Going insane.

From: mesmith@cris.com (Mark E. Smith)
Date: Wed, 16 Aug 1995

I'm thinking seriously of going insane, and I wonder if anyone
can give me a few pointers. As long as I'm going nuts, I might
as well do it right.

As I see it, here are some of the advantages of insanity:

More free time

No need to form a lame response when someone says, "Hot
enough for you?"

Can't participate in marketing surveys at the mall

If you can remain non-violent, people will credit you for
not being "TOO insane"

Can garner media attention by claiming "Scientology made me
this way"

Network TV spiced up by hidden messages intended especially
for you

However, if possible I'd like to avoid pitfalls like the
following:

Rantings of Pat Buchanan and Jesse Helms actually start to
make sense

Harder to resist porcelain doll offers on cable TV

Embarrassing drooling

Astrology, homeopathy, fundamentalism and Amway all begin to
seem perfectly reasonable

Ross Perot calling at all hours to defend title of America's
Foremost Loon

Any suggestions will be cheerfully entertained, if not
necessarily entertaining.

--
Mark E. Smith <mesmith@cris.com>
18 YEARS DRUG FREE -- Congratulations, Elvis!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: eraserhead@iglou.iglou.com (David Lynch)

Mark E. Smith (mesmith@cris.com) wrote:
: I'm thinking seriously of going insane, and I wonder if anyone
: can give me a few pointers. As long as I'm going nuts, I might
: as well do it right.

The way I see it, the main problem with insanity is the overwhelming
depression and paranoia. You can't preform simple functions like getting
out of bed, cleaning the house, or buying the groceries, and you want
or need to mutilate yourself sometimes. In general, insanity sucks even
worse than normalcy. Just be weird. It probably comes naturally, and
you'll be able to get out of bed every day, or stay in bed if it suits
your fancy. If you really want to go insane, alienate yourself from the
rest of the world and develop a rich fantasy life. Severe depression and
chemical imbalances also help, or so I've been told. Good luck.

eraserhead@iglou.com \ Not the famous director \ Fuck Exon
"In the night of the iron sausage, the torture never stops." -F.Z.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: dynasor@news.infi.net (Dennis McClain-Furmanski)

mc> More free time

During depressive episodes, certainly. During mania, there's just not
enough hours in the day.

mc> No need to form a lame response when someone says, "Hot
> enough for you?"

Right. They're preformed for you by random association processes.
Such a response to this question would be "Plastic flower buffet horoscope
and your salamander court seance tomb."

This does make it easier to remove yourself from such social inanities.

mc> Can't participate in marketing surveys at the mall

Unless you choose MPD. Then you can participate several times.

mc> If you can remain non-violent, people will credit you for
> not being "TOO insane"

A copy of blueprints for a nuclear warhead in your wallet helps here.

mc> Can garner media attention by claiming "Scientology made me
> this way"

And garner the few hundred bucks you'd get from going on the talk shows.
Those are the only ones who take clammie claims seriously anymore.

mc> Network TV spiced up by hidden messages intended especially
> for you

Even when it's off, sparing you from the cancer causing Blue Phosphor
rays. A definite plus.

mc> However, if possible I'd like to avoid pitfalls like the
> following:

mc> Rantings of Pat Buchanan and Jesse Helms actually start to
> make sense

That's not insanity. That's just evil.

mc> Harder to resist porcelain doll offers on cable TV

Again, even when it's turned off. But the dolls are so much cuter when
they're turned on. They get all moist.

mc> Embarrassing drooling

Strictly optional and only for show.

mc> Astrology, homeopathy, fundamentalism and Amway all begin to
> seem perfectly reasonable

They ARE perfectly REASONable. That's why you'd want to forego REASON.

mc> Ross Perot calling at all hours to defend title of America's
> Foremost Loon

Oh, foo. He does not. He uses a brain wave amplifier, and only at night.

mc> Any suggestions will be cheerfully entertained, if not
> necessarily entertaining.

I suggest working up an "act" and trying it out in different areas of the
city/state/country and see what different diagnoses you can get -- what's
hot in different locales. Then you can choose your venue, knowing what
kind of medication and restraints they'll be offering between shows.

* 2qwk! 1.26b3 * Physics and Law; if it weren't for those I'd be unstoppable

--
dynasor@infi.net The Doctor is on.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: cspencer@news.gate.net (MrSluggo)

Dennis McClain-Furmanski (dynasor@news.infi.net) wrote:

: Such a response to this question would be "Plastic flower buffet horoscope
: and your salamander court seance tomb."

WARNING TO ALL USENET POSTERS

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Prosecutors will be violated.

-Mr(Helen)Sluggo

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: gerdw@cougar.vut.edu.au (David Gerard)

You'll need to take up smoking. It's insanely (heh!) fuckin' boring in your
average loony bin.

Also, when you're in manic stage, there just isn't enough time. I have a
loony friend (who later ended up in a loony bin) who was analysing a picture
in a magazine to work out the message the artist was trying to send to her.
Her *personally*. It was an evil message, too -- how she could save children
from being thrown to sharks by gatherings of rich men at the Fremantle
Yacht Club while protecting her vaaaaaast and wealthy inheritance from attack
by the police, who put a special tracer poison on the back of stamps she
was using, which is why she only ever bought stamps in peel-off packs of
ten. (This is what she said.) And she spent about seven hours on this.

She also had a reliable method of causing spontaneous abortion using a bottle of gin and a too-hot bath, but I think gin tastes disgusting so I won't repeat it here. Also, it might actually have some substance to it.

: No need to form a lame response when someone says, "Hot
: enough for you?"

Just scream -- works well. Or explain the conspiracy against you (see above).

: Can't participate in marketing surveys at the mall

Bzzzzt! Wrong. They're paid by the survey.

: If you can remain non-violent, people will credit you for
: not being "TOO insane"

Yes indeed! There's a real class-difference in the loony bin between the
lucid ones and the totally fried ones and the violently insane ones.
No-one on a higher level *hates* anyone below, they understand that they're
loony and can't help it ... they just have to avoid the violent ones.

Also, the lucid ones have no problems making friends with the nurses, some
of whom are fascists but others of whom are the nicest people you could meet in a thankless job.

: Can garner media attention by claiming "Scientology made me
: this way"

And all you need to do is spew Scientology-speak (particularly the bits
about Xenu and the Marcabs and clam-spores) and they'll KNOW you're insane.

: Network TV spiced up by hidden messages intended especially
: for you

Yes indeedy. Magazines in your doctor's waiting room spiced up by hidden
messages intended especially for you! See above. On the other hand, you
should be able to receive these messages perfectly well with your magical
SubGenius powers, if you're applying them right. EVERYTHING is Bulldada.

:However, if possible I'd like to avoid pitfalls like the
:following:

: Rantings of Pat Buchanan and Jesse Helms actually start to
: make sense

Oh, they make sense already -- EVIL fuckin' sense.

: Harder to resist porcelain doll offers on cable TV

Not when you have no income. And their contract with you won't be binding
-- you are, after all, legally incapable.

: Embarrassing drooling

Only when the drugs are too strong. But if you befriend your nurse, they'll
cut the dose no matter WHAT the doctor says.

Remember: the nurses HATE the doctors in psych wards.

: Astrology, homeopathy, fundamentalism and Amway all begin to
: seem perfectly reasonable

As do Scientology and SubGenius.

: Ross Perot calling at all hours to defend title of America's
: Foremost Loon

You too can have the world's wildest pie chart!

:Any suggestions will be cheerfully entertained, if not
:necessarily entertaining.
:--
:Mark E. Smith <mesmith@cris.com>
:18 YEARS DRUG FREE -- Congratulations, Elvis!

Is that Mark-uh E-uh. Smith-uh, or am I just getting confused?

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