The following is an excerpt from the upcoming book
"BOB"'S FAVORITE MOVIES - The SubGenius in the Cynema:
CE3K: A VISION OF X-DAY
In the recent literary classic REVELATION X, Rev. Ivan Stang writes:
"Steven Speilberg should be tried, convicted and executed for CLOSE
ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND, which gave millions the ridiculous idea
that superior beings will want to "HELP" us."
I find it hard to believe that a hogh-ranking Churchman like Stang could
so erroniously wiffread a film like this one. Perhaps he was lying - in
which case his "mistake" can be forgiven.
Just who are these "millions" that have been so mislead? Why, the
PINK of cource! Any SubGenius (or halfway intelligent Pink, for that matter)
who was paying attention during the terrifying abduction scene should never
have mistaken those visitors as benign entities. There is no evidence
whatsoever in the film as to the intent of the extraterrestrials' activities
(Heck, even little ET was portrayed as nothing better or worse than a lost
infant. Who knows what punishment was doled out to him from his stern parents
after he was caught hanging out with Hollywood trash like Drew Barrymore).
However, Conspiracy film critics worldwidewere quick to hype the film as a
gloriously positive fable. Perhaps it is. But not for THEM.
Let us examine the plot from the SubGenius viewpoint. The picture
opens with the discovery of some long lost planes in the Sonora Desert. The
aliens capture a squad of aircraft, kidnap the pilots (and do Jhva knows WHAT
to them), and drop them inthe middle of nowhere decades later - like kids who
leave their toys all over the lawn, once they get bored with them. Nothing at
all benign so far. I'd say they were downright rude.
After a short scene where joyriding outer space teenage jazzbabies
buzz through the sky terrorizing commercial air traffic, we're introduced to
our main character: Roy Neary, obviously representative of the unSaved
SubGenius. His SubG identity flashes like a neon sign in this first scene,
in which he argues with his Pink wife and halfbreed children, who show their
colors by trying to steer himonto the path of false Slack (here obviously
symbolized by "Goofy Golf"(!)). The name "Neary" can be taken as "nearly" -
Roy is "nearly there" or "almost saved". Time and again we see him nearly
wander from the True Path. The scene ends when Neary is called off into the
night by the duties of his opressive Conspiracy job. Seems the saucer folk are
playing hob with the power grid again.
In true SubG fashion, Roy is soon completely neglecting his duties.
He has an Encounter with a huge saucer, which tries to literally shake some
sense into him, and then blasts him with the light of Truth, burning his skin.
This marking reveals Roy's half-Pink nature to everyone who sees him,
including himself. It's not long before he's quitting his job (okay, so
technically he was fired, but close enough) and Slacking off big time by
building a mountain in his rec room, alienating every Pink around him and
sending his Normal suburban family unit fleeing in terror. He can't help
himself - it's just his way.
Soon after, Jillian Guiler is terrorized by a marauding gang of
Things from Beyond, and her young son is kidnapped, yanked through an angrily f
lapping doggy door. (Curiously, Jillian has no dog. What happened to it? And
what became of little Barry's father? Was he too abducted? Or killed? Later
in the film, a dog emerges from the mothership, but it is not identified.
Just what the devil is going on here?)
The Con Authorities are quick to skillfully cover up the saucer flap,
branding the contactees as eccentrics and explaining away everything with
"gentle humor" and "good cheer". Meanwhile, we keep cutting back to the
activities of a mysterious group of people that are investigating the various
unexplained events. The saucers keep flying around the globe, dropping off
trash, playing anti-music and showing off their secret handshakes. Responding
to a radio message (The Hour of Slack), the disguise themselves in Conspiracy
symbolism (military gear, Budweiser, Piggly Wiggly) and head for the
designated rendevouz point.
Soon Roy has completed his bizarre art project, which looks
suspiciously like the bowl of "Bob"'s pipe. With devilish trickery, Speilberg
pulls off the most suspensefull scene in the picture - will Roy turn in time
to see the Devil's Tower on the TV screen? Once again, Roy is on the verge of
returning to the Normal world, when he receives his message of salvation. He
is illuminated by an image on television, much like "Bob" himself.
SIDEBAR: What is it with the Pink and their relationship with
television? Don't you just hate them? I don't know how many times I've heard
a Pink whining, "Television is just junk! Oh, why can't it be better? Why
aren't there more GOOD shows on TV?" Why, so you can watch even MORE?! The
Subgenius is satisfied to watch just the right individual amount of TV that
they need (VideoSlack), whether that amount be 24 hours a day or never. He
doesn't sit there like a damn PINK and suffer through a program he doesn't
want to see, and then WHINE about it! TV is my friend. Leave it be, Pink Boy -
or KILL ME!
On the weight of this televised evidence, Roy and Jillian drive all
the way to Wyoming, where they join up for a Short Duration Marriage
(offscreen). Roy stops to buy the wares of a gasmask SALESMAN ("Don't breathe
the Church Air."). On the way to the tower, they're captured and interrogated
by the Mystery Group. Roy asks, "Just who ARE you people?!" Indeed, who are
they? This group is certainly not the agency of any one government, although
they seem to have infiltrated enough to influence the affairs of several.
Although the Lacombe character is introduced to Roy as "the highest
authority", in the very next scene he has to defer to another man - a man with
a pipe.
Roy and Jillian escape, make their way to the other side of the
Devil's Tower (or "bowl"), and find an encampment/ampitheater set up along
a runway (or "stem"). As night falls, there is a terrific show of expensive
special effects and lights and music (a Gut Blowout), culminating in the
arrival of the Xist mothership (which "lights the pipe'). Roy is taken aside
to give out some personal information and pay for his official Church
membership card. He then joins a select group of the chosen (Saved SubGenii)
and marches aboard the mothership (Pleasure Saucer). A man with a pipe smiles
his approval. A grey appears and gives a big grin - and if you watch
carefully, you can see the splice where Con forces took out the single frame
showing a pipe in his mouth.
Is it mere coinsidence that this film was released just as the
Church was about to go "public"? Isn't it amazing how Pinks (and Bobbies) like
to put down Steven Speilberg and say that his films can't be taken seriously
(except for the intended comedy SCHINDLER'S LIST) even as they line up to buy
what he's selling? To my way of thinking, Speilberg is as great a filmmaker
as Ed Wood, or even Larry Buchanan - while at the same time, he's a MUCH
better salesman.
If it was any plainer, it never would've been released. Maybe
someday it'll be safe for Speilberg to make a sequel. The opening scene
shows the mothership orbitting gracefully around the Earth. Roy stands at a
viewscreen, looking down at the beautiful planet, as a Grey brings him a beer
and winks at him. Another figure approaches - it's "Bob". He and Roy shake
hands, smiling, and sit back to watch the fun.
We cut to three solid hours of footage showing Yacatizma, Deros,
Nazi Hell Creatures, and various other Things swarm out of whatever hell
they call home and - well, see Chapter 10 of Revelation X. Occasionally, we'll
cut back to scenes of paid up Reverends (we'll all play ourselves) enjoying
themselves on the Pleasure Saucers while watching the "fun" on bigscreen TV.
Hmmmm... maybe SCHINDLER'S LIST really IS a heavily disguised sequel...
Rev. RockLobster bthomas@interaccess.com BOBoBoBoBoBoBOBoBoBoBoBoBOBoBoBoBoBoBOBoBfNoRdBoBOBoBoBoBoBoBOBoBoBoBoBoBOB
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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From: dynasor@infi.net (Dennis McClain-Furmanski)
On Mon. Apr 17, 1995, bthomas@interaccess.com told All:
bc> Soon after, Jillian Guiler is terrorized by a marauding gang of
> Things from Beyond, and her young son is kidnapped, yanked through an
> angrily f lapping doggy door. (Curiously, Jillian has no dog. What
> happened to it? And what became of little Barry's father? Was he too
> abducted? Or killed? Later in the film, a dog emerges from the
> mothership, but it is not identified. Just what the devil is going on
> here?)
Yet another of Speilberg's screw-ups. No semi-cognitive resident of the
Indiana countryside would have a doggy door, because it would be a racoon
door also.
His MAJOR screw up of the picture was when Neary decided to play sandbox
in the dining room. He ripped out his bushes and THREW ONE THROUGH THE
WINDOW.
Later, after the wife and kiddies deserted him, he crawled through the
window and closed is, now miraculously UNBROKEN. This was the reason for
the Special Edition. Compare the two versions.
SS does pretty pictures, but he screws up story telling something awful.
* 2qwk! 1.26b3 * How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
--
dynasor@infi.net The Doctor is on.
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From: MONTYKINS@news.delphi.com (MONTYKINS@DELPHI.COM)
After a bunch of us moved to Wyoming, I noticed that this is where
Devil's Tower is.
This means something! This is important!
These words are written on almost every surface in the living room. Never
make dramatic revelations to stoned people.
-Monty
--
Irrelevant? HELL YES it's irrelevant! Got a PROBLEM with that?
Original file name: X-DAY - The Motion Picture
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