April 2 B.X.
by Rev. Dr. Onan Canobite, 'The SubGenius Answer Man'


[Faithful readers will recall in the Second Book of Onan a complete listing of
my contributions to 'Revelation X.' As I have stated many times in the public
record, Rx contained as many lessons in the Forbidden Sciences as we, the
Doctors of the Church of the SubGenius, were confident could be published at
the time.

[But X-Day fast aproaches, and as the End Times transmute from prophecy to
history it matters less and less if these dangerous tools fall into the 'wrong
hands.' Any would-be Messiah/Rock Star would do well to study this essay
and live it up while they can: by 1998, unless they've paid their dues to the
Church of the SubGenius, their fame and fortune will be as filthy rags.

[Here then is an important essay that was edited out of Rx: as complete an
explanation of the SubGenius system of ritual magic as has yet been
distributed. Turn now to page 179 of Rx... there you'll see a one-page piece
headed 'We Accept You, We Accept You, One of Us, One of Us.' That is actually
the header to the first sub-section to a larger work titled 'SUBGENIUS
RITUAL MAGIK AND INITIATION.' Print out the following and paste it into
your copy of Revelation X...]


When at last your third face is opened and you can truly see life for what it
is, you will no longer need to seek out mystic experiences and ascended
masters. In the mean time, you want your answers hot and now, and you're
willing to pay us to provide them for you. So be it.

Your life has neither meaning nor finality outside of what we, who should
know, tell you; but nonetheless isn't it true that sometimes you seem to get
these little 'messages' that leave you... different... than before? Simple
insights that cause you to rapidly advance spiritually, financially and
sexually, insights that seem to come from nowhere and everywhere at the
same time. The Satanists call them 'crystalizations.' The psychiatrists call
them 'traumas' and 'psychosis.' We call it a fast buck, or to use the technical
term, 'clues.' These clues, these trigger moments, don't just happen
randomly. They happen because you're ready for them to happen, you're
looking for them. Like m'magic! And like mahgic, you can not just wait for
them but _make_ them happen -- through SubGenius Brand Alleged Ritual
MagIck [TM].

If you are a Normal, don't even try to better yourself by using these
methods -- let us be better than you, for you! By definition, the average Jane
and Joe Dobbs is not capable of improving their station in life. However, if
you are a dues-paying member of the Church of the SubGenius, you will find
in the following periodic table of real, honest to goodness magek spells a
recipe for success, peak experiences, paranormal insight and 'clues.' Endless,
endless 'clues.'

We've made it nice and simple for you, just like all the other esoteric mail
order cults: except when we say we have ten thousand years worth of
wisdom graphed out in a shopping-mall paperback / usenet post, we MEAN
it! This list of elements to ritual mygic has worked for royalty and beggars,
rock stars and geeks, parents and children the world over for untold
milennia -- and it can work for you too, if you will work for us (we, in turn,
work for THEM, The Head Engineering Movement [TM]). What follows are the
elements of Real Majeck -- those who are Meant To Know will be able to
assemble these base elements into mighty temples of power and slack.

SEX: of course. Most rituals contain a sexual element. This element is often
hidden in symbolism, either to hide its true meaning from critical eyes or to
pull a fast one on somebody you want to diddle. Incorporate into your ritual
life a pleasurable manifestation of your own sexuality, always in a
consentual and anti-viral environment. Take photographs or (even better)
videotapes, and mail them to "Bob" (SubGenius Safe Slack Campaign, Box
140306, Dallas TX 75214 USA) for archival purposes.

WORDS: Key words can trigger insight into hidden realms of consciousness.
For some this means learning the names of the angels that one may summon
for inner strength in times of difficulty. For others, this means being trained
like Pavlov's gods to slobber, orgasm or spend money when power words
like 'love,' 'all natural,' 'patriotism,' 'avante-guarde,' 'new' or '"Bob"' are
incorporated into a conversation. Give it a try.

PAIN: A little symbolic suffering can prepare one for a moral decision that
might bring more real suffering later on. The Masons (the REAL Masons) slap
their initiates around a bit in the early grades, to make sure they won't talk
later on when the Anti-Masons (the REAL Anti-Masons) get hold of them.
Bringing on pain can also open up the floodgates to pains you may have
'forgotten' about. Any martyr worth his or her vinegar knows all about 'self-
sacrifice,' and if you don't watch out they'll help you gain similar pain-
consciousness by telling _you_ all about it.

FEAR: Related to pain but more psychological/marketable, requring a more
subtle instructor and yeilding greater results. Fear is the application of trust.
Being blindfolded and told to put your hand in a plate of grapes, only to
remove the mask and discover you've been fondling _real human eyeballs_
can, sort of, wake a person up and cause them to confront difficult priorities
they may have been avoiding. Letting yourself be afraid around someone is
like having a HEUNH with a friend: it's a good way to make sure you'll do
anything they say later on (or the opposite of it -- think about you and your

LOSS: Any cult worth a hill of beans will quickly take away as much as it can
from you before you realize that all material things are an illusion and you
didn't really need all those mere things (although your guru did). Coming
home from an evening of doing laundry and discovering your house has
burned down can spark that 'a-ha!'/click insight you've read so much about

TABOO: Doing something you never thought you would will teach you that
you are capable of much more than what you're being told you are capable
of. And who knows where _that_ might lead? This is the element that
encompases all the others: violate a taboo of sex, pain, loss, etc. and you'll be
on your way. You'll also share the dirty laundry of whoever convinced you to
do whatever sick and sad thing you did, so they can blackmail you later on
(financially or emotionally). This builds fraternal/sororal bonds among

To find out more about the Church of the SubGenius, send $1.00 to
The SubGenius Foundation
P. O. Box 140306
Dallas TX 75214 USA
or visit []

(C) 1996 The SubGenius Foundation. All Rights Reserved.

127 House - An Independent Archive of Systematic Ideology P.O. Box 2321 Portland OR 97208-2321 USA - (503) 635-1796 -

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