by Popess Lilith Von Fraumench
--a fragment found scrawled in eyeliner on the wall of a bathroom stall in Jerusalem II, Heaven 17, around the year 30947 A.X., and transcribed from the Akashic Records.
YEEYEEYEEYEE! I am the Yeti Hermes, fucker!! I wear 36-inch heels and I paint my toenails with the Blood of the Fucking Lamb!!! I gave Tula her first beauty lesson and I showed Wendy Carlos how to play my organ! I got a dick for every hole -- all six dozen! When I walk into the room, everybody wants to chomp my pubic hairs! I put the MOAN into "hormone", bitch, don't dare fuck with me! PeeDog and I took turns on top and I made him slurp up the mess! For I am the Sex Goddess Bitch STUD from the 10th Bardo, just try to keep "up" with me! My meatsword has its own fleshy scabbard, baybee -- REAL close to home! I'm man enough to be God, and we all know that She is a cunt!!! I fart with CHARM, motherfucker! I burned my bra and the damn breast forms with it! My knockers KNOCK LOUDLY, and I got a throbbing member that DISmembers! Wotan turned into a Prairie Squid to rape me... HIS MISTAKE!!! I wear lead-lined lingerie under my see-through kimono! I seined Cthuhlu from the Mariana Trench using my fishnet stockings -- AND I DIDN'T TAKE THEM OFF FIRST! My sex chromosone is XXX! I threw in a couple of Ys for variety! I get PMS for laughs, it feels good feeling that bitchy, it makes my balls itch! I scoop smegma from my clit hood and feed it to the Archangels! They can't make a jockstrap big enough, strong enough, or pretty enough for my Holy Scepter, you best believe it! I took the Infra-Red Woman of the SubGenius to bed and made a MAN out of her! I don't wax my facial hair off, I use kerosene and a matchstick, hon! Gender dysphoric? God damn, I am gender EUphoric!!! I had a threesome with the Dobbses... "Connie" suckled my UPPER half and "Bob" hoovered my LOWER HALF! WAAAAAHOO!! NheeGhee is my gaff, he tucks in my bulge with tender loving care! Talk shows, MY ASS! I'm fucking syndicated! I'm crazier than Dr. Frankenfurter and funnier than Pat Riley -- and I taste better than both of them! Even with mustard!!! I'm a lewd spectacle of wanton depravity, I AM A VISION OF MACHO FEMININITY, eunuchs get hard over me! They mistook me for a virgin in Guadalupe and I rained manna on them from my nether bits! Drag queens PRAY to me! They beg me not to kill them! The feminists banned me for being too ladylike, and the Men's Movement is afraid I'll make them look like wimps! I tear planets asunder without chipping a nail! Who'll stain their skin with my lipstick? Who'll put a leash on this he-bitch?? I DARE YOU to figure me out! My genitals are modular, my crotches swap out in a snap! Hot damn! I am the Yin-Yang made flesh and knocking at your door, Pink "Boy"! Joan of Arc is my bodyguard, she takes real good care of me! I say, FUCK pills, I drink raw piss straight from pregnant mares for my estrogen, and I spit the dross in the Devil's eye! I am the reason Jesus had long hair and wore robes, and I sheared His head to make my panties! I entered Milton Berle in a wet t-shirt contest and walked away with the prize money! I did burlesque with Oderus Urungus! We stripped PAST the skin, sugar! AIEEEE! Lampblack is my foundation and I use ground scabs for my blush! Eris is my Godfather, better duck when I strut! I stuff tomatoes and peppers past my labia and churn salsa out my pisshose! When they ask me what's my sex I scream in their crusty faces, "I AM ALL SEX, ASSHOLE!!" I am the envy of bulldykes, the dick that slaps MY thighs is a God unto myself, when I masturbate, people mistake me for Shiva and Kali bumping ugly! My soprano pierces the ears of DOGS, and my basso shakes skyscrapers in San Francisco! I get my perfume from the musk glands of a wolverine, while it's alive and clawing! Teenage boys cream 23 times in one go when I coo on the phone! I told P. T. Barnum I'd never be in his freak show, and he gave me a cool million out of relief!! Treat me like a lady, or just fucking KILL ME!!!!! I'll be dancing with Nunu light-years from the earth when the Conspiracy gets its genderfuck! They'll never even touch the hem of my skirt! Now move from that mirror before I....