NEWBIE ALERT! (or: How we treat the unsaved questioner and how much they deserve to be treated that way).

From: someone

Most of this is stuff that regulars will have seen before. They will
recognize the sickening lies it contains and I will be taken to task
for it. Nevertheless, this is all correct.

A Newbie asks:

>What exactly is this substance called slack?

What gets you cash, sex and happiness -- or at least, REASONABLY GOOD
SIMULACRA of them. That's a lie, too.

"Fuck 'Em If They Tell The Same Joke Over and Over Again With Minor
Variations That Rarely Make It Funnier And Frequently Just Make
It Quite Frankly Tedious" -- D.R. "Job" Bodds.

>More importantly, can one obtain it without money?

The Dobbsian financial control methods of Bankrupture, Pecuniantics,
Laundromatics, Argentility, IRSquirelativity, BookEePing,
Specululation, Looopwoormhooling, Multiflation, taRentular Xtorture,
Njils-Eodentritics, Poxonomy, DepRivulation, Zlotyranny,
Stakhanovitality, Forgniding, Cashtigation, Quidiotics, Wage Surfing,
Dolerousness, Bloatension, Marking Oops, Bunglery, Skimballing,
Trampollination, Winnerian Conditioning, Wongathering, Dimvisibility,
Clicentiousness, No-Count Purges, Billed Patholojamming,
Whimtolerance, Overput Masques, Foecursed Spleengineering,
Pennyspending, Daylight Bobbery, SubWalletting, Randomania,
Evicturation, Spitendering, Cheque Blanking, Brokedowns, Illustre
Chases, Jugglinks, Yentropy Yeneration, Banking On It, Roublette,
Eugenic Accounting, Spivontology, Trillitropics, Rattitude, Cowriemann
Hapothesis, Investigality, Groatality Attunement, Audit Auditioning,
Shennanigarrulousness, Buck Trending, Maffic Resonance, Stockpeeing,
Bullwhipping Out, Staggerontics, Brassmucking, Fickleptorture,
Miserum Drops, Zonking Rites, EZ-PZ-Pudenpiracy, Pyramidal Celling,
Bundance Reiteration, Auctironization, Grimblether, Pinkmail Junkets,
Advertumnesence, Rakehello Contracts, Protaxxidents, Hornswiggling,
Econoseizure, Funder Mentalism, Heelongation, Narcistem Closure,
Penurination, Yuppsychosis, Fissurance, Lone Sharking, Mammonitoring,
Capittance Resistance, Rockefellation, Empireality, Dobbsaturation,
Calculamity Proceedsures, Doubletiquette, Festoon Interest,
Parsimulation, Binvestment, Flogypsy Madders, Shundreds, Liptrololly,
Baroque Pingothics, Doughting Amass, Moolather Rubbing, Florinky
Dinking, Drachmalice, Avaricenine, Emolumentation Therapy, Prick
Procketing, Boon Docking, Wad Yoga, Elder Penzion Protobols and Other
Sundries will TRANSFORM your financial situation, generating UNDREAMED
OF wealth.

>My dad used to fish a lot (now he's too old). Is the word "slack" a
>vague reference to its useage in fishing? IOW, everyone has been
>"baited" and "hooked", and they have only so long before they're "reeled
>in", skinned, gutted and baked, grilled, or otherwise fried? (reference
>to "hell"?) (Is the acquisition of slack somehow analagous to prolonging
>one's life?)

Actually, the REAL purpose of slack is to allow you to AVOID the
"psychic hooks" dropped around us by the horrendous Z-ist Brain
Hackers: LIVING ABSTRACTIONS that incessantly tamper with the
structure of explanation itself, making REASONS, THEORIES, and
EXPLANATIONS shift incessantly, becoming half-animated self-sustaining
structures that redesign themselves by EATING YOUR HEAD. Like NEWS, an
artificially generated pattern of pseudo-events, the contents of which
often revolve around the uncertainty of their own contents, being
based on speculations about speculations, rumours about rumours, the
"hooks" of the Z-ist hackers catch people by making them try to WORK

>(taking the analogy further...)
>....And you folks are just hoping the powers that be (aka The
>Establishment, The Man, Big Brother, etc) will show some pity and give
>you a break from all your hardships, trials, and tribulations? And who
>the hell is this "Bob"? Is he the "fisherman" who will cut you some
>slack? or perhaps the game warden? Or the aminal rights activist? (I'd
>assume that included fish rights too).

"Bob" is nothing but a guy with a pipe and a grin. A PIPE AND A
GRIN. It sounds so simple when it's put that way, doesn't it? Yet that
sentence contains the germ of comedy, of tragedy, of all the vast
seething implications that are embodied by "Bob". He's a temporary,
disposable saviour...

If you want the REAL TRUTH here, and I think we can talk freely for
once, "Bob" is actually a baroquely structured SYMBOL. A
disgustingly puerile conception of the perfect human being with
wealth, luck and untrammelled sex appeal... I mean, is that CHILDISH,
or what?

>Am I right? Would you admit it?

Yes. No.

>Give me some good answers and I'll grace every last one of you with my
>occasional presence on your little newsgroup. I'll read some of your
>articles. and Perhaps I'll laugh. XOXO

How generous.

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