-- The Sheep Factor In America

A New Anti-Conspiracy Hate Rant

Copyright 1985 by Janor Hypercleats

Have you ever noticed the fact that loitering is illegal? Not just in stores and restaurants, but even so-called "public" sidewalks, streets, "wherever," you've got to "keep moving." For that matter, you can get thrown in jail for "vagrancy": the inability to produce a driver's license or money! We are therefore not legal "life forms" without pieces of paper and cloth surrounding our bodies or at least covering up the "obscene" portions of our bodies. The only place you can "legally" "not move" is in your own home -- and you have to pay to be there! You not only have to pay for the right to shelter, but also for your utilities; now we even have to pay for our Con-programming tele-screens. Orwell wasn't too far wrong -- "they" can now listen to your home through your telephone without it even being off the hook! Satellites can look down on the street and know what's going on -- anywhere!

All drugs such as pot and acid which increase awareness are illegal; in fact, all "fun" drugs are illegal -- the FDA has no classification for recreational drugs! The only legal drug is alcohol -- because it makes you stupid! Oh, sure, you can get all sorts of reality-numbing tranquilizers from a shrink, but since their fees are exhorbitant these are reserved for the upper class. And as far as alcohol goes, the only place you can legally drink it is in your home. Anywhere else you can get busted for DWI or even "public drunkeness." In Arkansas you can now get your license taken away, ten days in jail, and a fine for as little as two beers!

I don't know about other states, but in Arkansas all forms of sex other than a married man and woman in the missionary position are illegal! All other forms -- unmarried couples, oral sex, homosexual acts, even doggy-style sex are classified "crimes against nature!" It is therefore the duty of SubGeniuses to create new forms of sexual perversion never before conceived!

Of course, it's obvious that all these things must be illegal for "their" system to work: no one is really going to feel like saluting a flag or dying for his country when he/she is on 2 hits of acid and just gotten laid! So here's what the Conspiracy version of a party boils down to: drive to the liquor store, no stopping on the way, go straight home, drink your bottle and maybe have sex with someone -- if you've made a lifelong commitment to that person!

And what must you do to have one of these "homes" in which you can legally exist? Oh, nothing much, merely spend the majority of your life working for them in some tedious, boring job. Then you might be able to pay your bills, if you've spent four to eight years subjecting your mind to Conspiracy programming, memorizing long textbooks and lists that have nothing to do with real life. And for most women the only options are to be poor or a status symbol fuck-machine for some rich man!

And what was your life before that? First you were in the womb -- possibly the only good deal going. The first thing to happen to you upon being born is that you were slapped on the ass... after that silver nitrate was dropped into your eyes, then your penis was mutilated if you're male. Have you ever noticed that babies spend most of their time crying and barely moving for weeks? That's because they've just had a nervous breakdown! That's you 'n me, pal! Natural birthing people say that their children are able to crawl around within a day or two!

About the time you're 6 the real destruction of your spirit begins. (That was in my day -- now they institutionalize you at 6 months!) Children are put into the totally unnatural position of wearing clothes, sitting in stationary postures for hours at a time, being beaten by teachers when "necessary," learning to read (the original alienation of reality into symbol forms). Elementary school teachers are usually assholes -- if not when they start out, a year or two later they will be -- why? -- because they have the hardest job in the whole society -- to take a wild animal and turn it into a manageable "slave unit."

Jr. High and High School continue in the same vein as the individual is sucked deeper and deeper into the symbol world of the spoken and written word, which he/she is now unable to distinguish from reality. Thus the institutionalized techno-society point of view becomes the only one available. This view is strictly enforced as individuals who "see" things differently are forced to wear glasses, and individuals who act differently are ostracized and beaten by their peers. Extreme cases of unique behavior are "rewarded" with pills, confinement, electro-shock, and in the case of true visionaries, lobotomies are sometimes used.

Meanwhile we're living in the era of the "Conservative backlash" as the few freedoms we achieved in the sixties and seventies are slowly being pushed back. The "Owners," extremely frightened by the sixties, began promoting "Happy Days" as far back as the seventies... in the eighties they've started us in with the "Preppie" and "Yuppie" handbooks, making it "in" to be square, rich and materialistic. The New Right marches against abortion and birth control, while overpopulation and suicide (especially among teenagers) continue to skyrocket. Billions are spent on military to defend a country no longer worth living in. Millions are now being spent to research the "Star Wars" weapons systems, thus propelling the arms race literally into outer space while funds for school lunches, legal aid, food stamps, housing etc. are being reduced.

And the horrible part is that most people dig it. Most people voted for Reagan.

So, back to the original point of the article -- why do they want us to keep moving so badly? Because they want you to be brought into it on some level -- even if where you're at is trying to destroy society... As long as you're into the trip in some way, there're enough techniques to make you a slave. Because if someone stopped -- even for a second -- he/she might start to have an independent thought. And if he/she had an independent thought they might be able to form a whole chain of independent thoughts -- they might be able to see through the whole thing! So what if they did? What if they were to contact others who saw through the whole thing and were able to form a sick, anti-conspiracy religion , whose members engaged in a moment-to-moment battle against normalcy and regimentation? It still wouldn't matter because they would be hopelessly outnumbered, right?

No! Because we are on the side of Slack, and Slack always exists. No matter how badly you try to repress something, Slack comes shootin' out the sides! Slack can never be totally eradicated because all things, even repression, originally arise from Slack. There are an infinite number of loopholes; every SubGenius has found some or he/she wouldn't be alive to be reading this article. Thus, just by being on the side of Slack, you've already won -- because it's more fun! I can have more fun in one Saturday night than Reagan can have in 10,000 years of oppressing countries, building nuclear bombs and amassing money at the expense of others!

Okay, quick, throw a turd into that punchbowl before we get busted. This article is too real -- we have to have some crazy stuff. How about:

Thus, DRS. FOR "BOB" is the truest expression of Slack on the planet and thus the only TRUE WAY to achieve freedom. The Head has been cracked, "Bob" has been shot, soon even Drs. for "Bob" and Ivan Stang will disappear from this plane FOR A REASON -- because the greatest tongues on earth must be used to orally stimulate the Giant Interstellar Dick-Pussy in preparation for THE BIG SQUIRT -- the Squirt which will free all of the universe into total and absolute Cosmic Slack Awareness forever. Or kill me. Amen.