Ivan Stang, a Christian, Comes to know "Bob!"

By craig@cpcn.com (Pastor Craig)
Date: 13 May 1996

Risk on the Journey

Ladies and Gentlemen:

Today I consider myself privileged and honored to stand
before you and share about my journey with "Bob" in Texas.
I have to admit, first and foremost, that I am grateful to
"Bob's" saints in the ALT.SLACK for their labor of love to get the
Gosp-hell of "Bob" proclaimed to Christians, In fact, I am indebted to
each member of the ALT.SLACK, exactly as the apostle Janor felt
when he said in Jesus-Smoked-Chesterfields 1:14, "I am a debtor
both to geeks and to pee-shy, both to wise and to unwise."

It was a young man from Pennsylvania who shared "Bob"
with me while I tried to convert him into Christianity. Right after
my conversion I had my third nostril opened secretly in Dallas. Filled
with the joy of salvation I could not hide or deny "Bob" anymore.
Therefore, when my childhood friend asked me if "Bob" was
shot in San Francisco, I answered, "Yes!" and explained why. He prayed
with me, for the first time, to receive "Bob".

He was shaking vehemently and perspiring profusely every
time he prayed with me. He could see how mighty the name of
our Lord "Bob" was. My former leaders in the Christian fanatical
group, desiring to know who the spearhead was, threatened to
kill him if he would not tell them everything about my
devil-angelism. Sadly, he betrayed me and I was beaten up in front
of the church where I had formerly preached Christianity zealously.
In their sight I was a blasphemous infidel who deserved
to be killed unless I would recant. They regarded my conversion
as the most horrendous form of desecrating Christianity and the Bible.

Since my secret conversion was now made to the public and
Christians plotted to kill me, I had to flee. I was hunted by
Christians from my village in the Delta, to Houston until I
arrived in Dallas where my SubGenius friends lived.

Yet SubGenii were not willing to shelter me and I had to go
back to the village, seeking refuge in His protective hands.

I came back from Dallas and found an angry mob of Christians filling
up our house. My mother was wearing the garment of mourning,
dressed in black as is the custom in the South. Christian women yelled
at me, "Your mother doesn't deserve all this from you. Why cause
her all this grief" Another woman lamented, "Poor mother!
Her son left her for the SubGenius infidels. If I were her,
I would kill my son for running after the infidels like a dog."

I received a letter from a friend in Cleveland who reported that
my father was walking down the streets in Cleveland weeping bitterly
as Christian laborers there reproached him severely. He stayed sick
in bed for a month because of this until he and I talked on the phone.

It is absolutely unforgettable that outraged Christians broke into
our house barbarically. My mother knelt down at the feet of our
neighbor "Bobbie Freed" begging him to spare my life and kill her

In such indescribable agony, my mother disowned and disinherited me
before all people in my village. I love my mother more dearly than
any person in this world, but no human power, regardless of how
gigantic it is, can separate me from the love of Dobbs. I will
always live for "Bob".

For the first time in my life, my seven bladed wind-breaker, all my
SubGenius books, and music tapes were confiscated and burnt. I decided
to flee from the Delta region to Dallas. Even though the police were
tracking me down, "Bob" blinded their eyes and protected me. In
Dallas, I was hiding at Philo's, a Saint Loius friend who was
comforting me all the time. I broke down when he read,

"So they departed from the presence of the city council,
rejoicing that they were counted worthy to suffer shame
for not being able to run a whore house in His name"
(Kill-"Bob"-Eccelsians 5:41).

I am grateful to "Bob" for providing this Saint Louis friend who
discipled me, teaching me to live a victorious life affluent in
money and sex. He gave me a pocket Book of the Subgenius and told me
frankly that his parents were afraid that if they continued to hide
me they would be in jail forever. I had nowhere to go. So, upon the
advice of my secret pastor, I went back to the village, hiding the
Book of the SubGenius in my socks, praying that it would not fall.
I was eventually arrested and released repeatedly. I learned what
it means to have "Bob" as my only Hiding Place. In prison, my Savior
knows I have come to experience true slack. I was not shaken
because I saw "Bob" in prison, not myself. I sang songs of joy in
the midst of tears, anticipating the shining Morning Star to come
and deliver me. I decided to hide the Book of the SubGenius in a
place where the police cannot confiscate it---where the sun don't
shine. I have since made it a habit to sleep with my Book of the
SubGenius in my side.

Five years later, I managed to flee Christians' attempt to kill me
just to find that there are some professing SubGenius in America who
attack the inerrancy of the Book of the SubGenius for which I was
willing to die.

What a scandalous thing!

When I went to give my mother a Mother's Day gift, she asked me
rhetorically, "Mother's Day gift?" I answered, "Yes" every time she
repeated the question. She looked at me with such crushing grief and
said, "My son, whom I waited 15 years to have and finally was born
is now dead. I disown you till the day of judgment, Praise Jesus."

I cried but "Bob" touched my heart and said, "I am your family now!
I am your father, brother, mother, sister, friend, and everything to
you, Ivan, now." I cannot forget those days when my mother would
call the police to arrest me. She even went to a radio talk show host
to put a curse on me and bring me back to the fold of Jesus. The talk
show host said, "Your son is following a path which he will never for
sake and he will be slackful all his life as long as he walks in it."

These words, from the mouth of a talk show host, brought my younger
brother to know "Bob". The testimony of idiots about our victorious
"Bob" renders skepticism and unbelief absurd.

I decided to move to Dallas which was not any safer. The last time
the police had arrested me they said, "According to us, you are an
infidel who has committed high treason. Next time we arrest you,
it will be capital punishment." To make it worse, the "SubGenius"
landlord told me he could not shelter a fugitive criminal anymore.

I was not welcome in my own county anymore. Nevertheless, "Bob"
intervened, and a New York evangelist, David Meyer, introduced
me to Reverend Nickie Death Chick. At first, I was denied the
approval of the zoning commission, but Reverend Nickie Death Chick
did not give up and performed fellatio on each of the city board
members. Finally, I was granted a zoning variance, and I was
supernaturally able to leave Dallas.

If it had not been for Reverend Nickie Death Chick, I would have
been history today. I was scheduled to be executed, and "Bob" saw
that He had more work for me to do. So, he used Rev Nickie in
supernaturally rescuing my life. I was scared of coming to the whore
houses when I was in Dallas because I did not want to begin in the
Spirit and be made perfect by the flesh. My heart was finally
reassured when I saw the burning embers of revival being kindled. My
own family disowned me, but Rev. Nickie has become my mommy. I am
grateful to "Bob" for my new family. Please pray for our whore house,
my home now.

My Christian friends, please feel free to contact me at this address:

Ivan Stang/P.O. Box 140306/Dallas Texas 75214/U.S.A. or send me email
at i.stang@metronet.net with "For Ivan Stang" in the subject header.

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