On Your Mark, Pt. 3

From: Cardinal Vertigo <jhobbs@myrealbox.com>
Date: Wed, Apr 21, 2004

Chip Salzenberg wrote:
> According to Cardinal Vertigo <jhobbs@myrealbox.com>:
>
>>Those of you who've been following my alt.politics.* trolls already know
>>that Americans are now dying in Iraq at roughly the same rate they were
>>in Vietnam.
>
>
> link link

http://www.miami.com/mld/miamiherald/news/special_packages/iraq/8462663.htm?1c
http://www.mercurynews.com/mld/mercurynews/8462663.htm?1c
http://www.news-leader.com/_monday/0419-Deathrates-66261.html

or the Monday edition of a Knight Ridder paper near you.

--
"A cry in the dark
Disappears into the void
PLONK"
-- Joe Cosby

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Artemia Salina <y2k@sheayright.com>

nikolai kingsley wrote:
> is there a military term for "someone who runs out onto the battlefield to
> draw enemy fire, enabling Our Guys to pinpoint enemy emplacements"?

In the Church, they're called "Bobbies".

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Cardinal Vertigo <jhobbs@myrealbox.com>

nikolai kingsley wrote:
[snip]
> is there a military term for "someone who runs out onto the battlefield to
> draw enemy fire, enabling Our Guys to pinpoint enemy emplacements"?
[snip]

Remember the end of "Glory?" Or the gag about "Operation Human Shield"
in the South Park movie?

--
"A cry in the dark
Disappears into the void
PLONK"
-- Joe Cosby

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Dunter Powries" <fech.redcaps@spedlin>

nikolai kingsley <nikolai@broadway.net.au> wrote in message
news:c64sk3$81b9e$1@ID-193832.news.uni-berlin.de...
> is there a military term for "someone who runs out onto the battlefield to
> draw enemy fire, enabling Our Guys to pinpoint enemy emplacements"?

'Contractor.'

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: mshotz@aol.commonkeypo (Rev. Richard Skull)

>is there a military term for "someone who runs out onto the battlefield to
>draw enemy fire, enabling Our Guys to pinpoint enemy emplacements"? they can
>do that, too.

Yes, Newbie!

Also Second Leutenants.

MSHOTZ: The Post Post Modern Man

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: mshotz@aol.commonkeypo (Rev. Richard Skull)

>19D
>
>I used to do that for a living.

I bet you can even give the Cavalary Cheer!
I was in the 2nd ACR for 2 years waaaaay back when.

MSHOTZ: The Post Post Modern Man

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Joe Cosby <joecosby@SPAMBLOCKmindspring.com>

I still do "Fiddler's Green" sometimes when I'm reeelly reeelly drunk.

http://ingeb.org/songs/halfwayd.html

God actually I had this horrible dream last night that I had, for
whatever stupid the fuck reason, joined back in the Army. I have
those every once in a while. I had joined up and it seemed like a
good idea at the time but now I realized I CAN'T QUIT. I am stuck
with this crap for another THREE YEARS.

I am in formation with what seems to be several hundred guys,
squadron/battallion PT I guess, and we are doing these calasthenic
stretching exercises to a cadence. 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 . And I am all like
AHHHHHHHHHH LET ME OUT OF HERE.

I am trying to work out how I can tell the first sergeant that I QUIT,
that it was a BIG MISTAKE, I've CHANGED MY MIND.

Actually I almost never have nightmares, even when I have scary dreams
I usually enjoy them, but that one always leaves me depressed. I get
that one a couple times a fucking year.

--
Joe Cosby
http://joecosby.com/
Ronald McDonald is the evil demon inside Pippi Longstocking
- Subgenius Spice

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: polar bear <bear@pole.com>

Consider yourself lucky. I have nightmares about Vietnam, and I wasn't
even there!

pb

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Artemia Salina <y2k@sheayright.com>

Tell me about it. I often have nightmares about becoming involved in
border skirmishes between Togo Land and Pango Pango. Sometimes I'm on
the Togolese side and other times I'm on the Pango Pango's side.
Whichever, I'm always dressed in traditional Togo or Pango Pango
warrior garb. We're waiting, knee deep in muck, for the command to
attack. When we hear it we jump up and start charging, but invariably
I trip over my dangling codpiece and fall on my face. All of the
warriors on both sides stop and start laughing at me, and then I
wake up.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Joe Cosby <joecosby@SPAMBLOCKmindspring.com>

Artemia Salina <y2k@sheayright.com> wrote:
>Sometimes I'm on
>the Togolese side and other times I'm on the Pango Pango's side.

I had to do a double take on this. You did "Togolese" correctly but
then gave up on Pango Pango and just used an apostrophe.

So would it be Pango Pangese? Pangese Pangese? Pango Pangoese?

Actually that reminds me of a dream I had once:

http://joecosby.com/media/dreams/dream19981022.htm

--
Joe Cosby
http://joecosby.com/
When life gets too stupid for it's own good; get stupider.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Artemia Salina <y2k@sheayright.com>

Joe Cosby wrote:
> Artemia Salina <y2k@sheayright.com> wrote:
>>Sometimes I'm on
>>the Togolese side and other times I'm on the Pango Pango's side.
>
> I had to do a double take on this. You did "Togolese" correctly but
> then gave up on Pango Pango and just used an apostrophe.
>
> So would it be Pango Pangese? Pangese Pangese? Pango Pangoese?

It is this very debate which forms the crux of hostilities between
these two great nations. Because no one can decide how to properly
refer to the people of Pango Pango, the Togolese reason that the
nation does not exist. At least that's how the story goes in my
dreams.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "nu-monet v6.0" <nothing@succeeds.com>

polar bear wrote:
> Consider yourself lucky. I have nightmares
> about Vietnam, and I wasn't even there!

Some years ago, I knew a Special Forces E-7
Vietnam Vet who had daydreams about Vietnam.
He loved the place.

He saw plenty of combat there, too, as an
infantryman. Re-upped twice before the war
ended.

But he had liked his job, his unit, his friends,
his boss, the place, the people--both rural and
city, and was damned unhappy to leave.

Now long retired, I have heard he's been back
several times and is trying to figure out some
way of moving there. The war was "just a thing"
and it's over, as far as he is concerned, so now
there is even more of Vietnam to enjoy.

America, he used to insist, is "dull." Filled
with dull Protestant white bread and turkey with
mayonnaise people. Sanitized for our protection
like one of those paper toilet seat covers(*).
Boring television and insipid culture. He still
liked American ideals, but he didn't want to live
here. Dull, dull, dull.

(*)sic. He confused the "clean toilet indicator"
bands with seat covers.

--
I don't know what you're talking about.
I've never met you before in my life.
That story sounds like utter bullshit.
I wasn't there and it wasn't me.
I am *not* in denial. Shut up.
--nu-monet

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Joe Cosby <joecosby@SPAMBLOCKmindspring.com>

polar bear <bear@pole.com> wrote:
>Consider yourself lucky. I have nightmares about Vietnam, and I wasn't
>even there!

Well. I do have nightmares where I'm in the military and I get to run
around shooting people.

But I LIKE those ones.

--
Joe Cosby
http://joecosby.com/
> They said on the news last night that you are more likely to be killed
> by your own dog than by a terrorist. That's what I've been saying all along.

The minute I heard that, I took the mutt out back and SHOT him, JUST IN
CASE.

And I VOTE!

- The Reverend Ivan Stang

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Dunter Powries" <fech.redcaps@spedlin>

I have a recurring nightmare that I've been in the Naval Reserves since the
Reagan administration but that the only time I ever get to see the ocean is
when I'm on vacation with my family and then I wake up and realize that I
HAVE been in the Naval Reserves for almost twenty years and that, not only
don't I get to go to sea, I'm not even allowed to fire a sidearm. What's up
with THAT?

Dunty Porteous,
Human Sacrifice, Ret.

--
"For the first time ever, everything is in place for the Battle of
Armageddon and the Second Coming of Christ."
-Ronald W. Reagan

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "nu-monet v6.0" <nothing@succeeds.com>

Dunter Powries wrote:
> ...and then I wake up and realize that I HAVE been
> in the Naval Reserves for almost twenty years and
> that, not only don't I get to go to sea, I'm not
> even allowed to fire a sidearm. What's up with
> THAT?

Actually, you are dreaming this too. When you wake
up, you will find that you are naked, blindfolded,
and gagged, hanging upside down between Huey and Joe
Cosby, while Catholic Reverend Ivan Stang twists
your genitalia for penance.

And the neat part is, it's like the Monty Python
sketch with the guy hammering the mice to the tune
of "The Bells of St. Mary", except it is Rev Stang
twisting your genitalia to get you to sing a
particular note, and the song is "Believing In All
Those Endearing Young Charms."

Which, ironically enough, was the same tune that
Yosemite Sam kept trying to get Bugs Bunny to play
on either a piano OR a xylophone, but he kept
messing it up JUST like Rev Stang keeps doing.

But, then again, if Stang twists Dr Legume's
genitalia, you'll all be blown to bits by the
dynamite wired to his NIPPLES! And evil Bishop
NENSLO wins.

Life is but a dream.

--
"I can imagine a LOT when it comes
to unimaginable power."
-- nu-monet

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Joe Cosby <joecosby@SPAMBLOCKmindspring.com>

>And the neat part is, it's like the Monty Python
>sketch with the guy hammering the mice to the tune
>of "The Bells of St. Mary", except it is Rev Stang
>twisting your genitalia to get you to sing a
>particular note, and the song is "Believing In All
>Those Endearing Young Charms."

Blimey.

I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition ...

--
Joe Cosby
http://joecosby.com/
"The Democrats need to find a guy who can shoot lightning out of his fingertips. I'd vote for that guy."

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: hellpopehuey@subgenius.com (HellPopeHuey)

polar bear <bear@pole.com> wrote:
> Consider yourself lucky. I have nightmares about Vietnam, and I wasn't
> even there!

I have nightmares about Joe Cosby and I've never even seen a PICTURE of him.

--

HellPope Huey
Administrator of rec.boner.hello-kitty

"I am an elitist,
but I have respect for people who don't measure up."
- "The West Wing"

"Well let me ask you this: shut up."
- Chief Wiggum


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