From: Mr. Pete (petehip@cogsci.ed.ac.uk)

OK, I've been posting here. But (gasp, horrow) I've only just read any SubGenius literature. Specifically, Revelation X. It propelled me to write the following Theoretical Speculation. So am I a pinkboy, or what?



"Bob" is followed around by the centre point of the luck plane. Well, how come? The explanation is trite:

The luckiest thing for "Bob" would be for the centre point to follow him. As he's at the luckiest point... yeah, pretty simplistic feedback system. But not particularly satisfying. It's like that "explanation" for cattle mutilation:

A: "Gee, why would aliens mutilate cattle?" B: "Well, they're aliens, right?"

A: "Yeah."

A: "So they think in an alien manner."

B: "Yeah."

A: "So there's no way we'd expect to understand their alien motives."

Well, OK, so that explains how "Bob" gets so lucky the whole time. But HOW DID IT START? What made his PPQF so different? Was it just a slack "snowball" effect? I think the truth is that "Bob" managed to tap into the universe's tendency towards HETEROTROPIC MACROCATEGORIZATION. Let me explain in a roundabout manner.

One day, I was looking at the world through the bottom of a glass of wine. It is claimed that this makes the world look rosier. Empirical study demonstrates this not to be the case: however, the world CAN look EVEN WEIRDER when ethanol tinted. Contemplating the "chicken and egg" style problem of whether the customers were controlling the waiting staff, or the waiting staff were controlling the customers, I suddenly realized that a MUCH MORE INTENSE form of control was going on: EVERYONE was being controlled by the tables, the chairs, the crockery and cutlery. It was controlling where they were positioned, where they could move, what kind of movements they could make. This was the closest I ever got to feeling like a character from a Philip K. Dick novel. But anyway, from this BASIC INSIGHT the theory of HETEROTROPIC MACROCATEGORIZATION was born.

HETEROTROPIC MACROCATEGORIZATION suggests that the universe is a bubbling mess of chaos that tries to impose EVERY POSSIBLE kind of order on itself. One of the ways it does this is by developing organic (and inorganic) creti^H^Hatures that construct abstract systems of categorization: like my theory of CHAIR CONTROL. The only way it can get more complex, abstract sorts of structure is to have MINDS to breed its twisted, baroque fantasies in. And they are fantasies. The entire universe is one long pointless bout of PSYCHIC MASTURBATION.

What the fuck does this have to do with "Bob", you snarl. The point is, with a slack laden PPQF, you can cause the MACROCATEGORIZATIONAL structure of the universe to bend. Take a glass of wine. Drink half of it. According to popular wisdom, you will then see it as either half-empty or half-full. This is not the case for "Bob" - the universe actually bends the possible ways in which it can be divided up so that the glass can ONLY be half-full. This is not a matter of "Bob"'s or anyone else's PERCEPTION of the glass. The very idea of "Bob" having a half empty glass is impossible (so obviously he is not drinking right now, or the macrocategorizational pressure would turn this into a piece about cultivating your intestinal flora, or even eradicate it altogether).

"So what?" you say. "Isn't this just a restatement of The Physics Of Luck, slightly rewritten to involve CATEGORIES rather than QUANTUM FIELD COLLAPSE?" No. Because the quantum effects produce what "Bob" needs. But the MACROCATEGORIZATIONAL effects produce "Bob"'s satisfaction with what he needs. You need the combination of luck and satisfaction for slack.

The most incredible aspect of all this is that it now becomes apparent that "Bob" will be present NOT ONLY in this universe, but in any possible "parallel" universe or "virtual" reality. This is simply because these places will also be bound up in their FRENZY of PSYCHIC MASTURBATION. It may not be possible for "Bob", the most baroque of all macrocategorizations, to fully manifest in the more backwardsy places, like the universe made up only from the letter A, where all the inhabitants can do is chant "A is A is A is A is A is A" (this is a translation into English: in their own language it is rendered "AaAaAaAaAaAa"). Nevertheless, to whatever extent it is possible, "Bob" will prevail.

Yrs. sincerely,

Mr. Pete

------------------------------------- Only those who respect respect, respect.


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