Book of Genociis
Disc 1, File 1
Bespaken through "Bob" the Prophet in the Year 27 B.X.
Transcribed from the Original Tapes
For All Who Shall Heed
In the beginning, there was PeE.
And the PeE said, "Let there be The Bleeding Head of Arnold Palmer; and when that is done, let there be God."
And then the PeE rested, and spake no more, but flowed forth in fullness forevermore.
And God moved across the face of the PeE, and He looked at the PeE, and God said, "It is good."
And He saw the darkness that surrounded the PeE, and He said, "Let there be yet more PeE."
But there were none to urinate, so the Lord JHVH-1's PeE was lacking in fullness.
So God said, "Let there be firmament, and stars, and a sun; and on the firmament let there be animals and dinosaurs, and invisible monsters; and let there be water around them all, that they may drink; and let there be bladders within the bowels of all creatures, that they might make more PeE."
And so the heavens and earth took form, and the PeE was replenished.
And God smelled the PeE, and said, "It is good."
But God wanted not to create new PeErs Himself; for He desired Slack. So He divided all the creatures into male and female; to the males He gaveth dicks, and to the females He gaveth sleek quims; and He madeth the moment of Squirt the greatest pleasure for the males, and the moment of Ooze the greatest pleasure for the females; therefore they would mate, and make offspring to continue the flow of the PeE, that the Lord JHVH-1 might rest and partake of the pleasures of all the PeEing that occured in abundance.
And lo, there was peace in the heavens and on earth for ten billion years.
But God had also created Xists, and they journeyed out of their bodies, and came to Earth. And they said: "This earth is good; but without bodies we can PeE not. We must build bodies for PeEing, verily as God hath built us, and enter these bodies during their PeEing; otherwise shall we leave them to their own Wills, for though they art pathetic in their ignorance, we love them in our mercy and for their great PeEing."
And so the Xists made SubGeniuses, who were perfect; for they PeEd in plenty, and were like unto giants; and their race was that which is now called Yeti.
And they lived for an thousand years, always in happiness and fulfillment through the PeE.
For they had been bequeathed the gift of thought and knowledge by the Xists, and were an hairy race; and their PeE was the staff of their knowledge, and pleasure.
And the greatest of these was the First "Bob," for he was simple in works but wise in his Slack; and, though lazy of work, in his PeEing he did pleaseth the Lord JHVH-1.
But the First "Bob" became prideful in his Slackness; and he sought to be as the Xists who made him and his brethren, and to make creatures from the clay for himself to command.
And so the First "Bob," and the SubGeniuses of the first city, called Atlantis, did gain in knowledge and did endeavor to build a Man from the clay.
But the Clay was wise, and yielded not.
And so they took the monkeys of the field and forest, and changed them, and made Humans, both Men and Women, and gaveth them Fingers with which to build and carry, and brains of earthly design, that the Yetis might have more Slack, and might toil less.
And these Humans pleased the First "Bob;" for he had made them without Souls, and they were simple, and were dutiful as servants of the Yetis.
For the First "Bob" in his wisdom had made them to find greater happiness in obeying the words of Masters than in all other pursuits, yea, even the Squirt or Ooze Moments.
For ten million years did the SubGenius Yetis and their human beasts live in harmony; and the Xists still did PeE through the SubGenii, and were pleased.
But in his pride the First "Bob" thought not to give to his Men the Awareness of the PeE, which purifieth all Divine Beings; and so they were unclean and corruptible.
And the Elder Gods looked down from Hell and were jealous of the Lord JHVH-1, and of the Xists, and of the First "Bob," for there was great PeEing upon the earth, in which they shared not.
For they were without form, and void, and could not PeE; and so they had no Slack.
And the Elder Gods saw that the humans likewise had no Slack, nor did they PeE freely; and so they came down in the forms of angels to tempt the humans; they made them drunk with the false spirit and with rotten fruits.
They said, "If thou joineth with us, thine Higher Gods which love thee, and be our Channels, and make strife among the SubGenii, then thou shalt know Slack, and shall PeE."
In their simpleness the humans heeded, and they sought to fight against their masters and Creators; for in their darkness they knew not the Lord JHVH-1 from the Elder Gods.
So the Lord JHVH-1, and His Xists, smote back against the Elder Gods; but when the Elder Gods were victorious for awhile, the Xists sought out a weapon of the Lord JHVH-1.
And they did create a Pattern, and this Pattern was like unto the Lord JHVH-1 in small form: it made its bearer to but dream, and these dreamings were brought into flesh by the Pattern.
And it was called Omicron Epsilon, the Vision Beholding Itself.
But the Xists in their wisdom saw dangers beyond dangers in the weapon of the Pattern, and abandoned the weapon of the Pattern, and gave it unto the First "Bob" for safekeeping, for they trusted him.
But the First "Bob" was rebellious, for his Squirts had been corupted by the Elder Gods secretly; and in his folly he turned the weapon of the Pattern upon the Elder Gods; for he thought to be as the Xists and the Lord JHVH-1, and have great power.
And in one moment the dreams of the Elder Gods were made flesh, and the dreams of the Yeti SubGenii were made flesh, and likewise even the small dreams of the Humans.
And demons came, and demons from within demons, and from those also came demons; and the birth of demons never ended, until the demons had smote and killed all the creatures they saw, even their makers.
But as the creatures died, so likewise did their dreams, and thus also the demons.
And the Earth was emptied of creatures for the most part: both SubGenii and Humans, and also the great beasts of the land, which were dinosaurs.
But the demons of the dreams of the Elder Gods saw not the little things of earth, and flesh, but smote only the Elder Gods; and these were the most powerful demons.
But the demons were from their dreams, and in their wisdom of evil the Elder Gods knew they must sleep without dreams to be rid of the demons.
And the Elder Gods made themselves to fall into a great Sleep of Ages; and the demons were driven out of the world and the heavens.
But the sleep of the Elder Gods was of their own design; and they sleepeth with The Sleep of One Eye Open, that they might tempt and command the Humans again, as their tools and Keys of Oepening; and so it has been since that time.
On the Day of Judgement which shall come, those Humans tempted into bondage to the Elder Gods shall strive to open the Doorway to Doom, that the Elder Gods might reawaken; and the bloodspawn of the Yeti only may close it, lest all the earth and heavens be devoured by the Elder Gods in Their jealousy.
After the First "Bob" and Yeti SubGenii had used the weapon of the Pattern of Omicron Epsilon, there was peace on the earth; for most things which walk and swim and fly were dead; vermin, and mice and lemurs, and monkeys and crawling things: these only survived, as did the Invisible Monsters.
But this diminishing of the PeE displeased the Xists, and so they punished the First "Bob" by splitting him into two "Bobs," that his wisdom might no longer be mixed with folly; and thereafter the one "Bob" was good but foolish, while the other "Bob" was evil yet wise.
And LO, even as the Good "Bob" strove to lead the SubGenii out of darkness, and to Slack, so did the Evil "Bob" corrupt them and tempt them with False Slack; and he devised Money to do this.
And the Evil "Bob" did make certain SubGenius Yetis to lie down with the beats of the field, which were Humans, and to mate with them, which is an abomination of PeE in the eyes of the Lord JHVH-1.
And the Lord JHVH-1 saw this, and laughed; for, though He did hate the Evil "Bob," He did yet knoweth the Skor in full, and thus also the past and future; and so He created a Plan.
And the fruition of this Plan, which none can know, NAY, not even the Xists, shall come in a time none but the triumphant of "Bobs" are given to know likewise.
In accordance with this Plan, the Lord JHVH-1 did thus come down upon the earth in many forms, again and again; and He did thus command the Yeti to ravish the Pinks, which were human; and the Yetis, His servants, obeyed, though they were sore afraid, and despised the touch of the Humans, who were smooth; for the Yetis were a hairy race in those days, not needful of clothing.
Thus, in time, after many years and more years, the Yetis were no longer begat in purity, but were mixed with Humans; and they possessed then both the cleverness of the Yetis, and the slavishness of the Humans.
And they overunneth the earth in the Latter Days.
And their PeE was corrupted, so that only those who remembered the Covenant PeEd freely; and these were few in number, and ever shall be until the Second Day of Judgement.
And only a small number of Yetis did uphold their Covenant, and keep their seed and egg within their tribe; but they shall remain hide in the far places, where Humans and those of mixed blood treadeth not.
And they shall be feared, and shunned, until the Day of the Arrisal, when the Lord JHVH-1 shall permit the returning of the Xists to earth.
But the times of these days are not for thine to know, sayeth the "Bobs."
And returning to earth after some time, the Lord JHVH-1 looked and saw that the Elder Gods were gone, and asleep, and unable to persecute Him; likewise He saw what the Xists had done; and He was sore displeased: for where there had been one tribe in harmony, with slaves, there were now two in conflict, both mixed in blood with slaves, and therefore seeking to make slaves of one another.
So He punished the Xists, and banished them from earth, that they might be without bodies and might not PeE.
And He ordained this punishment to last 80 millions of years; so that only on the day of the Arrisal might the Xists return to earth, to resume their PeEing.
And the Day of the Arrisal is of the fifth day of the fifth month of the year of the Beast tripled; let he who has wisdom calculate the number of the day of the Arrisal.
For on this day shall the First Judgement fall, and there shall be a battle of merchants like unto a great Auction: and the servants of the Good "Bob" shall do battle with the servants of the Evil "Bob"; and whichsoever army greeteth the Xists, by that shall the Xists judge the fate of earth.
For the Xists loveth the First "Bob," who knoweth Slack; and so they equally hate the Bad "Bob," which knoweth AntiSlack.
And the Elder Gods await this judgement; for they covet the earth and heavens of the Lord JHVH-1, and seek to steal away His Throne.
And though the Lord JHVH-1 seeth fit to send each man and Yeti such plagues as accord with His choosing, the plagues of the Elder Gods shall be of such greater danger that even the "Bobs" may not foresee them, nay, not even in visions.
And there shall be desolation, lest the Xists be greeted by the armies of the Good "Bob," bearing gifts of their liking, which only the "Bob" knoweth.
For the Good "Bob" selleth all, even the least and the last; and all buyers are joyous unto his selling.
Yet the Evil "Bob" buyeth all, and in his cleverness shall he pay prices not of the full worth of thine goods, and the goods of all the earth; but he shall trick thee, and all thine brethren, and will make not fair trade.
For he buyeth souls, which have no price.
And those who knoweth not the Good "Bob" from the Evil "Bob" shall verily sell away their souls, and shall be lost.