Plastic Model Kit: J.R."Bob" Dobbs

1:8 scale

by Paul Mavrides

Long, long ago, during the Years of Trouble, when all the Northern Fathers still slept under the glaciers, there lived the being we now know as J. R. "Bob" Dobbs.

This man, Dobbs, was chosen by JVHH-1 for the Primary Communionications from our alien benefactors. As "Bob" moved through the stars, he changed the face of them. His ten-billion Quasimodalities now vibrate in each of us, and have transformated him into the ETERNAL INCARNATION OF SLACK.

From Dobbs came the UnReasoned Utterances which will remain forever unerasable. His brave experimentation with Excremeditation and Fornicationalism, using all Humankind as his test flock, resulted in the rule of the SubGenius for the next twelve thousand years.

During his Span, disaster followed Dobbs, resulting in the outright obliteration of his physical vessel. Only by careful, Church-supervised studies can we now have our first look at The Dobbshell. Here is the approved Religiofficial Bioreconstructoid, perfect in every detail: Our Salesman.

His skull is shaped a bit differently than is ours today. It is somewhat flattened in the rear and bulges over the brow. His brain was well devolved. Some theocraticians think that Dobbs did not speak at all, or that if he did, he did not have what we would call a language.

He wears The Suit. His hands and feet are like ours. He was left-handed. The Briefcase he holds sent the signals that launched the Rockets of Cleansing, the blessed vehicles of our birth.

He stands here in the wreckage of Earth, his native planet.

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