XDay, Pandromeda, and what REALLY went down at Club Tiki Banzai -- from Legume

Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Mon, Jul 9, 2001 9:46 PM

I reckon some of y'all might be asking, "what the hell was up with this
Pandromeda thing and the Tiki Bar at XXXXDay?".

Well, here's the scoop. THERE WAS NO TIKI BAR AT XXXXXDAY, and I wasn't
EVEN THERE. I went, instead, to our company (Pandromeda's) first annual
executive retreat, which just happened to be July 4th weekend at Brushwood.

Executive retreat? What kind of shit is that, you might ask?

I SOLD OUT. I TURNED PINK. I went to Brushwood on vacation from my job.

That's right, I repented, GOT A JOB, and found slack. There's a catch,
though, one that makes all the difference.


Dr.Mojo is my employer. My immediate supervisor is Chas Smith of ESO. What
more could any SubGenius ask for?

I suppose I COULD have preached, could have performed the baptism, as I
have in all years past. But instead, I opted to CHANGE ALL THAT. We
shouldn't resist change. That's for normals. I instead acted as bartender
at the Club Tiki Banzai, where I had an awakening. I realized that the
greatest thing a man can aspire to be is a PREACHER. Once you master
preaching, you can do anything you want.

If you can preach, you can preach your way into a good job. I preached my
way into Mojo's company, into a position that didn't even EXIST...my
job?...preaching to his customers as part of his marketing team.

Or you can be a bartender.

Of course, now that I'm a professional preacher, when vacation rolls
around, I exercised my preaching skills behind the bar, mixing drinks for
the guests at our retreat (the P-out, as we call it).

Where does that leave me as a SUBGENIUS preacher?


I've been preaching the word of Dobbs for ten years now, and I've had a TON
of fun, as well as lots of purty gals to romp with.

But shit, I'm married and settled down now, and to be honest, my health
just aint what it used to be, all those old barfights and bike wrecks
coming back to haunt my creaky joints. Hell, a month ago I was in the
hospital for heart problems, and they gave me some medicine that packed 25
pounds onto me and made my ankles so swollen that my every step burns like

I figure it's time for me to make room for some of the up-and-coming young
preachers to get into the spotlight. I built MY house in Dobbstown, it's
time I passed the hammer and nails.

Just keep them away from Jesus, he gets nervous around those particular

See y'all next year. Be sure to tip the bartender ;)
Dr. K.C. "Ken the Barkeep" Legume

Dispensing the magical elixer
that makes white men dance better

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

> Where does that leave me as a SUBGENIUS preacher?

SURE, Legume!! Gimme a break. Your very existence is one long fire and
brimstone sermon. What monstrous entity is delivering that sermon, I
hope never to know.

4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,

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