From Rev. Sternodox to alt.slack

From: (Sandy Duncan)
Date: 4 Sep 1996 17:44:46 GMT
Organization: B.H.A.P.L.S.

What I want to perpetrate upon the persons of ALL
alt.slackers: I would like to promulgate the insidious rumor that
everyone who posts to alt.slack is a homicidal zoophiliac heroin
addict whose greatest pleasure in life is burning down Catholic
orphanages. Then I would point in your direction the proper
authorities who, under my conspiratorial direction, would actually be
untrained squads of rape gorillas who had all undergone bionic
surgery the purpose of which was to replace the gorillas' fleshy
organs with gigantic robotic penises equipped with rotating,
electrified fish scalers and glans-mounted flame throwers. Then I
would assign fifty rape gorillas to each alt.slacker and confine them
to tiny cells dug beneath the sewers of New York City. Then I
would instruct, by cerebral implant, that the gorillas simultaneously
skin each of you alive while penetrating your rectums with the
aforementioned bionic members. Then I'd like to hire about 23,653
retarded, alcoholic, overweight, NRA-member, evangelical Christian
trailer park denizens to donate a ten year accumulation of their
expiratory and excretory biproducts, mix it with the brainwater of
54,104 hydrocephalic Mormons, draw it up into a four-story tall,
solid shit syringe and inject it into each or your genitals' ass's
pussy's throats and then throw an electric frying pan into a jacuzzi
full of sulfuric acid and whale cum that you were lying unconscious
in (but you would regain consciousness seconds before your ultimate
demise, so that you could experience a few seconds of sheer horror
and agony). Then I would resurrect each of you, insert a super-heated
glass rod up your urethras, attach 123,321 vampiric, mutant Brazilian
leeches to cardboard paths leading to the glass rods, and throw you
into 1,000 foot deep pits dug in the mercury-soaked,
ecologically-fucked, unhallowed grounds of the worst strip and pit
mining areas on this fucked up planet. Then I would like to attach
rabid pitbulls to each of your assholes while slowly lowering you,
head first, into a swimming pool filled to the max with the liquid
that results from tossing 87,321 dead nuns into a blender with the
cast-off spum of 53,890,199 Juarez donkey shows. Then I would like to
crucify each one of you to an electric chair and wheel the chair into
the gas chamber at San Quentin, but rather than gas flooding the
hermetically sealed chamber, it would be a mixture of rat cum, the
hormonal detritus cast off by several species of cannabilistic dung
worms, and the shit that comes out of an asshole attached to they guy
whose shit smells worse than anybody else's. Then I would laugh. Then
I would puke on you. Then I would leave.

Rev. Sterno

My favorite things:
Kali * Puppies * Slayer * Ruth Gordon * Edgard Varese

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