Skull-Based Surgery

By (Rob [Not-Bob])
Date: 26 Apr 1996 22:50:24 GMT

S.F. Chronicle, 25 April 96
Page C3


Associated Press

San Diego

Two surgeons were filming aerial shots of another doctor [neurosurgery
resident] wearing a gorilla suit fir a spoof of the medical thriller
"Outbreak", when their helicopter crashed...

The doctors were putting together an annual videotape explaining the goals
of the neurosurgery department when the accident occurred...

It was not clear how the neurosurgery department related to a gorilla or to
"Outbreak", which is a popular 1995 film about a town besieged by a
mysterious virus...

[the two surgeons involved in the crash] formed the hospital's pre-eminent
SKULL-BASED surgical team, [the hospital's medical director] said.
Skull-Based Surgeon
Episode 34: LR6 Feet Under

"Okay, now this is the tricky part... you see how the basilar artery
aneursym extends rostrally to the takeoff of the posterior cerebral artery
there...we're going to need the SPECIAL SKULL for this one." The famous
neurosurgeon holds out his hand to the scrub tech. "Special Skull," he
The tech swallows nervously. This is only her second day scrubbing
on her own with this neurosurgeon. Before her on the Mayo stand lie
hundreds of skulls arrayed in exacting precision. Aardvark, anteater,
antelope...yak, zebra... Her head starts to swim. Which one did Dr. X call
the "Special Skull?"
"Special SKULL!" he barks, not taking his eyes off the pulsing
arterial bulge at the base of the patient's brain. Any wrong move on his
part, any lack of exacting hemodynamic control on the part of the
anesthesiologist, and the patient could be dead...or worse.
The heft of a skull sinks into the surgeon's skilled left hand.
That was more like it, he thinks, as he lowers the Special Skull toward
"This is NOT the SPECIAL SKULL" he roars, flinging the offending
cranium past the face of the scrub tech, to splinter on the wall beyond.
"I could have trashed the abducens nerve with that thing! Circulator!" he
cries, looking around past his loupes for the OR nurse.
"Lighten up, dude," the anesthesiologist murmurs, "she just went out
to center core to get me a bag of LR. She'll be right back."
"Dammit, man, I need a special skull flashed, and I need it NOW!"
"Dude, have you ever tried a clip instead?" the anesthesiologist
offers helpfully.
"A clip! A clip?! I'll give you a clip!" as the neurosurgeon pulls
out a MAC-9 and machine-gunns the entire OR team, splattering their
worthless bodily fluids onto the walls of the chill room like a Picasso from
Hell. "There. That's more like it," he chortles with satisfaction. "Now,
let's get on with the surgery. I have a resident in a gorilla suit waiting
for me outside."

Rob (Not-Bob), AKA Dr. Archvile of Doom/Heretic fame, AKA MHM 14x5 AKA
Frater Notbobbus Indignitatus O' the Darkyoni Clench DisOrder F.A.H.T. ;

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