Of Loudness, Bribery & Slack (Lil's XD4 Report)

From: Lilith von Fraumench <lilith@ZubJenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Tue, Jul 10, 2001 12:27 PM

"HUNGH...!!!" That one syllable, all evocative of our wondrous
Squirting Universe, was my favorite this past XD4. For, surely this was
one of the most squirt-laden X-Day Drills we have yet to throw.

And how did we do it? By doing as little as possible!

OK, there was all the trouble with securing a sound system. That was
"work" in a sense, but that all happened BEFORE XD4, so I'm not
counting that. What I *am* counting is the fact that it all cost us
only $250--which we had more or less raised with the Loudness Fund.
(And, to repeat: PRAISE General Modemac, Rev. Bevo Youngblood, St. Al,
and the lovely Rev. Aunti Krist of SSUCC for their generous

I also count the fact that we were able to provide, in many ways, a
better sounding sound system than ever before that only occupied a tiny
bit of room on the stage. And it'll become clear why space is a factor
as I go on.... There was SO MUCH going on that every bit of stage room
proved to be VITAL, and oh-so-appreciated!

Finally, while the ACE guys running the gear were by no means
"professional", I don't believe any of the bands had complaints. If
anything, the quality of the gear alone meant that many SubGenius
musicians who have had to deal with the murkiness of many clubs' PA
systems, now had a chance to play a perfectly clear and clean show!

Audio-wise, I mean. Not "morally" or whatever you call it when some
dumbass thinks sex is bad.

Now, as for what had happened on that stage:

First off, the Bulldada Auction has suddenly become a true money-maker
for the Church! Not counting the $120 I bid--more later--we had raised
over $250 just by selling other people's unwanted weird junk. I'm still
not sure what's at cause here, but I'm certainly not going to complain.
Besides, I like being an auction barker! It's especially fun when
bidding wars start up, kinda like ping-pong but profitable. Sweet! Then
there's the bids I had made--mostly by accident, really!--on, of all
things, the very hair off of Phloighd's head and on a dream date with
the luscious Sister Decadence!

In keeping with our "inversion" of events--Rupture first, then party--
ESO actually went on Friday night. Aside from waiting for certain band
members to make it to Brushwood, Chas "Dances With Rockets" Smith had
graciously and magnanimously decided that he wanted to give the other
bands a shot at being rock stars. AND YET... Despite, or BECAUSE, of
his generosity, we were treated to the BEST GODDAMN ESO CONCERT EVER!!!
It was especially punctuated by ESO's new versions of the classic
songs, The Doors' "The End" and the Stones' "Sympathy For The Devil".
Naturally, these versions only bore a bit of a resemblance to the
original, especially with Lonesome Cowboy Dave talking back to Da
Debbil Hisself.

As usual, Stang decided to mount the stage and rant with ESO. This
time, his only note read, "Throw comic books out". This resulted in a
rather long, spirited, totally new, and UTTERLY FANTASTIC new rant on
what it means to try to deny your own weirdness. Specifically, YA
CAIN'T, DUMBASSES! I really hope the audio of that rant--and of the
whole stage experience--turns out....

Saturday night turned out to be the big night for bands. Bliss America
started out the evening's music and, despite their rock and roll image
from last X-Day, were TRULY BLISSFUL this time. The drummer had
eschewed the standard drum kit in favor of bongos and other hand drums,
which blended well with Carter LeBlanc's languid guitar playing and
singing and resulted in some deep psychedelic rock not unlike The Rain
Parade, only without violins.

Then there was the return of a much reduced Number Six, led by the
cutest of the Quijiboys, Mykal D'Archangel. I had originally planned to
use them as my backup band, but it didn't work out that way, mostly
because I found myself using most of my rant material the night before.
So they instead backed up the mighty Bodhisattva Troutwaxer as he
ranted on many subjects, including the dearth of Connieite material in
this Church. (To which I reply: When we get around to it! I'm too busy
having slack for a change to put up a Connieite webpage, damn it,
mumble grumble....)

This gave a great opportunity to follow up Troutwaxer with a rant that
I had been saving for the Shevival coming in early November. It was
very short and was ripped off from Jim Jones, but with a few changes
turned into a stirring affirmation of Connieite vigilance that had the
crows agog. Although I gave longer rants Friday night, that one
rantette was my, and the audience's, favorite by far.

Then, with Number Six still on the stage, Dr. Philo Drummond stepped up
onto the stage with his saxophone, joined by several other musicians
including Hellpope Huey and St. Al. ALL of them then proceeded to make
some truly blissful Wotaning, a true crowd- and gland-pleaser.

After about 45 minutes, the jamming stopped and the musicians cleared
the stage to make room for a single SubGenius musician, the great
Eurotrash engineer of sound and booty, Saint N. His techno was mighty,
as were the MiniTru dancers who writhed their way onto the stage for
his show. Accompanied by the gorgeous Hellena Handbasket, they
performed many instant SubGenius anthems, such as "Sister Connie" and
"The Ultimate Bobbie". Then the mighty Phloighd, his long locks shorn
off entirely and leaving him with a nearly totally bald head, climbed
onto the stage and gave a long, dense SubGenius rap that will require
multiple listenings to grok it all. But I did like the line he had
about hoping we recorded the rap so we could make sure every line
actually HAD rhymed. Jaws dropped, especially since he used NO NOTES AT
ALL during his performance! Then Armand Geddyn went up onstage and
ranted with a megaphone while Saint N played. That was pretty nifty in
its own right. Then Hellena sang the new Saint N "theme," "Saint N's
Discotheque", which had everyone dancing. All in all, Saint N provided
for a great performance.

And remarkably, every rant on stage both nights was GOOD! Nay, every
one was a masterpiece of inspirational Dobbsword that gave 'em ALL
what-for. I think a part of this is due to this year's encouragement of
bribery. All the Bobbies who were only concerned about their own slack
refused to offer up anything in exchange for their shot at SubGenius
ranter immortality, and so did not pollute our fair stage with their
sadly limited and restricted ideas of slack. Those who realized that
slack only grows as you share it, SHARED. I wanted for damned little.
Even when I half-jokingly asked for bribes of 35mm film and beer, I not
only got the roll of film, but a WHOLE DAMNED COOLER full of beer,
courtesy of Rev. SExmortis of the NYC clench FEDCOMS. So in turn I
shared all that beer with the audience, and SExmortis read a rather
blissfully violent SubGenius poem that had us all whooping at the end!
Bishop TwoBeans gave me a pack of cigarettes--which I also shared in
turn but largely smoked to soothe my nerves at key points--and HIS rant
was pretty damned good from what I recall! There was only one lad who
hadn't bribed his way on stage, and even HE, the young but empassioned
Rev. Alex, had a good rant to share! I'm sure he'll have some good
bribes once he's old enough to buy alcohol... provided we aren't all
Ruptured by then, Dobbs Unwilling.

But all this is mere TRIFLES, considering the most salient point about

While there were moments when I was clearly stressed and not in a mood
to deal with people--usually fixed by five minutes alone with a
froppipe--for the most part this was THE least stressful, the most
slackful and squirtful X-Day Drill I ever enjoyed! Going from camp to
camp, chatting with people I only get to see once a year and wished I
could see more often, damnit!... Fropping, not because it was THERE and
because I was frop-starved, but because there was so much of it that I
could easily frop ONLY when I felt like it! Now THAT was novel! More
THEM kind pils!

And more them kind pils what made an increasing number of people think
I had become a full-blown SEX GODDESS. It's not like I had unceasing
carnal pleasures--that could be Antislack in its own right--but I
certainly didn't find myself lacking in terms of pure flirtation and
titillation, and most importantly, I GOT OFF! And I now have a couple
of dates lined up, with fond memories of utter strangers and old
friends alike going, "WHOA... Can I get a picture of you?!?" The sex
rays alone were so intense there were a couple of moments when, from
the rear, I had been confused with Sister Decadence! It didn't last
long--she and I may both have dark, curly hair, pale skin, and a
penchant for gothy clothes; and I had learned how to get that WIGGLE
that is most important to any sex goddess' walking; but WOW. My head
would explode if I didn't realize that this is only the BEGINNING!

For this has been the year when, even before XD4, I had begun to learn
crucial lessons about myself, such as how to separate out love and sex.
More so, I had begun to take hormone shots which have greatly
accelerated the process of becoming more physically feminine. The end
result is that 2001 is the year I begun to DATE, something I never was
able to really enjoy before as a wretched and miserable guy. As a gal,
why, life is SO much happier, and it's been relatively easy to take
care of the remaining neuroses and hangups now that the gender issues
are being resolved.

Hence, it was INEVITABLE that I would enjoy more slack than ever
before. But I had NO IDEA just how MUCH slack I'd end up enjoying. And
now we wait for XD5, and I'm already excited. I will have been on
hormone shots for over a year by then, I'll be even more filled with
the slack I'm due, and surely THIS time we all shall be Ruptured. And I
simply can't wait.

So hello to all the SubGeniuses I got to meet and meat for the very
first time, and will hopefully get to know later on! Hello to the
wonderful Auntie Christian, Mistress Pisces, St. Marc (and those
gorgeous metal collars of his!), the darling Hellena Handbasket, Saint
N (the world's happiest non-famous rock star), Thea, TwoBeans, and
probably a dozen others whose names I cannot recall without a LOT of
frappie and alcohol. And while I'm at it, hails to Prostata Contata for
being one of those rare SubGeniuses with whom I can have a really long
conversation on a ridiculous number of topics! And thanks to m'daddy,
the great Ivan Stang, and the ever-gracious and lovely Princess Wei R.
Doe, for being great houseguests and travelling companions. Kisses for
Sister Decadence for including me in this year's Connieite calendar and
for her general encouragement and inspiration! A big wet lick for my
shordurspouses, the Troutwaxers, for being gracious and for knowing ALL
the good spots, if you know what I mean....

And finally, I give my eternal thanks as always to J.R. "Bob" Dobbs and
his lovely wife Connie, without whom I don't even want to THINK about
how I would've turned out! "Bob" saved my life at a young age and made
all this possible, and Connie gave me all the Hints I needed to turn
the possible into STARK SCREAMING REALITY.

"Bob" makes the deal, but Connie DELIVERS.

Her Ladyship Lilith

=====Her Ladyship Rev Dkr St Popess Lilith von Fraumench, Esquire=====
===Prophet===Corrective Phrenologist===Supreme Commandrix===Devivor===
==SSUCC 4739 University Way NE #1302 Seattle WA 98105 (877)=381-9354==
====Web: ssucc.ragnarokr.com = foolspress.com = mp3.com/foolspress====

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Of Loudness, Bribery & Slack

Lonesome Cowboy Dave pic by Wei