Prom night at the Stang crib: part01

From: (Andrew J. Testa)
Date: 10 Aug 1995


Dan slowly eased the car up to the curb, parking under the streetlight to
read the address on the piece of paper. By squinting he was able to verify
that this was indeed the right house. He gathered up the corsage and
stepped out of the car, smoothing the rented tux and shifted the unwanted
erection aside so as to be less noticable. "Got to stop thinking like that,"
he mumbled. "Just meet her parents and get out, then worry about getting
laid." His cheap shoes clicked loudly as he walked up the driveway, echoing
through the yards of the Dallas suburb. A few distant dogs barked in reply,
falling silent as he stopped at the front door. Dan glanced quickly again
at the tux, and ran his hands through his cropped hair as he rang the door-
bell. A muted gong sounded through the door, and Dan shuffled his feet
nervously waiting for the door to open.

Nothing. No one answered the door. Dan waited a few minutes, stepping
back and glancing at the windows to see if any lights were on. They were,
so people were home. They HAD to be home. It was prom night, after all.
They knew he was coming, they wouldn't just leave would they? He felt the
panic rise. "Oh shit, is this the right night?" Just as he began to turn
back to the car, he heard the latches clatter, and the door was opened. The
light inside was bright, and Dan couldn't see anything but the silouette
of the person who opened the door. Tall and thin, with a wild spray of
loose hair. Good God, who is that? "Uh, Hi. I'm Dan. I'm here to pick up
your daughter? For the prom?"

The figure breathed heavily as it pushed the door wide. "Ah, come in, boy,
come on in." The figure had a raspy voice, and wheezed as it spoke. Dan
walked into the home, squinting in the bright light. He heard the door close
behind him, and shivered involuntarily as the locks closed audibly. The
place was creepy. There were books everywhere, piled on tables and next to
chairs. And boxes. Large cardboard boxes stacked by the door. The strange
figure moved past Dan, and suprised him with how quickly it moved. It
sprinted to a room off a hallway, then re-emerged after a minute of rummaging.

"C'mon son, have a seat, get comfortable. Want some juice?"
Dan sat awkwardly in the nearest chair. "No thanks." He studied the figure
as he adjusted to the lights. It was a tall, gaunt man, with a huge mane
of unruly hair spraying from his head like a fountain, and spilling off his
shoulders onto his chest. He was thin, too thin, with hollow cheeks and
dry blistered lips. "Eegads," he thought, "I hope that's not her father."
The man sank into the chair opposite him, and the lips cracked as it
chuckled, "Well then, I'm Ivan Stang. Stangette's father. Let's get
aquainted, shall we?"

To Be Continued...


From: (Andrew J. Testa)


Oh God, it is her father. Dan's heart beat faster, threatening to become
audible in the room. Stang leaned closer, eyed Dan slowly, then fixed him
with a steely gaze.
"So, you're Dan, are you? Stangette's been talking a lot about you, son. Tonight we'll see if she chose wisely." He started laughing, a wheezy croak of a laugh that sent shudders through Dan.
"Well, I hope so, Mr. Stang... uh, is she ready?" Dan couldn't take his
eyes off the pustulent lips as he spoke.
"Mister! Damnit boy, I'm REVEREND Stang! A PREACHER for christ's sake."
He quickly leaned forward again. "What are you staring at son? These lips,
this face? Never seen a religious man before? Never been TAKEN BY THE

"DADDY! You promised!" Came a call from upstairs.

The fire in Stang's eyes blazed, although he sat back in the chair. A
smile cracked the lips once more. He turned his head halfway towards the
stairs, still nailing Dan with his gaze. "It's okay honey, I'm just enter-
taining your date! Aren't I Dan."

Dan nodded his head, then remembered that Stangette couldn't see him.
"That's right hon, uh, Stangette. It's alright!"

"Good!" exclaimed Stang. "why don't you come with me. I'll show you around the house, let you see how REAL religious folk live." He stood and waved Dan forward. "This is of course a mess right now, as I've got a ton of
mailings. Here, this is the workshop." He opened a door into a large room
with the windows taped over, lit by several overly bright incandescents.
Again, Dan had to squint to see.

"C'mon, boy, we're in a hurry here." Stang pushed the half-blinded Dan
further into the room. As Dan's eyes began to adjust, he heard the thick
door slam closed. "Now there, son, stop blinking and sit down." Dan sat
on a nearby stack of burlap bags. They were the only surface close by to
sit on. The top one was stenciled "Kwick-Grow Squid Chow." Dan began to
feel queesy.

"Now son, I'll forgive you for staring. After all, it's not everyday you
get to see an actual holy man." Stang sat close to Dan, leaning in as he
spoke. Dan tried to supress a grimace as the fetid breath assaulted him.
But not quickly enough to fool the preacher. Stang exhaled mightily.
"HA! These are trappings of the PREACHER son. These lips; BURNED from
the years of sacred words passing through them! STAINED with the truth!
BLISTERED by the very SHIT OF THE GODS that I ingest on a REGULAR SCHEDULE!"

Stang shouted now, spittle flying. "And YOU want to date MY DAUGHTER!"
Oh please God, thought Dan, don't let him kill me I promise please oh god.
"uh, yea...yes Mr...Reverend Stang," he stammered. "I'll treat her real good,
I promise. I swear!"

Stang slowly stood, his fierce visage softening. "Good, very good. She
is protected, you know Dan. I have influence. Now tell me, be honest,
were you planning to get laid tonight?"

"NO sir! Uh, no reverend Stang!" Dan was dead. God please get me out of

"Heh, boy, cool down. I'm a holy man, true, but I gotta live with the TIMES
don't I? Hell, I know what Prom Night is like. I've busted up MORE than
a few. Do you think you'll be the first kid to prematurely mess the inside
of theose rented trousers? Hell, I know the URGES, boy. What I want to
know is, do YOU have protection? You gonna wrap that rascal?"

Dan's face twitched. He realized it had be twitching for the last ten
minutes. He felt like a lab specimen, scrutinized by Stang's powerful
attention beams. He tried to speak, tried to formulate a plausible
response, but nothing came out. He fought, but the truth leaped from his
throat unbidden. "Well, I always carry some. I want to be responsible,
reverend Stang..." His voice trailed off, eyes widening as the horror of
what he'd said sunk in. I just told him I plan to fuck his daughter! Oh, god
am I dead. Dan sunk into the stack of squid food and awaited his fate. But
Stang remained cool. He actually chuckled as he stood and faced the
quivering teenager. "Of course you do. We ALL do. I wouldn't be a good
father now if I didn't make sure you were concerned for her protection
now, would I? Now let's take a look." Stang opened a wallet and looked
inside. Hey, wait a minute, Dan thought, suddenly angry. "That's my
wallet!" The old coot lifted my wallet! But before Dan could act Stang
tossed the wallet back at him, and stood examining the strip pack of
condoms he had removed. Dan caught his wallet and hugged it to his chest.

"Well, let's see. Oh, Dan, Glow-in-the-Dark? Have you no CLASS?" Stang
picked up a huge set of carpet shears and in one stroke cut the whole pack
in half. He handed the pack back to Dan, lubrication greasing his palms.
"Now son, remember, that NEXT time it'll be your WORTHLESS GODDAMN LITTLE PRICK that gets the blade!" Dan dropped the pack as Stang leaned closer for the kill. "You'll be only the second I've had to kill, so I can't
guarantee it'd be clean. Now, I believe that Stangette is ready." He
quickly walked to the door, motioning for Dan to follow.

"C'mon boy, let's go! Gotta big night ahead of you! Don't keep my little
girl waiting." He held the door as a dazed and skittish Dan walked through.
"Now have a seat son, I'll get my daughter. She's SO looking forward to

To be continued....
/ Xenu stole my lunch money \
/ Andy Testa (KoX - SP4) $ee $ecret $cientology $cripture at \
\ /
\ Declared "institutional case" - Koos Nolst Trenite May '95 /

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