Brag of the Hacker Subgenius - v1.0


(....sound of modem connection being made....)

Aaaaaieeeee! I am the hacker to end all hackers forever! I am a Road Warrior on the Information Superhighway! Jehovah-1 hath bestoweth unto me the Virtual Fist of Removal, and it shall smite the unworthy! I picked the terror of the fucking Gods off my hard disk and uploaded it to America Online! I eat floppy disks for dessert and puke up the bad sectors! I crashed Ivan Stang's PowerMac by farting on his mail address! I have Net access everywhere and can log on in my sleep! I can trance-spout every password you have ever used! I get a suntan from high radiation computer monitors! Bill Gates and Phillipe Kahn pay me protection money! I wrote the very first computer virus and all of them since! My viruses themselves write other viruses! Ergonomic keyboards and mice give me a hardon! My home page on the Web melts the eyeballs of unworthy Pinks!

I can EMail myself over the Internet! Janor came to ME when he needed the Janor Device upgraded! My Internet Worm will meltdown every computer in the world at 7:00AM July 5, 1998! I wrote the RoboCop's microcode and taught him how to speak English! Charles Babbage looked at my prototypes and threw up his hands in utter despair! I corn-holed Countess Ada Lovelace as she was writing the world's first computer program! I built the Tower of Babbage and scrambled the minds of computer programmers everwhere and made them program in foreign tongues! I am the reason Pinks and Normals can't program their VCRs! I am the original Phone Phreak! My nose-whistles can get me free long distance phone calls! I eat old computer chips for late night snacks! I figured out how to use my old Commodore PET as an Internet Mail server! My Laserjet's test page display's "Bob"s picture! I put "Bob"s face onto the Linux CD ROM!

I can guess ANY encryption key using a Tarot deck and a pair of dice! My microwave oven's on-board computer is faster than a Cray-2! I can reprogram your DNA with a few taps on my keyboard! I can surf the Internet using Dennis Wilson's old surfboard! Come on...GIVE ME a computer virus! I'll shred it byte by byte and turn it into the next Microsoft release! I logged in and deleted Bill Clinton's bank accounts from my pocket calculator! I can make your hardware obsolete by just STARING at it! I built the first Turing Machine out of old junk in my garage! My computer programs make a mockery of the field of Computer Science! I invented Virtual Reality when I took my first hit of 'Frop! My compression algorithms can smash the entire world onto the head of a pin! The Grays contracted ME to fix their navigational computers after Roswell! I hacked a root password login to the Xist's mainframe! I can put out security Firewalls with a deep breath and a good sneeze! I ate my Apple II and barfed up a Macintosh! I'll .... terminated)......

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Original file name: Brag of the Hacker Subgeniu

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