In article <19950517084600IDGHTMS@MVS.OAC.UCLA.EDU>, ZOOGZ RIFT
says...
>>In article <3pb9vs$ba4@giga.bga.com>, <gunther@bga.com> writes:
>>
>
>>> My remarks were amiss. There is indeed a Dick stamp. I was just down
>>> at the post office, and I saw it on the counter display. I asked the
>>> friendly disgruntled postal worker if I could buy some, and he told
>>> me that they don't carry them, because nobody wants them. What in the
>>> fuck is wrong with people? Those Dick York stamps are flying out of
>>> there like bottled water in an earthquake, but the Nixon stamps won't
>>> move. People just don't have any fucking taste anymore.
>>
>>Traci Lords bought up all the Nixon stamps.
>>
>We wouldn't lick Bush in '88, and we won't lick Dick now!
>
I just went back to the same goddamn post office and talked to a
different friendly disgruntled postal worker. I asked him if they
had any of the new stamps in the display. He said they had all of
them. I asked "Does this mean you have the Dick Nixon stamps?". He
replied that he did, and he handed me a sheet of them. I went over
to the guy who lied to me yesterday and kneed him in the groin.
Go ahead, Zoogz. Don't lick Dick. See if I care.
-Joe Newman
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: IDGHTMS@MVS.OAC.UCLA.EDU (Zoogz Rift (The Liquid Moamo))
Newsgroups: alt.fan.richard-nixon,alt.fan.zoogz-rift,alt.slack
"Go ahead, DON'T!"??? Isn't that a contradiction?
--Me
from HAMMERSMITH IS OUT:
LIZ TAYLOR: Whatcha cookin', Hammersmith?
RICHARD BURTON: Little baby pigs.
LIZ TAYLOR: Are you gonna put APPLES in their mouths?
RICHARD BURTON: If GOD had INTENDED for them to have APPLES in
their MOUTHS, they would have been BORN with
APPLES in their MOUTHS...
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: gunther@bga.com (Joe Newman)
Newsgroups: alt.fan.richard-nixon,alt.slack
In article <3pe5fp$jk7@news.wco.com>, paulg@wco.com says...
>
>: This is a good question. If I'm not mistaken, you have to be dead
>: for ten years before you can be on a stamp. This would mean that
>: the only way to lick Dick at the post office would be to purchase
>: some of those Dick York stamps.
>
>: -Joe Newman
>
>You must be mistaken - The Nixon stamp is out - I bought a couple of them
>today - but I only use them to pay bills.
Which bills do you pay with Dick stamps? I always used Muddy Waters
stamps to pay utility bills and stamps from the "Brush Salesmen" series
to pay my credit card bills. I would send encoded messages to Citibank
via my stamp selection. This way they could tell when I had a loose
bowel movement or an ear infection.
I'd like to see a discussion of which stamps people use and why. What
with the move to the new 32 cent stamps, I think this will become more
important, and is especially relevant to a Dick Nixon newsgroup.
Thank you for your attention to this matter.
-Joe Newman
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: anarch@cse.ucsc.edu (Anarch)
Newsgroups: alt.fan.richard-nixon,alt.slack
I used Keystone Cops stamps for a long stretch of the unremitting stream
of postal obeisances that The Law seems to delight in extorting from me,
but they quit printing the Silent Film Stars series. Bastards.
>I'd like to see a discussion of which stamps people use and why. What
>with the move to the new 32 cent stamps, I think this will become more
>important, and is especially relevant to a Dick Nixon newsgroup.
Damn right it's important. With the recent changeover, the entire field
of philatelic semiology is in a state of radical flux; NOW is the time,
THIS is the opportunity, for those bold enough to seize it, to REDEFINE
the terms of postal discourse.
At present, I am getting by on standard Gs and a couple of old "Love"s
plus the make-up stamps (allowed me to send Peace + Love with my latest
missive to SRL -- heh) while evaluating the new issues, such as WWII and
Heroes of the Old West. So far, no coherent semantics have emerged. I
have high hopes, however, that a dialectical approach incporporating Black
Heritage, and possibly World Cup as well, will yield positive results.
Nixon will no doubt come to play a crucial role, but its precise nature is,
as yet, far from clear.
anarch@cse.ucsc.edu +-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+ I could be wrong
D I S C L A I M E R : E V E R Y T H I N G I W R I T E I S F A L S E
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: gunther@bga.com (Joe Newman)
Newsgroups: alt.fan.richard-nixon,alt.slack
Subject: Re: Lick Dick
In article <3phcnu$kms@darkstar.UCSC.EDU>, anarch@cse.ucsc.edu says...
>I used Keystone Cops stamps for a long stretch of the unremitting stream
>of postal obeisances that The Law seems to delight in extorting from me,
>but they quit printing the Silent Film Stars series. Bastards.
I'm envisioning a four-stamp Ritz Brothers set. One each for Harry, Jimmy,
and Al (Harry's would be cross-eyed of course), and the fourth would be
Harry and Jimmy doing that "sandwich" gag from "Blazing Stewardesses",
with the ghost of Al smiling down.
>
>Damn right it's important. With the recent changeover, the entire field
>of philatelic semiology is in a state of radical flux; NOW is the time,
>THIS is the opportunity, for those bold enough to seize it, to REDEFINE
>the terms of postal discourse.
Saliva is passe' as a means of adhesion. New fluids are required.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: IDGHTMS@MVS.OAC.UCLA.EDU (Zoogz Rift (The Liquid Moamo))
Newsgroups: alt.fan.richard-nixon,alt.slack
Subject: Re: Lick Dick
I'd like to see a Yvonne DeCarlo stamp.
--Zoogz
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: bmyers@ionet.net (TarlaStar)
Please don't get me started on Yvonee DeCarlo. I could be rich and
famous right now if it weren't for HER. You all could be jacking off
to glossy photos of ME if Yvonne hadn't stepped and fucked up my
ENTIRE GODDAMNED LIFE!! Really...it was the Mafia's fault, but she was
there to pick up the pieces...
I'd like to see a '50's jewish comedian series: Shelley Berman, Shecky
Greene, Mort Sahl, Lenny Bruce, Bob Newhart, Buddy Hacket...
And Joe? I'd use another fluid, except the last time I dropped trou in
the Post office, they made me dance on one of the tables for a good
half hour, and I only made $20 in tips. It's just not worth the
trouble.
--
Reverend Mutha Tarla, Little Sisters of the Perpetually Juicy,
A Proud Jism Schism of the Church of the SubGenius, Worshipping
"Connie" Dobbs and Juicy Retardo since 1986
http://www.ionet.net/~bmyers/homepage.html
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: gunther@bga.com (Joe Newman)
In article <3pkf74$m57@ionews.ionet.net>, bmyers@ionet.net says...
>
>
>I'd like to see a '50's jewish comedian series: Shelley Berman, Shecky
>Greene, Mort Sahl, Lenny Bruce, Bob Newhart, Buddy Hacket...
This would coincide nicely with the Ritz Brothers set. I'm pleased
that you've excluded Jerry Lewis. That little ratshit never gave
Dean the respect he deserved. I didn't know Bob Newhart is Jewish.
>
>And Joe? I'd use another fluid, except the last time I dropped trou in
>the Post office, they made me dance on one of the tables for a good
>half hour, and I only made $20 in tips. It's just not worth the
>trouble.
You need to get out of Oklahoma. Those people have bad taste, and
they're cheap.
-Joe Newman
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: paulg@wco.com (paulg)
Newsgroups: alt.fan.richard-nixon,alt.slack
Subject: Re: Lick Dick
I agree, the stamp situation has been been pretty weak ever since the
price went up to 32 cents - I've been paying my electric bills with the
Elvis stamp but of course they never got to the "electric headquarters"
with insufficient postage and the lights have been pretty dim around here
ever since. In a few months the Marilyn Monroe stamp will be out and I'm
sure I'll feel like a Kennedy when I lick that one.
- Paul
-------------
paulg@wco.com
http://wco.com/~paulg/
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: gunther@bga.com (Joe Newman)
Newsgroups: alt.fan.richard-nixon,alt.slack
In article <3phcnu$kms@darkstar.UCSC.EDU>, anarch@cse.ucsc.edu says...
>At present, I am getting by on standard Gs and a couple of old "Love"s
>plus the make-up stamps (allowed me to send Peace + Love with my latest
>missive to SRL -- heh) while evaluating the new issues, such as WWII and
>Heroes of the Old West. So far, no coherent semantics have emerged. I
>have high hopes, however, that a dialectical approach incporporating Black
>Heritage, and possibly World Cup as well, will yield positive results.
>Nixon will no doubt come to play a crucial role, but its precise nature is,
>as yet, far from clear.
Point well taken. I suspect the Nixon stamps will be common on
Publisher's Clearinghouse submissions, and on refund requests
from those Hickory Farms gift assortments, particularly those
that emphasize sausage.
-Joe Newman
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: gunther@bga.com (Joe Newman)
Newsgroups: alt.fan.richard-nixon,alt.slack
Subject: Re: Lick Dick
In article <3pmi2l$g8u@news.wco.com>, paulg@wco.com says...
>
>I agree, the stamp situation has been been pretty weak ever since the
>price went up to 32 cents - I've been paying my electric bills with the
>Elvis stamp but of course they never got to the "electric headquarters"
>with insufficient postage and the lights have been pretty dim around here
>ever since.
I paid my phone bill with a Billie Holliday stamp, and now I
can't dial any phone numbers with a '4' in them.
> In a few months the Marilyn Monroe stamp will be out and I'm
>sure I'll feel like a Kennedy when I lick that one.
You should try giving the Marilyn Monroe stamp an overdose of
sleeping pills. Maybe then you'll be Attorney General.
-Joe Newman
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: i.stang@metronet.com (Rev. Ivan Stang)
Newsgroups: alt.fan.richard-nixon,alt.slack
When the "Bob" stamp comes in, you'll use it for everything. A postcard to
next door, one "Bob" stamp. A 700-pound crate of bricks to China, one
"Bob" stamp. All the Ceylonese back to Ceylon, one "Bob" stamp. ALL THE
PINKS TO KINGDOM COME, ONE "BOB" STAMP.
Oops, I forgot. They won't allow a "Bob" stamp because he smokes a pipe.
They'd have to airbrush it out. And then the stamp wouldn't move a
postcard across the street.
All this talk about Richard Nixon makes me nervous. You shouldn't be
disrespectful towards Presidents even if they were chronically
incontinent.
Rev. Ivan Stang
--
Copyright 1995 by Rev. Ivan Stang / 1st Orthodox Stangian
MegaFisTemple Lodge of People's Covenant Church of the
Wrath of Dobbs Yeti, Resurrected / The SubGenius Foundation,Inc.
PO Box 140306 Dallas TX 75214 / Fax 214-320-1561 / PRABOB
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: saint@prairienet.org (Andrew Matthews)
In a previous article, cuthulu@unicomp.net (cuthulu) says:
>Well, we all know about Stang's FBI folder, but what about his Secret
>Service Dossier.
>On page 41 of The Book, "Bob" is shooting an automatic pistol at a
>many-tentacled Conspircay. One of the tentacles is labelled "Reagan
>or Any President."
>What happened after that, Stang?
Well, considering that nothing in "The Book", as you call it,
is actually TRUE, we should take that picture for exactly what it is:
a pretty picture to look at while taking a long spell on the Throne
Of Relief. (How do you spell relief, kids? E-X-C-R-E-M-E-D-I-T-A-T-I-O-N)
So, all this time, Stang and the rest of the honchos behind this
whole farce have been laughing at us while going out for $2,000 a plate
lunches with this nation's figure-heads...
Stang: Boy, Bill, we sure had them fooled, didn't we?
Bill: Yeah, the plan worked, people sure do disrespect me,
thus making us THE MOST HATED aspect of the conspiracy
so our more important arms can continue to work in secret.
The only problem I see is that people keep on trying to
assassinate me.
Stang: Just hold out 'til X-Day. You're playing the key role of
the wooden duck. Then MWOWM will take over, and we'll
be able to swindle "Bob" out of the title for the Earth
AFTER he makes the deal with the X-ists... That way,
the Conspiracy will still retain control of the Earth,
without even a single head launched. Beautiful. I can't
believe those Yeti were too stupid to realise that I'm
not one of them... SUB-genius indeed!
Bill: Hey, can you pass the prawn?
Stang: Sure... Nice spread, Bill...
- From an Ogyr Network / Babble On Enterprise
Blackmail-o-matic source tape. not for sale.
st. andrew, ksc
--
$aint @ndrew, KSC. Campus Chaplain of Miskatonic University. Ogyr Network.
contact: snail-mail = PO BOX 53, PLAINFIELD, IL. 60544
email: saint@firefly.prairienet.org or saint_andrew@anl.gov
www: http://www.paranoia.com/coe/resources/saint.html
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: bdb@shadow.net (Doktor BoogieDown)
saint@prairienet.org (Andrew Matthews) wrote:
> Is this the "Kinder, Gentler Ivan Stang" we've been waiting for?
> Rather like the Nenso-barbie doll? (Pull a string and it insults
> everyone in a 500 foot radius or line-of-sight...)
Gentler, Kinder? GOOD "BOB" NO!!! Something is amiss, the bobyons must
have begun their ascendance into counter-spin, the luck plane WON'T even
SLANT in ANY direction anymore. Start packing your bags, this is a sign
that the Xists are in transit. Deception is pervasive and persistent,
DON'T TRUST ANYTHING YOU READ, SEE, HEAR, or TASTE! It's all bland PINK
NOISE!
AiiiIEieIEieEIeie!
BoogieDown
-----
GCS d-- H s++: !g p? au+ a- w++ v+ C++++$ U/B/L/A/V/H/S/C+$ P+ L 3 E-
N++ K-- W++(95) !M(+) V -po+ Y++ t+++ 5 j R+ G' tv(--) b++ D++ B---
e+ u* @h- f r++ n+ y++
bdb@shadow.net - Brian.D.Bisson@Miami.FL.USA.Earth.Sol.mway
Doktor, Church of the SubGenius - #include <ordainshipscription.h>
Excrimeditated Congregation of the Overinflated Head of L. Ron Hubbard
HTTP://www.shadow.net./~bdb for a dose of SubMediaBlasphemeWorship
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: firehead@panix.com (Elayne Wechsler-Chaput)
Newsgroups: alt.fan.richard-nixon,alt.slack
Subject: Re: Lick Dick
Rev. Ivan Stang (i.stang@metronet.com) wrote:
: All this talk about Richard Nixon makes me nervous. You shouldn't be
: disrespectful towards Presidents even if they were chronically
: incontinent.
And you know why, don't you? As the Firesign taught us, it's "because
HE... will appear."
- Elayne
--
"I am de Head of de Fireheads. I am de Head Firehead. I am de #~~
Firehead Head..." (E-Mail me for more information about the )#(
official Firesign Theatre newsletter, Four-Alarm FIRESIGNal!) ( # )
^^^
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: i.stang@metronet.com (Rev. Ivan Stang)
In article <3puet6$smt@vixen.cso.uiuc.edu>, saint@prairienet.org (Andrew
Matthews) wrote:
> >All this talk about Richard Nixon makes me nervous. You shouldn't be
> >disrespectful towards Presidents even if they were chronically
> >incontinent.
>
> Sorry, Stang, but just a little question...
> Since when did you become so concerned with being "respectful"?
>
>
> Is this the "Kinder, Gentler Ivan Stang" we've been waiting for?
> Rather like the Nenso-barbie doll? (Pull a string and it insults
> everyone in a 500 foot radius or line-of-sight...)
>
> st. andrew, ksc.
St. andrew, you DUMB KID, I guess you hadn't noticed that all that Lick
Dick stuff was a CROSSPOST MINDFUCk on alt.fan.richard.nixon. How the hell
do you expect the Nixon fans to believe (and leter ponder upon) my MEAN
LIE about Nixon having chronic incontinence if they thought I was being
some kind of a FUNNY SUBGENIUS?? Cripes man, the idea is that the
alt.fan.nixon people start thinking their next door neighbors and fellow
Nixon fans are CRAZIER THAN BEDBUGS but SINCERE. That "respectfulness"
business was to add CLOYING SINCERITY to what was otherwise ... oh I give
up. Kids.
--
Copyright 1995 by Rev. Ivan Stang / 1st Orthodox Stangian
MegaFisTemple Lodge of People's Covenant Church of the
Wrath of Dobbs Yeti, Resurrected / The SubGenius Foundation,Inc.
PO Box 140306 Dallas TX 75214 / Fax 214-320-1561 / PRABOB
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: saint@prairienet.org (Andrew Matthews)
Stang, you OLD POOP, I guess you didn't realise that I would have
figured this all out and replied as INSINCERELY as I could! I *figured
out* your plan, and had been There (located in beautiful Illinois - yes,
we have postcards! We've been There!) and back again.
Which is why I confined my reply to alt.slack!
Didn't want to blow your cover, but wanted to make a statement
that you could possibly pick up on as being quirkier than a three-headed
nickel. Just for kicks.
Oh, feh. I tell you, with age, the sense of humor is the first
to go...
st. andrew, ksc
DISCLAIMER: THE ABOVE IS SATIRE
READ WITH EXTREME CAUTION.
"..and let's not forget about slugs..." - Pope Phred
Original file name: JoeNewman Licks Dick
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