The SubGenius: Too Damn Optimistic

From: (Francis E. Decstation)
Date: Fri, 24 May 96

>> >A delurk message for the inhabitants of alt.slack from Rev. Technobear:
>> >I just realized that the whole SubGenius doctrine: "Bob", the Conspiracy,
>> >X-Day, and so on, is way too optimistic and cheerful. We may rant about
>> >the Con, and about hate, and about paranoia and pessimism, but in
>> >reality, our beliefs are as fucking cheerful as any episode of Barney the
>> >Dinosaur.
>> >Let's face the facts here. THE WHOLE WORLD SUCKS! THINGS ARE
>> >However, we hide this from ourselves by believing that there is a CoN, a
>> >Conspiracy of Normalcy. We talk about "fighting the Con," and "the Con
>> >does this or that," but we're just being optimistic. We fool ourselves
>> >into believing that there is a Con, because this allows us to believe
>> >that ultimately somebody or something is actually PLANNING and
>> >
>> >Same thing for J.R. "Bob" Dobbs. We want to believe that there is an
>> >idiotic, but incredibly lucky, salesman out there who is going to save
>> >our asses on X-Day. We want to believe that we can hang-glide the luck
>> >plane like "Bob", and good things will happen for us. But, we're wrong
>> >again. There ain't no "Bob", and there ain't no Santa Claus or Easter
>> >Bunny either. When good things happen to us SubGenii, it's just pure
>> >dumb luck. Likewise, when one of us gets turned into road pizza on the
>> >interstate like Brother Legume, it's just pure dumb luck. (Luck is like
>> >Fuck. It can be very good, very bad, or somewhere in between.)
>> >
>> >And X-Day. What a load of crap. We believe that the Xists will come
>> >from space and carry us away from our bullshit existence on the Escape
>> >Saucers. Fat fucking chance. Face it, WE ARE HERE. HERE SUCKS. AND

>> Jerry Oakley <> says:
>> Well, OF COURSE SubGenius is optimistic... it's a RELIGION! All religions
>> are basically optimistic because they are safety devices constructed so
>> that people won't have to think about all the things you mentioned in your
>> post. Conspiracy theory, as you pointed out, is nothing but post-modern
>> religion to make us think that the world is actually a good place, when
>> it isn't at all.

> (Crazy Bob) wrote:
>Francis E.Decstation wrote:
>>Yes, shit just happens. That IN ITSELF is the CON. The CON is not an
>>ordinary run-of-the-mill conspiracy, meeting in exclusive clubs in
>>Manhattan and London to plan world domination. It encompasses such
>>conspiracies, but it is not on the same level. It is the COSMIC PRINCIPLE
>>which causes them to form, which causes people to form lynch mobs
>>against those who are "different", which causes asinine laws to be passed,
>>with the support of the indifferent mobs, and which denies us our SLACK.

>And now, I write: Alright, it is Clear that Technobear does not fully
>understand the church, and Crazy Bob, which has more understanding,
>doesn't either. Now Francis whatever on the other hand is getting

>The Con is all things anti-Bob/ anti-Slack. It is a factory, it is
>Technobears nuerotic ranting, it is guilt, it is obssession to the
>exclusion of acceptance, it is pride, it is regret, and much much more.
>But, the Con isn't an imaginary enemy created to distract us from the
>partial truth, or reality, or our problems, the Con is our problem, the
>only problem! True, the Church is full of self declared quakery, but
>admist the quakery is more partial truth than ever told before,
>anywhere,by anyone! We look at the glass half full, because it actually
>kinda of is, but also because the subgenius relizes that he would have to
>be a fuckin' moron to look at it half empty. Nothing good can come from
>looking at the glass half empty, all good comes from looking at it half
>full. If the world is going to become one huge toxic, diseased,
>warfaring, post-industrial nightmare, then the only hope we have of
>improving it, is by laughing at it and loving it as much as that is

Sort of. only the "it" that we love is NOT the "world", as most
people would term it. That is why SubGenius doctrine doesn't make sense to
normals; because unless you already intuitively understand it, it
seems schizophrenic. What we love is one aspect of the world --
its SLACK. Slack is a fundamental aspect of the universe -- and of
everything, whether it is material or not. (Metaphysically, it is the
image of the universe on the Yacatizma plane.) But love without hate
is meaningless. It makes no sense to love slack and that which gives
you slack if you don't righteously hate that which denies you slack --
namely the CON.

Also, pride itself is not part of the CON. Pride in your Yeti heritage
and your abnormality is part of being a SubGenius. Excessive pride,
where it blocks the flow of slack, however is bad. But being ashamed of
your difference from the Pink crowd-following hordes is worse. As is
denying to yourself your abnormality, your Yeti lusts and hates and your
inability to fit into the neat boxes of mainstream society, out of fear
or conditioning. If you do this, you are defeating yourself and thus
become PART OF THE CON. The SubGenius does not deny reality -- s/he edits it.

>possible. The church is full of so much golden half-truth, that it refuses
>to explain anything as clearly as I am now. Because confusion and
>ambiguity are our strengths for whatever reasons I know unconciously, but
>have not organized conciously yet. Slack on brothers!

There is no need to refuse to explain something like this. This is
really something that each SubGenius must discover alone, either way.

Trust not a normal who denies Slack
For Nental Ife they surely lack.

St. Francis E.

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