They can feed a third world country for a month on the pus from my zits! Andrea Dworkin stood in line to beg to give me a rim-job! I'm cable ready! I have creative licence to kill! I invented the simulcast and fed the networks three separate angles of the crack of my ass! The stars are naught but cumwads shaken against the sky that I didn't bother to lick from my palms! My navel is a MIDI port! I sold my mother into slavery! I circumcised my father and ate the sleeve! I piss in phonebooths while making collect calls! I cooked the bloody rag of the Virgin Mary into an omlette and served it to the Apostles. God is my co-pilot and we're flyin' straight for the moist nether region of Amelia Erhart!! I give assholes to inanimate objects just for the pleasure of sodomizing them! I was the first man to get AIDS from an African Green Monkey and laugh it out of my system! I tought G. Gordon Liddy how to lie! I am wanted in 51 states of conciousness! I have an autographed copy of the Bible! I dropped acid with Buddah and had to talk him down! I shoot meter maids! I gave the President skin cancer. I taught Nancy all she knows about Anorexia. I just say YES! Brooke Shields turned tricks to finance my way through college! Fuck me if you can't take a joke! I fuck myself so good I tip myself for a hand-job! I drive the cars of dead relatives! I am a lesbian in a man's body!

I get drunk and shoot cum into my third eye! I am the cause of spontanious combustion! I may be white and bright but I have a black dick! I sing the blues! I can clean a whole cat box without having to take a breath! I'm a rum runner, and a gun runner, and a gum chewer! I am the fifth dentist! God tests his material on me before taking it to the stage! I sold the trademark on hell for coke money! I am the eye of the hurricane! My Grandmother taught me how to French Kiss! I am the one who never leaves a message on your answering machine! I say Fuck the Dogma! I say kill the High Priests! I say "Bob" helps those who kills themselves! J. Edgar Hoover thought he was the Anti-Christ. Look at the Name: J. Edgar Hoover....

J E Hoover.... Jehoover.... The head of the conspiracy that dare not speak his Own Name!!! I say fuck the false Prophets! I only want true Profits! And if you won't I'll fuck them myself! Praise "Bob!" I'll kill myself before I see this become just another article in People Magazine, and I'll kill you right after that just to show you I was'nt fooling! I am a party animal! My ancestors brought the first keg to the Donner Party! Fucked being a vegetarian just to stay alive....

Praise "Bob," It's great to be a SubGenius.

Joe Paulino

Swami G of Karmarama, the discount Church of Enlightenment.