Ex Dee Four from: twobeans@excite.com (Two Beans)

Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Mon, Jul 9, 2001 12:46 AM

Well, superkate dropped me off about two and a half hours ago. I must
say that this past week was the most Slackful week in my life. Thank
you to EVERYONE that was there.

I learned alot about...well....everything while I was in Brushwood.
I'm not gonna give out any details about my epiphanii, 'cuz I don't
wanna rob you folks that have yet to go to one of these gatherings of
the great feeling one gets when they can finally say "Yeah, I get it
now. I know the punchline."

Anyway, the whole week was great. Spent most of my time 'fropped to
the gills and/or feelin' the effects of alcohol. Connie was nice
enough to bless me (hail Connie!), and I got to meet up with a buncha
great folks that enlightened me so much with their company.

I sold every last one of my music CDs. $40 for the Church (incidently,
it turned out that I didn't bring enough cash with me to Brushwood, so
I had to spend the CD profits on getting me food or whatnot. But the
Sacred P.O. Box will be getting a forty dollar check from me soon). My
Quake 3 headmodels netted $8 at the Bulldada Auction.

I ranted on stage. In '98 I didn't have the courage to get up on stage
untill the last night of the event, but by then the audience was
nothing but a buncha drunken Bobbies so I chose not to grab the mic.
But this year I hopped on stage.....spoke a few words that were on my
mind (forgot a few things I wanted to say, but whatever. I think I did
good for my first time.) I ranted about how if I could just make it to
Brushwood once a year for the fest, then I would have all the Slack I

Then at the end of my rant, I burned my minister's card.

I don't want to leave this planet. I don't want the Xists to take me away from a globe where such a thing as last week is possible.

Xists, fuck off. Leave me here and I'll build my OWN damn Brushwood. I'll build my OWN damn spaceship, and I'll fly it to Brushwood every time the first week of July rolls around.

SubGenii, we don't need Pleasure Saucers when we can make our OWN pleasure PLANET!

I burned my ticket to ride, because I already HAVE a comfortable seat on the smothest vehicle of life.

Xists, DO NOT RUPTURE ME. I'm happy with the Slack I can get on my home planet.

I'm gonna get re-ordained soon. Just so I can get another card. I'll be there on 6:55am in Brushwood, sitting happily on one of those rocks just outside of the stage area, watching the non-sleeping SubGenii waiting to be ruptured....

...and I'll burn my new card with a smile.

I love this planet.

Two Beans


From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

> I love this planet.

Well, I wouldn't go THAT far, but I know what you mean... I have so
many cool things to do now right at HOME, that I was almost half not
WANTING to be Ruptured, and felt almost a sense of RELIEF when 7-5-01 7
am rolled around and not a god damn thing happened.

But isn't that kind of perverted or heretical, to appreciate the good
things in your life right now, instead of continuing to desire ALL of
EVERYTHING for that $30?

4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,


From: twobeans@excite.com (Two Beans)

Perverts and heretics? In this church?

Anyway, I got EVERYTHING I wanted at XD4 this year, and for $90 + all
the cool stuff I bought (Hell, I would'a payed more now that I think
about it). EVERYTHING I want can be found on Earth.

Oh sure, the Xists can give me more of EVERYTHING....but where's the
fun in that?

I'd rather craft....nay.....MOLD AND SCULPT AND CARVE the Earth to
provide EVERYTHING I want, EVERYWHERE I go, EVERYDAY of my existance.

If the Xists wanna help out that's cool, but my five-toed feet are
staying firmly planted on terra firma. Plus in space I can't see one
of those beautiful Brushwood sunsets unless its an IMAX-esque

And if you still don't think that a SubGenius-run earth is

....take a look at the sudden "boom" in mutant babies that will happen
in 9 months in the area of upstate NY.....

....and then think of how other cultures have conquered their enemies
in the past without shedding blood.

They simply outbred them.

MuTAnt BaBieS!

Two Beans

"There, the spark leaps to life. The Golden Age quivers on the brink
of creation. Live, my machine! Live my savior! You have my breath...
You have my dream, my dream."
-The Residents, "Failure / Reconstruction" from the album Mark of the

Back to document index