Golfers fur "Bob"

From: cuthulu@unicomp.net (Kevan Smith)
Date: Thu, 30 Mar 1995 12:30:38 -0600 (CST)

My Bag:

1. Driver of Insanity
2. Three Wood of Destiny
3. Five Wood o' the Fightin' Jesus
4. Three Iron of Immobility
5. Four Iron for the Luck Plane
6. Five Iron of Sin
7. Six Iron of Slack
8. The Seven Iron from Planet X
9. Eight Iron of the Outer Minions
10. Nine Iron of Justice
11. Azathoth's Wedgie
12. Putter of Inebriation

As you can see, I got room for TWO more clubs. Any suggestions? (No
low irons, please.)

Does anybody make the following?

Golf Balls with Dobb's heads on 'em.
Golf Towells with the same?

"A golfer and his money are soon parted."

Radar Labs 23
It's a squirtin' universe
8======)~~~

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From: dynasor@infi.net (Dennis McClain-Furmanski)

I suggest the 17 iron of saucer signaling. You'll need a VERY high angle
shot to signal them if you're on the course on X-day. They won't be looking
for any SubG's there.

Also, you might try the Linear Accelerator Putter, for when the Putter of
Inebriation falls short. It's a pool cue. Even if you never use it, it's a
dandy psychological weapon. I know, that kind of weapon should be outlawed
when hunting normals' brains, but hell, ya gotta have some fun with 'em.
Just try it -- carry one around in your bag, and refuse to discuss it with
anyone.

--
dynasor@infi.net The Doctor is on.

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From: wbarwell@Starbase.NeoSoft.COM (William Barwell)

In article <3lsg6t$51v@ns1.unicomp.net>,
Kevan Smith <cuthulu@unicomp.net> wrote:
>MONTYKINS@news.delphi.com (MONTYKINS@DELPHI.COM) wrote:
>>dynasor@infi.net (Dennis McClain-Furmanski) writes:
>
>>One word: Niblick.
>
>>Whatever it is, I feel that EVERYONE should have one. Or more.
>
>> -Monty
>>Niblick Niblick Niblick
>
>Alas, but the niblick is the 8-iron. You can call it a niblick if you
>want to. A Mashie is a 5 iron, while a mashie-niblick is a 7 iron.
>That's right -- where the hell is the 6? Answer -- it was a mystery
>club appearing on the earth just as Arnold Palmer was born. Could it
>have been provided by the Space Gods who profitted from Arnie's many
>wins?

A 6-iron is a G'broagfram.

Pope Charles
SubGenius Pope Of Houston
Slack!

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From: wolfgarsch@aol.com (Wolfgarsch)

As some means of ODD Connection between "Bob" and GOLF, note the
following: among the several fictional computer opponents one plays
against in the tournament version Sega GameGear golf video game, one is
named "R. Dobbs." He also seems to be consistently managing better scores
than many of the others.... A Dobbshead in their programming ranks??

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From: ac118@lafn.org (Matthew Carey)

>Kevan Smith (cuthulu@unicomp.net) wrote:
>
>: As you can see, I got room for TWO more clubs. Any suggestions? (No
>: low irons, please.)

Sandwich Sand Wedge
or
Sand Wedge Sandwich

or my favorite, the putting wood. Groundskeepers hate them.

then you'll also need the Golf Shoes of Evil, with the spikes that go all
around, and the Poison Tipped Death Tees, $3.00 for 150, and the
Chloroform Golf towel and the bazooka bag and the Divit Enforcer and the
Chi Chi Rodriguez Designer Beer Bong and a gun and road flares and some
hefty bags and a suped up golf cart and you're ready to play.

While you're at the pro shop, you might also want to pick up a pair of
Comical Golf Pants with Realistic Stains and the Ball that Won't Stop
Squirting and some Magic Laser Ball Markers. Livens up any foresome!!!

--
Rips on. Rev. Matthew A. Carey Rips off.
Vision Temple -- Tarzana, Calif.
"Words kill." Wilson/North '96 crunt

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From: cuthulu@unicomp.net (Kevan Smith)

spl@pitstop.ucsd.edu (Steve Lamont) wrote:

>>>: As you can see, I got room for TWO more clubs. Any suggestions? (No
>>>: low irons, please.)

>Maybe a mashie or a spoon. Yes, there was a club called a spoon.
>Sort of the predecessor of the sand wedge.
>`Scuse me... I've gotta go wash my balls now.

Once again -- a mashie is a five iron, a spoon is a five wood.
There was once, long ago, an iron called a spoon, and it was indeed
spoon-shaped. It was used for "spooning" balls out of horse-drawn cart
ruts. No golfer would need that today, yet the club lives on --
nowadays it is used in hospitals to grab infants as they squirt out of
the womb and to remove brains from cadavers.

And can anybody -- ANYBODY!? -- tell me where to get DobbsHead(tm)
imprinted golf balls? This should be a good cash cow, as good balls
cost about $15 a dozen, and the imprinted head could be worth another
$10 tacked on.

I could make my own, but then I'd have to get special machinery. Not
to mention permission from Stang.

I broke my leg on the golf course once -- fell off the ball washer.

Radar Labs 23
July 5, 1998
0700

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From: cuthulu@unicomp.net (Kevan Smith)

ac118@lafn.org (Matthew Carey) wrote:

>Sandwich Sand Wedge
>then you'll also need the Golf Shoes of Evil, with the spikes that go all
>around, and the Poison Tipped Death Tees, $3.00 for 150, and the
>Chloroform Golf towel and the bazooka bag and the Divit Enforcer and the
>Chi Chi Rodriguez Designer Beer Bong and a gun and road flares and some
>hefty bags and a suped up golf cart and you're ready to play.
>While you're at the pro shop, you might also want to pick up a pair of
>Comical Golf Pants with Realistic Stains and the Ball that Won't Stop
>Squirting and some Magic Laser Ball Markers. Livens up any foresome!!!

This is the best fucking suggestion yet!!!

Here's my money, woodja SELL me them things, mister?

You need to get your Yeti Rear Here for some GOLF OF THE GODS (tm).
How about a Yeti Golf Tournament, playing for a total purse of 5.2
billion PINK souls? It could be a Busted Balls ScamBull.

"Grip It and Rip It," he said, but looked mighty goddammned funny when
I whipt out my dong and told 'em, "Grip It and Lip It, Judge." And
then I squirted him with those Balls that Won't Stop Squirtin'.
Janor is my groundskeeper -- where didja think he cut off that toe?
Ideal Job -- driving the tractor that picks up balls on the driving
range. "No X-Plodin' balls, please, ma'am."

Radar Labs 23
July 5, 1998
0700

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