Uncle Lou's Cavalcade of Fitness

By ljduchez@en.com (Lou Duchez)
Date: 9 May 1996

I have a great idea for a childrens' show, but I need some help getting
it off the ground. (Perhaps I should talk to the Incredible "Bobby"
Holiday to see if his L.A. contacts can help?)

The show would be called Uncle Lou's Cavalcade of Fitness. It would work
like so:

1) Ads are put in the the newspapers of a community along the lines of:
"Children wanted for new television game show. No specific types
preferred." In other words, we're looking for just a good mix of kids.

2) The kids go into an auditorium, sans parents, and the guy on stage does
a chirpy little act to engross the kids.

3) The metal doors slide shut and the children are forced onto unmarked
school busses by armed guards in full riot gear.

4) The busses drive over extremely rough terrain, unsettling the children
even further. About 15 minutes into the ride, a tape starts playing
a continuous loop of Zoogz Rift's "The Secret Marines Sex Kitten Beach
Party". The children are closely monitored at this point, to see which
ones are comforted by the music, as opposed to growing even more

5) The busses reach their destination, and the kids are manhandled their
way off the bus. The Zoogz-friendly children are separated from the

6) Here's where the game show starts ... the Zoogz-unfriendly children are
put through a series of physical tasks to determine their survival
skills. In the pilot episode, I envision the kids having to cross a
mine field, while a man gooses 'em on with a B-B gun. Cameras are set
up everywhere to catch the action (the Zoogz-friendly children get to
watch from an air-conditioned loge).

7) After the sequence of events finishes, any survivors have to battle
each other to the death, using only broken and rusty toys.

8) The winner gets three new Nintendo cartridges.

Like I say, I think we have a winner here. But as you might guess, the
big obstacle is finding old school busses. If anyone out there can help
out, I'd appreciate it.

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