There is a fountain filled with spunk

drawn from Jehovah-1's balls

And Pink Boys plunged beneath that junk

can destroy or purchase shopping malls.

I shall believe, I do believe that J.R. lied for me

that through his Pipe blow 'Frop-smoke rings

through Slack to set me free.

by Lazer Davidovich




I am Normal!

I Work for a Living!

I Have an I.Q.!

I Pay Mortgages!

I Have 2.7 Children!

I am Married!

I Drive a Two-Year-Old Car!

I Eat Food!

I Read Newspapers!

I Watch TV!

I Sleep!

I am Sane!


by Rev. Andrew Tuttle



Oh Head of the Grin, we call thee!

Oh Face of the Pipe, we call thee!

From deep in the Land of the Lotus, we call thee!


In the name of the Master, JEHOVAH-1, we call thee!

In the name of the Master, ODIN-PRIME, we call thee!

In the name of the Goddess, ISIS-ERIS, we call thee!

Come before us, SlackMaster of Time!

Come before us, PipeBearer of Life!

The End Times are now!

The Stark Fist stands ready!

Ready to Smite!

Smite! In the name of the Lord!

Oh DobbsHead, hear us now:

(the ConGregation is invited to brag, rant, spew and throw money)

He who is the substance of style, and the style of substance, walks among us and so He shall for all time to come!

Praise Dobbs!

by Rev. Andrew Tuttle


Martin Heidegger in Being and Time (1926) had this to say about "Bob":

""Bob" is an entity which does not just occur among other entities. Rather, "Bob" is ontically distinguished by the fact that, in his very Being, that Being is an issue for it. But in that case, this is a constitutive state of "Bob's" Being, and this implies that "Bob," in his Being, has a relationship towards that Being -- a relationship which is itself one of Being. This means further that there is some way in which "Bob" understands himself in his Being, and that to some degree does so implicitly. It is peculiar to this entity that with and through its Being, this Being is disclosed to it. Understanding of the Being is itself a definite characteristic of "Bob's" Being. "Bob" is ontically distinctive in that he is ontological."

With portents like these, can there be any doubt that the Apocalypse can be far behind?


We wait on the verge of an occurence --

Hell, we might as well say

"Bob" and be done with it.

Thomas Quale

The O In "BOB"


Frequently people ask me, "What is the significance of the 'O' in "Bob"? OverMan?" Sure. Without the 'O', "Bob" is just a bb. How about, "'O' is the Eye through which "Bob" sees you?" Probably not.

The real significance of the 'O' in "Bob" is that it stands for the Big 'O', the final mushroom orgasm, the party we're all invited to, the climax of the human race. Just remember: "Bob" spelled inside out is "oboe," which is an ill wind no-one blows good.

Mike "Bob" Christensen




Pick any 4-digit numbers. Assemble appropriate phrases. Spew.

1) The awesome power

2) The unspeakable PeE-Gospel

3) The mind-blasting prophecy

4) The cosmic joke

5) Any Xist intervention with the Conspiracy

6) The demonic UFO fleet

7) Any fragments of the Truth

8) The concept of "Slack"

9) The absolute stupidity

10) The entity called "Bob"

1) of Jehovah-1

2) wielded by Nhee Ghee

3) claimed by "Pink Boys"

4) masquerading as a manifestation of sexhurt

5) possessed by The Fightin' Jesus

6) used to control the earth

7) of a million False Prophets

8) known to Emergentiles and Rewardians alike

9) in the bowels of the Aesir

10) seen once a Millenium

1) can perhaps be

2) must without question be

3) can be "sold" to humanity if it is

4) evolves until it is manipulated by the Con and can alter your soul so that you are yet

5) cannot possibly ever be

6) fucks that which can be, figuratively, 'smoked in "Bob's" Pipe' until it is

7) is cursed to be eternally

8) was implanted in our minds only to be

9) could have triumphed had it not been

10) is 'of "Bob"' only if it is

1) grossly underestimated and over-priced.

2) part of the Conspiracy.

3) of utmost concern to the fate of the planet.

4) put out of its misery.

5) examined and exorcised from this so-called 'reality.'

6) driven into the ground.

7) recreated purely by 'chance,' thenceforth probably to be eaten by rats in Hell.

8) discounted as hallucination.

9) diagnosed by "DoktorS."

10) loved, yet judged and found wanting, by "Bob."

Imparted to Dr. Armand Gideon, 1st Church of "Bob," Scientist and further wrangled by Rev. Ivan Stang, 1st MegaFisTemple Lodge

There are indeed a large number of potential candidates for the Twins' identities. Only one seems slightly more likely than the others. Hidden deep in the Chart of Time on page 135 of The Book of the SubGenius, "Bob" and "The Other "Bob"" are refered to as "The Twins." Since we are given no definite clue as to the identity of "The Other "Bob"," a shadow of doubt is thrown even on this prospect. We may not know the Twins' identities for certain until such time as "Bob" uses the Scissors during the largely unexplained Omicron Epsilon event, "when all hallucinations are externalized". Should your organization discover any evidence of the Twins we would appreciate your sending this information to us, that we may forward it to BulldaDa Time Control Labs for verification, storage, and, probably, dismissal.

* Editor's Note: Since this article was penned, more concrete information on the elusive Scissors of Sight have been revealed to certain of us. However, we must not divulge it until the appointed time, that being the day a major publisher signs a generous contract with us for a prophetic novel or screenplay about the events after X-Day. A hint: the Scissors allow the user to distinguish between the Omicron Epsilon hallucinations and "reality," and to discern the sources of the individual hallucinations. Needless to say, such an ability will be absolutely crucial in making the Time Intersection happen in our favor during those terrible Last Days.


We sought an Apocalypse of "Bob"

or an apotheosis.

We sought the ancient grimoires,

spell books of crumbled wizards,

mystery chants of long-forgotten people,

symbols of moss and sticks,

and all the paramental paraphernalia

of the alchemist.

We read the works of Paracelsus,

Cornelius Agrippa,

Saint-Germain, Cagliostro,

Aleister Crowley,

and, of course,

the work of the thrice-blessed

Hermes Trismagistus,

Arch-magi of the Arch-magi.

With all this we forged a song of power,

a dream to bring a new "Bob,"

a delerius shape

with which to rebuild the world.

Beware, California!

What rough shape comes your way?

He strides across America,

shaking storms as he comes.

His brow creases the sky,

and he stumbles only slightly

over the Grand Canyon.

He shakes the earth!

He grinds mountains to powder!

He is our new power!

He is our mad dream!

Beware, California!

This is the true "Bob"!

This is "Bob" Prime!

This is the Apocalypse.

Peter Larsen