while he was a mere Vulcan puppie, and once in a while he'd get on downtown.
Up close and personal, he don't look any better.

Well, if they ever make another Dune, they could cast him as Shadout Mapes.
He'd make a good Gollum, too, if there was anything left of Tolkien to film.
But then they'd not win an Oscar for makeup.

What I'm trying to say here, Stang, is, shit HE DIDN"T CALL ME. OK but for
being diametrically opposed to this freak, I'm jealous.

Except I agree with him on one thing, kill NAFTA and the WTO immediately.
Dammit, there, you see, I've succumbed to liberal propaganda.

Maybe his campaign is working.

[*]
-----

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From: Joe Cosby <joecosby@SPAMBLOCKmindspring.com>

Don't be too jealous, he probably got Stang's phone number off Jesus's
hard drive.

--
Joe Cosby
http://joecosby.home.mindspring.com

You meet the most interesting people online. And by "interesting" I mean, of
course, "raving psychotic."

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "nu-monet v6.0" <nothing@succeeds.com>

Rev. Ivan Stang wrote:
> ...He just might get my vote if Princess Wei can
> drag me out to the fucking god damned booths.
> (SHE's so "active" that she's a volunteer for the
> "GLTB" people, standing outside the polling place
> gathering support for QUEER MARRIAGES!)

Why don't you compromise? After (ich!) voting
(rinses mouth), why don't you MARRY other voters
to GLTB people?

That is, put on your clerical collar, like you
should, and as people walk in to and out of that
--den of iniquity--to vote, LOUDLY declare that
they are now MARRIED to an OBVIOUS GLTB!

"You, sir? Congratulations! I've just married
you to this PERSON over here!"

You can just bet your bottom dollar that they
would really appreciate that.

If you wish to be more moderate, and not OFFEND
as much, you could marry GLTBs to each other IN
FRONT OF THE NORMALS, JUST LIKE YOU COULD LEGALLY
DO IT! Maybe some of them will rush over and try
to MAKE YOU STOP!

(I had an ice cream at GLTB once, I don't see
what the big deal is.)

--
"I can imagine a LOT when it comes
to unimaginable power."
-- nu-monet

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Ozcrshytemugs" <bbbbbbxis1@yahoo.com>

"Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com> wrote:
> He said he wanted me to vote for him because he was the best man for
> the job! He said he would be The Worker's President and would make free
> health care and raise the minimum wage to a living wage. He was very
> polite in the message he left but sounded like HE MEANT IT!

But does he give head...?

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: drdark@37.com (DoktorDark)

He is also the only candidate to be rated A+ by the pothead coalition.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

DoktorDark <drdark@37.com> wrote:
> He is also the only candidate to be rated A+ by the pothead coalition.

What a coincidence!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Ozcrshytemugs" <bbbbbbxis1@yahoo.com>

"Ozcrshytemugs" <bbbbbbxis1@yahoo.com> wrote:
> "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com> wrote:
> > He said he wanted me to vote for him because he was the best man for
> > the job! He said he would be The Worker's President and would make free
> > health care and raise the minimum wage to a living wage. He was very
> > polite in the message he left but sounded like HE MEANT IT!
>
> But does he give head...?

Warning! Warning!
Danger Will Robinson!

+ Chinese take out egg-foo-yong
Kim Il Sung MSG zone ahead +

I was under the influence of grey alien wok cookery
when in my original post it should have read
"does he take/accept head".
(AkA: Bill, John, Monica, Kerry etc...) most politicians
usually do I guess. - something 2 do along the lines of
as you allegedly move up the corporate ladder your office
fills up with combustible materials like stick-on verneer
particleboard furniture, incandescent lamps, curtains and
things. (*.*)

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: mshotz@aol.commonkeypo (Rev. Richard Skull)

>Don't be too jealous, he probably got Stang's phone number off Jesus's
>hard drive.

NO, he got it off the stall of one of teh rest stops on the Ohio Turnpike. The
one near Toledo I think.

MSHOTZ: The Post Post Modern Man

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: ridetheory@yahoo.com (ignatz topolino)

"Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com> wrote:
> I think Kucinich is INSANE in much the same way that H. Ross Perot was
> insane, though obviously with a different political bent.

"NOT INSANE!"

> Hey, did I mention my funny bumper sticker idea?
>
> "DON'T BLAME ME, I VOTED FOR NADER."

Living in Portlantis, I can just imagine the self-rightous hippies
around here agreeing with the sentiment. I've actually heard that
sentiment expressed. Yeesh.

I've been thinking of making some "I'M STUPID, AND I VOTE" bumper
stickers on CafePress. "Paid for by the Committee to Counteract My
Dumbass Vote."

> I'm almost ashamed of myself about this, but I've found myself
> once again backed into the "lesser of two evils" corner. EEEEUGGGH.

Even worse, I find myself wanting to vote a straight "Naked
Self-Interest" ticket. Life is better for me under the Dems,
therefore I will vote for them. This is exactly what is WRONG about
politics, but maybe part of growing up is just hitchin' up your pants
and yanking that big lever on the voting machine ONLY because when
your guy wins, YOUR PAYCHECK IS BIGGER, and so FUCK EVERYONE ELSE! I
don't care for that part of being a grown-up, but I can't take four
more years of this particular evil.

"Never vote FOR, vote AGAINST!" -- W.C. Fields

iggy topo

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Joe Cosby <joecosby@SPAMBLOCKmindspring.com>

ALSO SPRACH ignatz topolino:
>maybe part of growing up is just hitchin' up your pants
>and yanking that big lever

I agreed completely up to this point.

--
Joe Cosby
http://joecosby.home.mindspring.com


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