At last, something you think is funny.
As you may know, Gary Bauer is the head of our favorite social policy group, the Family Research Council. This is the group that claims 48.4% of all downloads from "adult" commercial services are "child porn." The group is also preoccupied with homosexuality. Interestingly, Bauer himself has long been suspected of being gay, and the following essay claims that he is.
As a morealibertarian and sexual devo-ant myself, I don't care one way or the other, but I think that our friend Gary should come to terms with himself. Don't you?
P.S. Let me know if you're interested in long-distance savings...you can save a bundle! (Just kidding)
Gary Bauer - Homosexual?
NOTE: The following is presented as the opinion of the author, not as fact or as the opinion of "Tom Walls." I picked it up when I was at the Republican National Convention in San Diego, and thought it too uproariously funny to conceal from the rest of the world.
Gary Bauer, President of the Family Research Council, exhibits mannerisms characteristic of homosexual stereotypes. His effeminate ways betray a man yearning intimate contact with other men; no doubt men of sensitivity and intelligence like him. His actions in the public eye seem to affirm this.
Therefore, we may conclude that Gary Bauer might be a homosexual.
Surely, Bauer must relish the thought of being the escapist fantasy of gay male viewers of the
television programs he appears on. But it may not be necessary to "out" Gary Bauer; we can let him
speak for himself. His slight lisp must tantalize and evoke goosebumps to the legions of homosexual
men tuning in to his radio interviews and book "plugs."
My hunch is only reinforced by the fact that Bauer and his organization publicly disapprove of men
viewing pornographic pictures of women. After all, the ancient Greeks believed the highest form of
love could take place between two men. Recently, Bauer denounced certain pro-choice Republican
womens' groups that are supporting Bob Dole. Never let a woman get between two men.
Some gay men are diagnosed as pathological self-haters. If Bauer is gay, and suffers from such
self-imposed guilt, this may explain his anti-homosexual crusading with the FRC. The FRC actively
>From the "What is FRC's Response to the Homosexual Agenda?" FAQ June 1996:
FRC believes that homosexuality is unhealthy, immoral and destructive to individuals,
families and societies....(elopment, Bauer was appointed Under Secretary of the U.S. Department of Education in 1985. Interestingly, s equally desirable, that teach that any sexual behavior between consenting people is a human right, and that idealize homosexuality and
homosexual lifestyle. FRC also opposes attempts to make the adoption of children by
homosexuals an accepted practice.
The moral crusader, goody-two-shoes types most of us remember from school were often (if they
were boys) effeminate, highly critical of other students' behavior or taste and almost always teachers'
pets. Two particular classmates from my own school days, T.H. and D.A., turned out to be
practicing homosexuals by high schoool age. Bauer could have been said to fulfill the role of
"teacher's pet" in the Reagan Administration not only in general public policy but in education, first
joining the Department of Education in 1982. In addition to working as Assistant to President
Reagan for Policy Development and Director of the Office of Policy Development, Bauer was appointed Under Secretary of the U.S. Department of Education in 1985.
Interestingly, he was Chairman of the Working Group on School Discipline that delivered its report to the President in 1984. One must wonder if he enjoyed researching the spanking of little boys!
At the USIA Foreign Press Center, in Washington, DC on November 16, 1995, Bauer made some
cryptic statements about the politics of homosexuality to foreign journalists:
Mr.Jong Kim Pusan Daily News, Korea. "President Clinton put top priority right after his
inauguration on the gay-lesbian rights. How do you assess the priority given to that such minor
Mr. Bauer: "Yes. Well, I must say...I was quite happy when President Clinton began his
administration with that issue because that issue means a great deal to the gay and lesbian community..."
"On the other hand, the Republicans have to be careful, again, to not talk about that issue in a way
that sounds hateful or a way that sounds undemocratic, with a small "d," and that, too, is a challenge
Did Bauer mean he was glad Clinton pushed gays in the military because it would ultimately
unpopular or because it was personally important to him for someone to finally bring the issue out
into the open? Quite possibly, Bauer has a secret desire to dress in a military uniform. Remember
that Gary Bauer never served in the military; the military does not admit homosexuals. Bauer went on
to admonish fellow Republicans for sounding "hateful" and that it would be challenging for them not
to sound that way. Perhaps Bauer has suffered attacks from fellow Republicans for being sexually
Note that the logo for the Family Research Council is the Capitol Building, which resembles the head
of a penis. The FRC's web page on the internet includes a "hotlist" of links to the web page of the
Libertarian Party, a conservative group to which many gays belong as well as the "Promise
Keepers," which they describe as a "large men's movement" with a religious connection.
Back to document index
Original file name: Gary Bauer Expo
This file was converted with TextToHTML - (c) Logic n.v.