Yes: the Fighting Jesus Fists Family Values

By William Barwell (wbarwell@Starbase.NeoSoft.COM)

Mark 11:22-3

22 And Jesus answering saith unto them, Have Faith in God.
23 For verily I say unto you, That whosoever shall say unto this
mountain, be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea; and
shall not doubt in his heart, but shall believe that these
things he saith shall come to pass; he shall have whatsoever
he saith.

Well I certainly wish th' Bible was true 'n' all. I would have
whatsoever I wanted. Wouldn't waste time with castin' mountains into
th' sea and all. I'd just win me the lottery.

Unfortunately it ain't true and stuff. I keep asking them witness
people to show me how to work this part of the Bible, but they cain't do
it neither so who cares? I been looking for a good ol' fashioned
miracle workin' full faith church but all they offer me is snake
handling and some not real convincin' faith healin'.

So I thought, maybe if I found the richest church in town, maybe they
was it, but hell, the preacher was rich but most of the members drove
pickup trucks just like me. Oh they has a lot of rich members too, but
they got rich robbin' the other members with a fountain pen like all the
other rich bastards. No miracle there.

And I tried believin' in Mark 11:22-23 but it just don't work. I don't
know a single Xian who can move his frigging beer can across the kitchen
table in the name of Jezzzus much less throw a mountain into the sea as
Jesus said ya could. It's a fake. Jesus promised big, bad in yer face
type miracles but not a single Xian can do one as promised. Either Jesus
blew it out his ass in Mark 11-22-3 or some dumbshit anonymous gospel
writer blew it out his ass.

We need to print out these verses in big fancy letters on wall plaques
to hang on Xians' livingroom walls next to the black velvet Elvis
paintings sos they will be reminded of the fact it don't mean shit and
they should stop saying it does. All I ever get from 'em is lame
excuses as to why Mark 11:22-3 don't mean what it obviously does. Oh
they can twist them words all around and stuff, but it don't mean shit,
nobody can do jack even though Jesus promised you could do anything.
Ask the next Jehova's Witless that infests yer doorstep to show you a
miracle in th' name of Jesus and read 'em Mark 11:2-3. Don't expect

Pope Charles
SubGenius Pope Of Houston

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