I feel that I should tell you all that I believe that you have made a great
mistake. I never intended for you to found a pseudo-religion based on my
words, and certainly never wanted for you to interpret what I've said in the
manner which you have.
Please, my friends, return to the slack which I meant to be. It was never
supposed to be an organized effort for proselytizing the world. It was
only to be a sort of personal journey for each of you.
I ask that you please begin dismantling the structure that you have built
around the Church of the SubGenius. It was not meant to be that way.
Thanks to all of you.
J. R. "Bob" Dobbs
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: The Truth from "Bob".
From: i.stang@metronet.com (Rev. Ivan Stang)
Well, everybody, you heard the man. I guess we got our work cut out for us.
Oh wait, I forgot. There's the test. We have to kill this guy first. If he
comes back to life, then great, we know it's Dobbs, and we quit this
stupid "church" bizness. And, if he DOESN'T come back to life, well... no
loss.
--
Copyright 1995 by Rev. Ivan Stang / 1st Orthodox Stangian
MegaFisTemple Lodge of People's Covenant Church of the
Wrath of Dobbs Yeti, Resurrected / The SubGenius Foundation,Inc.
PO Box 140306 Dallas TX 75214 / Fax 214-320-1561 / PRABOB
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: The Truth from "Bob".
From: ricky@usenet.nerdc.ufl.edu (Captain Midnight)
Face it "Bob," you've SCREWED UP again. You didn't INTEND for Dobbstown
to become a Shrine to *you*, but it has become such. You are just such
a JACKASS FOOL that you can't foresee the consequences of your actions.
You lead such a TOTALLY IMPERFECT life and now EVERYONE wants to IMITATE you.
Hell, you did SO MUCH more than ELVIS PRESLEY and then
you act DISMAYED at the HERO WORSHIP we do you?
"Bob," if you weren't so DAMN LUCKY, you would never have lived past
age five. We just wish some of that LUCK will rub of on us.
: Please, my friends, return to the slack which I meant to be. It was never
: supposed to be an organized effort for proselytizing the world. It was
: only to be a sort of personal journey for each of you.
Organized? THIS is YOUR IDEA of *organized*? Do you see any CENTRAL
AUTHORITY? I sure don't. We've all schismed on YOUR GRAVE, "Bob."
: I ask that you please begin dismantling the structure that you have built
: around the Church of the SubGenius. It was not meant to be that way.
Well, it's crumbling as we speak. We don't even RANT or BRAG anymore.
This is just a social outlet for us, "Bob." Sorry to disappoint you,
but THE MIGHTY ZANADU has collapsed.
.......................TEAR.ALONG.THE.DOTTED.LINE.......................
Epopt of the Exploding Head of JFK Licensed to blaspheme the Gods!
My skull is bigger on the inside than the outside!
Send $1 to SubGenius Foundation, P.O. Box 140306, Dallas TX 75214
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: The Truth from "Bob".
From: gunther@bga.com (Joe Newman)
Can we still sniff each other's poop?
-Joe Newman
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: The Truth from "Bob".
From: dynasor@infi.net (Dennis McClain-Furmanski)
Someone send an emergency SLAK troop ship to Case Western. Someone seems
clearly ignorant of the fact that "Bob" would NEVER have the smarts to put
together a cohesive message and post it to the net. Anything of that
complexity, he'd do entirely by accident.
Someone needs a life, and the SLAK troops can provide it. For about 15
seconds, before shock sets in.
--
dynasor@infi.net The Doctor is on.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: The Truth from "Bob".
From: cuthulu@unicomp.net (Kevan Smith)
jrdobbs@slack.org (J.R. 'Bob' Dobbs) wrote:
>I ask that you please begin dismantling the structure that you have built
>around the Church of the SubGenius. It was not meant to be that way.
There he goes fuckin' up again.
Damn, can't we EVER get rid of this bastard.
Allright, whoever wants a piece of that shuckin' n' jivin' sales
ninja, I want to know -- I'm first.
And this time, we do it right .....
Radar Labs 23
July 5, 1998
0700
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: The Truth from "Bob".
From: bmyers@ionet.net (TarlaStar)
<channelling for "Connie"> "Excuse me! But you know better than to
address the faithful without your "authority dick", come back home,
pick it up, service me, THEN you can talk with the boys, or disband
the church or whatever....and pick up a quart of honey on your way,
I've got the feathers all ready...
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: The Truth from "Bob".
From: ljduchez@en.com (Lou Duchez)
jrdobbs@slack.org (J.R. 'Bob' Dobbs) wrote:
> I feel that I should tell you all that I believe that you have made a great
> mistake. I never intended for you to found a pseudo-religion based on my
> words, and certainly never wanted for you to interpret what I've said in the
> manner which you have.
Nice try, "Bob"! But it ain't no "pseudo-religion". What, SubGeniusdom
is regarded as a fraud because it values humor more than GUILT? Because
its friends and enemies are identified by behavior rather than stated
beliefs? Because it ADMITS that its followers should seek material
wealth, as opposed to preaching "charity" and then living a life of
greed? Sounds to me like the SubGenius religion is, if anything, more
honest than those other religions.
The real "Bob" recognizes this, whether or not he approves of it. So
ours may not be a pseudo-religion, but YOU, sir, are a false "Bob".
And you made the gravest mistake of all: there's no way that "Bob" is
smart enough to do Usenet. Yes, your average trained circus monkey knows
how to start "tin", but "Bob" is definitely special ed as far as messiahs
go. Next time you want to pretend to be "Bob", why not post your messages
to the wrong groups, quote messages but leave no follow-ups at the bottom,
and wrap lines every 110 characters. Then we might believe.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THEY'RE OUT TO GET YOU!!
Global conspiracy to keep those who are "different" silent. WEIRDMEN
ARISE!! The Future Revealed by startling means. Find out who "They"
are and how to overcome them for big $$$. Intense pamphlet $1.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: The Truth from "Bob".
From: mstraigh@nyx10.cs.du.edu (Michael Straight)
Lou Duchez <ljduchez@en.com> wrote:
>Because it ADMITS that its followers should seek material
>wealth, as opposed to preaching "charity" and then living a life of
>greed? Sounds to me like the SubGenius religion is, if anything, more
>honest than those other religions.
I am bored by a "religion" that lowers its standards because its adherents
are more afraid of being hypocritical than they care about pursuing what
is good. Are you really bragging about setting goals so modest that you
have no trouble achieving them?
Michael Straight would rather risk being a hypocrite.
FLEOEVDETYHOEUPROEONREWMEILECSOFMOERSGTIRVAENRGEEARDSTVHIESBIITBTLHEEPSRIACYK
Ethical Mirth Gas/"I'm chaste alright."/The Magical Shirt/"Hath grace limits?"
"Halt this grimace!"/Chili Hamster Tag/The Gilt Charisma/"I gather this calm."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: The Truth from "Bob".
From: ljduchez@en.com (Lou Duchez)
mstraigh@nyx10.cs.du.edu (Michael Straight) wrote:
> I am bored by a "religion" that lowers its standards because its adherents
> are more afraid of being hypocritical than they care about pursuing what
> is good.
Well, then, there are any number of world religions you might try! Sure,
they all talk about "goodness" and "love" -- and indeed, maybe 1% of their
followers are transformed for the better for their efforts. The rest
of the pack consists of:
- People who were all-right sorts even before signing on
- Folks so terrified of an unpleasant afterlife that they, in
Skinnerian fashion, will perform whatever behaviors they
think will save their bacon
- Greedy ruthless bastards who enjoy a jolt of False Morality
So if you don't mind being hypocritical, there are all sorts of faiths
you'd fit right in to.
> Are you really bragging about setting goals so modest that you
> have no trouble achieving them?
Oh, I have personal goals. But this is significant: the Church of
the SubGenius doesn't set those goals for me. It doesn't tell me
what constitutes good and evil either; that's for me to discern.
Compare this to other faiths that try to define what good is and
what evil is and whether Pam Anderson is a sinner for getting breast
implants and if placentas have souls and is Barney Rubble a sinner
for trying to steal Fred's Cocoa Pebbles and what sex acts send
you to hell.
> Michael Straight would rather risk being a hypocrite.
Your choice! If you want, you can go off and join one of those
Jesus cults. I'm sure you'll enjoy the hand-shakin' part of the show
for an hour a week, then you get to go off and screw thy neighbor for
another 167 hours.
Myself, I have moral principles and am still a SubGenius.
See how easy it is?
Finally, I will point out that any religion that doesn't teach
about Slack is destined to failure. Catholics may try to guilt
ya, some Fundies will try to scare ya, and others will give you
that warm fuzzy for giving Jesus that long-term lease to your
soul. Can you spot which tactics involve positive reinforcement
and which others are based solely on avoidance of negative stimuli?
But Slack is ... liberating. There simply isn't the incentive to
screw innocent people over when you've got even the barest whiff
of Slack. Speaking in terms of morality, one is inclined to do
good not out of fear or guilt or the hallucination of a cosmic
hippie smiling, but simply because there's no reason not to.
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