HoS 447 and 448 -- LIFE rants

HoS 447

Brain Rot 137 open
Old HoS open
New open

New tapes, songs:
Kylse Kosup

Striving once again to overcome crappy equipment and the HEARTBREAK of the HUMILIATION of having to listen to a dozen so-called SubGeniuses telling me how they were gonna save the day by donating equipment and then never hearing from 'em again... actually if we HAD any money we'd be printing the Church magazine with it... we can survive with this gear we have... and not only SURVIVE, but TRIUMPH!!! YES!!! For we have the POWER and the EXCUSE of SLACK and "BOB"!!! We take NOTHING bending over but instead grab LIFE by the LAPELS and SCREAM HOARSELY INTO ITS UNCOMPREHENDING FACE!!!

Life, ah yes LIFE... one's attitudes toward that thing certainly change over the years.

As a kid, you have no philosophy except that you are God and deserve all Slack.
As a teen, realize you aren't gonna get the Slack and turn Hate Positive, yet still suffer the sad delusion that future generations might GET the Slack if only everybody would wise up like you have.

In your 20s, determined idealism on the job, changing to very slightly triumphant idealism in the job, turned to quick limiting of idealism because of the reality of jobs. Finally hit a dead end.

30s, building to an orgy of utter cynicism.
But that's a dead end too.

40s, (resigned) make the best of it.
I'm in my early 40s so I have to assume that there's a next stage that I don't know about and which cannot be explained to me by my slightly older friends like G. Gordon Gordon or Dr. Eklund. I would hope that it would be a more INSPIRED "make the best of it" philosophy, but how can I know since it is not percievable to me at my present step?

I am an agist in that respect -- not that I think age brings wisdom, but it does bring a certain resignedness that CAN lead either to clearer thinking -- more rational, & scientific -- or can lead to stultified fossilization of the brainpan and swift degeneration into senility, which is what I think USUALLY happens, in most cases. But then, in most cases, the average human being NEVER has much real awareness to work from in the first place, so it's a moot point. I'll be the first to admit I'm an elitist who thinks most people are dumber than me -- and the MOST HIDEOUS ASPECT OF THAT IS, I KNOW I'M NOT VERY SMART AT ALL!!! Think how dumb that makes THEM look!! Most of the time I cannot even comprehend how dumb and lazy people can be, and so they continue to surprise me. Again, it's not because I'm smart -- no, horribly, it's because they are even more lazy and stupid than I. And that's saying a LOT. A lot of BAD STUFF about my fellow bipeds. It's a shame, man. A cryin' shame.

intercut W/ Boingo: Never Change:

talk over music:

"Bob" got a mailing about how the conservative talk show host is endangered, so send them more money.

There are a LOT of these conservative money making machines -- or FAR RIGHT rather, they call far right conservative and middle of the road LIBERAL -- who are begging and getting donations from paranoids in order to FIGHT THE THREAT TO CONSERVATIVE TALK SHOW HOSTS from the LIBERAL CONTROLLED MEDIA. I hear about this threat all day long, morning noon and night, on far right talk shows and in conservative newspapers. Rush Limbaugh, G. Gordon Liddy, Morton Downey Jr., etc. etc... plus all the local ones... Come to think of it, I haven't heard ANY liberal biased talk show hosts on ANY of the liberal biased conspiracy media! I understand that Jim Hightower has such a show but, like this show, no station here in Dallas Texas is inclined to run such a show... might upset the fundmentalists that run the creationist science school board or something. Now you might say, OH COME ON Rev. Stang, look at these bleeding heart drippy shows like NIGHTLINE and MACNEIL LEHRER!!! And I have to say I'm afraid I've looked a little closer than YOU have, all that PBS NPR crap is FUNDED by the government, the most frequent single guest on those shows is HENRY KISSINGER and 75% of their guests are government or government associated spokesmen! Nothing to the left of AL GORE even EXISTS on the national media. How often do you hear about the libertarians or the greens on Pink media? Only on COMEDY shows. LIBERAL BIASED MEDIA. Hmph. Yeah, if you call WESTINGHOUSE STOCKHOLDERS, "LIBERALS." If you call REAGANITES "LIBERALS." If you call Whitewater, SILVERADO! If you call cheating on your wife, CONDUCTING SECRET WARS and MASSIVE DRUG SMUGGLING OPERATIONS!

Hell, Commies aren't scary enough any more. Now there's an anti-family pro-abortion eco-nut jew hippy queer negro arab LIBERAL under every bed. Thank god the far right doesn't even know the SubGeniuses EXIST or they'd have had us SECRETLY KILLED by now. For that matter, if the so-called LIBERALS knew about the Church, they'd have us killed too. AS WELL THEY SHOULD, seeing as how WE are the ONLY TRUE ENEMIES of BOTH!!! I'm telling you, friend, we're in BAD TROUBLE and will continue to be ROBBED OF SLACK as long as ANY POLITICIANS, VOTERS or for that matter ANY POLITICS AT ALL, REMAIN ON THIS PLANET! The humans are JUST TOO STUPID, JUST TOO EASILY SELF-CORRUPTED. The only government of ANY kind should be the dictatorship of "BOB" DOBBS ALONE. For only he cannot BE any more corrupt than he already is.

I'll tell you what kind of talk show host is endangered. CHURCH OF THE SUBGENIUS talk show hows. I realy hate to harp on the Church's financial problems but I have to or people will start thinking we're a DELIBERATE rip-off instead of INADVERTENT SLOWPOKES and UNBUSINESSLIKE SLACKHEADS, which is what we actually are.

SubGeniuses can know the Church in many different ways. Some have only seen our video and think the Church books it shows are all fictitious props. Some have only read the Book of the SubGenius and the others but don't know the radio shows exist. Some can't read at all, or are just utter skinflints, and so just tune in this show. All are exhorted to JOIN UP and become ordained, and SUBSCRIBE to the STARK FIST church newsletter. And every one of those is WONDERING just why they haven't SEEN a NEW one in 2 years. Well, it's 2 problems: TIME and MONEY. Time, because it took a year longer than we thought to finish our NEW HUGE 210 page book, REVELATION X, for Simon and Schuster, out in October, the greatest story EVER told... however, just the run-off from that effort provides us with literally enough material to fill 20 Stark Fist magazines. So where's the magazines? Well... we don't have a THIN DIME to print anything with. There are only about 4,000 SubGenii in the whole world who subscribe to that, only 4,000 who'll ride the Escape Vessels of the Sex Goddesses come X-Day 1998, and ... well let me put it this way. The last Stark Fist was a 130 page deluxe book size monster that put us $7,000 in debt. The plan was, people would see all the new sacred goods, the Bob t-shirts and boxer shorts and sacred coffeee mugs and the videos and Hour of Slack tapes, and actually ORDER some of that, and that would pay for the next FIST.

I'm afraid we were just a TAD OPTIMISTIC on that score. Plus the fact that we've never had the capital to advertise. It's really a humiliating situation for what's supposed to be a juggernaut of raw capitalism unleashed by the very GOD of SALES himself. But "Bob's" busy with other things, mysterious ways, and we're stuck with trying to fill his shoes and we FALL SHORT, my friend. Because we're not "BOB." We're GREAT SUBGENIUSES but the Church has no SMART BUSINESS MIND behind it. Either that, or "Bob's" Plan is so complex that the snowball simply doesn't get rolling until the last minute. Won't that be ironic -- after all these years, we finally get rich, but it happens only just before "Bob's" prophesy of X-Day is fulfilled and all human money becomes meaningless. Hmmph.


Regarding essence of SubGenius:

Anyway, between half killing the whole Church just to finish our giant new book, and all the SubGenius fans being MISERLY WRETCHES unwilling to part with a THIN THIN DIME for their own SHORT DURATION PERSONAL SAVIOR, BOB DOBBS, and mail fraud laws being what they are, why, I as Sacred Scribe of the SubGenius Foundation have found myself having to actually start LOOKING FOR A JOB. JUST in order to print the damn newsletter devoted to the hate of jobs and love of Dobbs!! WHO DEALT THIS MESS??

NOW do you see why I am able to HATE the CONSPIRACY with such a PURE and REFINED HATE??? A veritable JANORIAN HATE, a HATE SQUARED?? But that is how serious it is. I know, it would be laughable were it not so sad, the very idea of Rev. Ivan Stang, almost next guy under Dobbs himself in the Church, actually WORKING. But it's not as ridiculous as you might think. It is happening to other SubGenius ministers even as I speak. It happened to no less a buxotic beacon of Slack than the Rev. Susie the Floozie, former skin-shedding stripper for "Bob" and UberDominatrix of the Slack Matrix. And, like me, she used her SubGenius soapbox on the public airwaves of mighty WREK in Atlanta, GA to complain, bitch and gripe bitterly about the hideous unfairness of ANY SubGenius EVER having to do ANYTHING it doesn't want to do.


Yes, the HELL of WORK for any SubGenius... of course, you can't follow "Bob'S" directives and Repent, Quit & Slack off unless you have a job to quit from. The great NENSLO recently perfrom,ed that very ritual


More Boingo

Church Air quiz:
How many subsets of my mind do I have that wonder if I think things like this with subsets of my mind?

Oh well, it's not all bad news. There are some great SubGenius EVENTS coming up if you are lucky enough to live near any of these far-flung Slacksites and Cities of Shame. Firstly, coming up PORTLAND PILGRIMAGE, July 5, 1994 in Portland Oregon, at the Clinton Street Theater, on Clinton Street in Portland OR, (read Portland rant), send $1 to Box 86582 Portland OR 97286
DRAGON-CON, Atlanta Georgia, July 15-16, America's biggest sci fi convention this year, with yrs truly, the Swingin' Love Corpses, Rev. Susie the Floozy, Rev. Nanzi Regalia, Father Joe Mama? Janor? We'll be glad to annoint the WREK listeners there.... at the atlanta hilton... po box 47696, atlanta, 30362-0696, almost the # of the beast.
Starwood, july 21 TO 23, where we can annoint the WCSB listeners, big outdoor SubGenius devival, part of the Starwood festival of advanced shamnistic No Age rudeness and high tech ravistical dudeness, where you can also hear TERRENCE McKenna this time around... write for info from ACE, 1643 Lee Rd #9, Cleveland OH 44118 or call 216-932-5421

Funny stuff:

GET EVEN with your boss
Drink GLORP(TM) Whiskey

Don't You Deserve a Reward for Slaving All Day?
FUCK the Con
Drink GLORP(TM) Whiskey



Gulf War show:
America's Feeling Good
Iraqi campaign & Kossup s/t
Old HoS

The Gulf War. Operation Desert Storm. Old past history now, except for the guys missing body parts and cellular cohesion. Every time I think about that quote WAR unquote, I am EMBARRASSED. Yes, I'm embarrassed. Because as my wife reminded me, I was the one who wanted to put an American flag on my car antena. Oh, I was PULLED IN. I was a SUCKER. I was a flag-waving AMARKIN during that time. I felt like there must be something FISHY about it but I was so concerned about people getting KILLED, and because I am in fact pretty well tied in to the HIDEOUS FITFUL PULSE of our nation's waves of normals, that I FELL for the LINE. I almost HALFWAY BELIEVED THAT THE NEWS MEDIA WASN'T TOTALLY CONTROLLED, and because of that STUPID, UNFORGIVEABLE NAIVITY I actually thought there was some GOOD REASON to let the armed forces do what they do best. GOD what an idiot I was, and I am, believe me, DULY ASHAMED OF MYSELF for being such a DUPE of the LYNCH MOB FEVER that sweeps humanity. Because as much as I try to stay at one remove from the human race, I can't help but be part of it, to monitor it, to even become emotionally involved in it, to even... yes, it's true, even of Rev. Ivan Stang ... to TRUST that the MASS MEDIA wasn't LYING IN EVERY TINY DETAIL, LYING OUT OF EVERY PORE, and doing so for PURE AND SIMPLE LOVE OF PROFIT ABOVE ALL ELSE. Just like the government. The administration. The false front of the Conspiracy. Profit first and the end justifies the means. They HAD to die, they might have INTERFERED with our PLANS. It was for THEIR OWN GOOD. It was for a GOOD CAUSE. It's not OUR fault that they got in the way of our business practices. Every Iraqi death meant one third of a job for an American. That's the way they had you thinking.

Yep... I'm ashamed of myself because I've realized what a bandwagon-jumper I CAN be, given enough stirrings of the collective unconscious. Though I'm a professional antiestablishment rabble rouser, I'm no more immune to the waves of bloodlust and righteous fervor erupting from the national subconscious than is ol' Bubba pumpin' gas down there at the Exxon station. And that makes me SICK. Makes me realize what a self deluded hypocrite I am, or at least CAN BE. I'm not being one right NOW, of COURSE! But you know what I mean. It's a hideous truth that the most ornery hater of the Conspiracy can be ROPED IN by a smooth enough line combined with a RELENTLESS ENOUGH MEDIA TEASE. And by GOBBS they did that war up RIGHT, media-wise. Not like Vietnam. They learned their lesson. GE, the owners of NBC, realized that the war would go over much much better as an ARMS commercial, than as a body count. It was more like the super bowl. It was BEAUTIFULLY covered visually. Think how many young folks who were anti-war liberals gave the most of their talents working for CNN making that war look SWEET as a COKE COMMERCIAL. I'm not as guilty as they are but I might as well be... probably would have been had I been PAID... it's UTTERLY DISGUSTING to think about it.

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