My XXXX-Day RANT from: Reverend Sinphaltimus Exmortus

Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Mon, Jul 9, 2001 1:52 PM

And so here was my first ever rant....

In the darkened light of a full blown thought, I had a vision of Christ and
all the wars he fought.

All the bombs and weapons used to save life in his name, all the humans
suffering, it is all his blame.

I saw the babies burning and the wasted life, the woman beaten and raped by
the animals of strife.

I then wandered deep within my dream to see if I could find, the truth in
Christ or Satan and if they'd be mine.

At the drop of a hat, a slip into the mind, I realized that I had gone

The curtain from which the voice came from, and I noticed nothing, I mean no

So when I sat inside my brain pan's cry, I found the man that they had told
me has died.

He was smoking a pipe with a big stupid smile, I was in that pipe, he smoked
me all the while.

As the heat penetrated my thinly lit skull, I had a thought about the time
when Jesus fell.

But the thought had passed away, way to fast, as the flame engulfed my face
and headed for my ass.

Now my eyeballs are nothing more than grey ash, and my torso burst into
flame, a brilliant flash.

Spontaneous human combustion within a large bowl, my buttocks is a smoking,
my body is no more.

Now I'm nothing but a pile of burnt offerings, being emptied from the pipe
into eternity.

Blowing freely on the edge of the cosmic breeze, never knowing where I'm
going like a bunch of falling leaves.

Then I woke up as I choked up a piece of grey matter, was once my brain is
now a big splatter.

I wiped it up with a piece of cloth, then I flushed it down the toilet, my
brain is no more.

So I dug into my pocket and in the flash of an eye, took that 30 dollar bill
and mailed it to that guy.

The one with the smile and the pipe stuck in his face, the one who comes to
save his Yeti race.

Now I have my membership card to the Church of the Subgenius, and for the
first time in my life, I got to chatting with Jesus.

I even saw his wife, Mary Magdalen, covered in chocolate, where chocolate
has never been.

So in an attempt to free myself and let me just become, I started a website

And all the SubGenii who came and saw it, told me it was great, that they
truly adored it.

So I followed my life long dream, bought some drums and started playing,
without even trying, got some radio play on hour of slack, now everyone is

You guys are nuts, playing with fire, I tell then to fuck off, it's all part
of my desire.

So now I would like to thank Bob for giving me back my slack, He made my
dreams come true, praying to God has gotten me Jack.

So thank you Church of the Subgenius for bringing me home, And thank you Bob
Dobbs, for now I know, I'll never be alone.

xxxx-day 2001, Brushwood,

The Reverend Sinphaltimus Exmortus
First Ever Digital Church of Mind Slack
A Totally Independent Clench of
The Church of the SubGenius
or die pink
or kill me
"Exterminate all rational thought" W.S.B.

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