More XDV Reportage from Magdalen

From: "Rev. Magdalen" <magdalen@subgenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Wed, Jul 10, 2002 12:14 AM

I wanted to mention that Asquire, Lon, Cozmodiar, and Jimbo, of IRC fame,
are all really young and cute and not grizzly-bearded perverts at all.

Plus I wanted to give advice for next year that people should purchase what
are called "complete nutrition drinks" (available in the old-people's
section of the supermarket) and bring them to XDVI. I drink them all the
time to maintain a healthy weight. They contain between 250 - 360 calories,
depending on type, of perfectly balanced liquid food. Taste nasty as hell,
but you chug it down and then you're fed. Very good for irresponsible busy
people like myself. I drink three a day and then I only have to remember to
eat another 200 calories from another source, usually pure sugar, which is
probably not good but a hell of a lot better than eating just the sugar
without the drinks. Last year I did not bring them and I lost fifteen
pounds at XD4, this year I brought them and maintained my weight. Man
cannot live on pancakes and oreos alone!!!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Governor Rocknar" <rocknar@insightbb.com>

"Rev. Magdalen" <magdalen@subgenius.com> wrote in message
news:6xOW8.79488$q53.2070556@twister.austin.rr.com...
> I wanted to mention that Asquire, Lon, Cozmodiar, and Jimbo, of IRC fame,
> are all really young and cute and not grizzly-bearded perverts at all.
>
> Plus I wanted to give advice for next year that people should purchase
what
> are called "complete nutrition drinks" (available in the old-people's
> section of the supermarket) and bring them to XDVI. I drink them all the
> time to maintain a healthy weight. They contain between 250 - 360
calories,
> depending on type, of perfectly balanced liquid food. Taste nasty as
hell,

Yes they DO taste nasty as hell! Ensure old-timer milkshakes are that way
because they figure all your taste buds are pretty much DEAD so you won't
mind all the CHEMICALS you pour down your throat.

> but you chug it down and then you're fed. Very good for irresponsible
busy
> people like myself.

They also make you SHIT like hell too! After all they are to keep old-timers
like GGG REGULAR!!!

> I drink three a day and then I only have to remember to
> eat another 200 calories from another source, usually pure sugar, which is
> probably not good but a hell of a lot better than eating just the sugar
> without the drinks.

A better type of nutrition shakes are the Cappuchino flavor Slim-Fast
shakes. THOSE just make you FART a lot! Plus they're made with COFFEE too,
so you get not only NUTRITION, you get CAFFEINE as well!

> Last year I did not bring them and I lost fifteen
> pounds at XD4, this year I brought them and maintained my weight. Man
> cannot live on pancakes and oreos alone!!!

Hmmm...more study is required to see if someone COULD survive on pancakes
and oreos. You could make that a Weekly Weird News diet.

"LOSE WEIGHT BY EATING ONLY PANCAKES AND OREOS!"

--
Governor Rocknar
Rocknar@insightbb.com

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----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

In article <231b626.0207101203.2d8b8ee7@posting.google.com>, Anti Pope
Lupus of SI <lyonderboy666@hotmail.com> wrote:

>
> Nutrition drinks: excellent idea.
> Chunky soup: horrible idea.
>
> Well, Chunky is kind of a good idea except for the fact that if I
> smell it again in the next month or so, I'll projectile vomit. Jen
> loves the stuff, and used camping as an excuse for eating it EVERY
> DAY. That stuff looks and smells like dog food unless it's REALLY
> HOT. And I'm no coffee drinker.

Campbell's Chunky Soups, as opposed to their other soups, have
pull-tops so you don't have to root for a can-opener when you suddenly
need your fix. On Wednesday, when my car broke down on the way to
Brushwood, I went through THREE cans of Chunky Soup of differing
flavors before the day was done. If I had had to wait for crap like a
can opener or a spoon, Two Beans might well be a dead man and I'd be in
prison somewhere. As it was, the worst that happened was Two Beans had
to tell me to wipe my nose. (You get the stuff on the end of your nose
when you "drink" the soup from those big cans.)

I tried living on those nutri-drinks when I was first diagnosed with
hypogycemia, and they are NOT a good idea. They're okay to replace ONE
meal with but they are not really FOOD food, and most of them have a
ton of sugar. You can mess yourself up good trying to live just on
manufactured space food. I KNOW FROM DIRECT EXPERIENCE after which I
read up on 'em.

If you try to eat beef jerky between meals, likewise, you get high
cholesterol.

The sad, pitiful horrible god damned fact is that nothing beats three
squares a day and a good night's rest. And exercise. Believe me, I have
tried to find the outer limits of that formula for 48 years,
FRUITLESSLY. It's FUCKED. I HATE it. But, "TIME CONTROL!" Gotta use
TIME CONTROL! Only available form of it yet being PATIENCE. God damn
it.

Feh!

Your girlfriend Jen -- who you had BETTER bird-dog a LOT more closely
-- might enjoy Tops brand canned chili with beans -- MUCH better than
Armour. Also, for a vegetable like side dish, Sylvia's Soul Food
Kitchen brand spicy kidney beans and also her pinto beans and black eye
peas are a FINE, SALTY treat.

I'm not kidding, Rev. Lupus, you need to SERIOUSLY bird dog that girl
if you're gonna be taking her around other SubGeniuses. You are SO
LUCKY that Doc Frop was feeling SATED that weekend. Just as ONE
instance.

You don't want to end up being "Spiked".

--
4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected (Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
P.O. Box 181417, Cleveland, OH 44118 (fax 216-320-9528)
A subsidiary of:
The SubGenius Foundation, Inc. / P.O. Box 204206, Austin, TX 78720-4206
Dobbs-Approved Authorized Commercial Outreach of The Church of the SubGenius
SubSITE: http://www.subgenius.com
For SubGenius Biz & Orders: call toll free to 1-888-669-2323
or email: jesus@subgenius.com
PRABOB

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Reverend Sinphaltimus Exmortus" <RevSExmortus@nyc.rr.com>

FEDCOMS XD5 Menu
first 4 days - milk with sugar pops/fruit loops/apple jacks for breakfast -
other days, beer.
lunch and dinner the whole time - spigettiooos (bad spelling) and Beeferoni
as well as meals shared by the generous and bought at Java Junction PRAISE
JAVA JUNCTION!
Snacks included - ding dongs, cheese puffs, potato chips, jelly beans,
vanilla and fudge pudding.
Liquids = Lots of Water and Beer.

TIP OF A LIFETIME!

I swear by this and live by it and everyone I've turned on to this agrees,
so don't say sheet until you try it.
BEFORE BEGINING A DRINKING BINGE - take a table spoon of hunny and wash it
down with a cup of water.
BEFORE PASSING OUT AFTER A DRINKING BINGE - take a table spoon of hunny and
wash it down with a cup of water.
IF YOU PASS OUT AND FORGET THE HONEY WITH WATER - Take a table spoon of
honey and wash it down with a cup of water as soon as you wake up.

If you do the first 2 when stated - YOU WILL NOT GET A HANG OVER.
If you wait until you wake up as opposed to before you pass out - YOU WILL
HAVE A HANG OVER FOR ABOUT 1-2 HOURS.

It's because a hang over is not just being dehydrated. The alcohol leaches
vitamins and minerals out of your body as well. HONEY just happens to have
most of those in it so your body doesn't hunger for them the next day.

SISTER "D" - I AM SOOOOOOOOO SORRY I DIDN'T MAKE IT BACK TO YOU WITH THE
HONEY - I hope the water at the ESO show helped make up for it.

<<<<CUT SNIP>>>
> Your girlfriend Jen -- who you had BETTER bird-dog a LOT more closely
> -- might enjoy Tops brand canned chili with beans -- MUCH better than
<<<<CUT SNIP>>>
> I'm not kidding, Rev. Lupus, you need to SERIOUSLY bird dog that girl
> if you're gonna be taking her around other SubGeniuses. You are SO
> LUCKY that Doc Frop was feeling SATED that weekend. Just as ONE
> instance.
<<<<CUT SNIP>>>

He's right ya know - not to discredit Jen's loyalty to you but yeti have
been know to use clubs to get what they want

And I'm begining to beleive that JEN is not an exibitionist because you say
so.

--

Sincerely yours, forever Bob's,

The Reverend Sinphaltimus Exmortus
of the
First Ever Digital Church of Mind Slack
http://www.Digital-Church.com
A Totally Independent Clench of
The Church of the SubGenius
THE SUBGENIUS FOUNDATION
PO BOX 204206
AUSTIN, TX 78720-4206
Send $1 and S.A.S.E. for more info
or visit
www.subgenius.com
or email
RevSExmortus@nyc.rr.com
or die pink
or kill me
"Exterminate all rational thought" W.S.B.
16*2*!!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: lyonderboy666@hotmail.com (Anti Pope Lupus of SI)

"Reverend Sinphaltimus Exmortus" <RevSExmortus@nyc.rr.com> wrote in message news:<wJ2X8.80265$QD2.21631777@twister.nyc.rr.com>...
> And I'm begining to beleive that JEN is not an exibitionist because you say
> so.

Not true, dude. You know better than that having met her on many
occasions. It took a lot of prodding and cajoling to get her to xday
simply because it *was* a nudist camp. It also took a lot of prodding
and cajoling to get her to let me be in the Beefcake calendar,
considering she's not so much into MY exhibitionism either. But she's
a helluva lot more important than that to me, so I try to keep it low
key.

She ended up having a great time, so I'm glad I got her to come. And
I'm glad I got her to COME considering you interrupted my sex twice.
Or shall I remind you of THE CLAW?

:) -APLY

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Two Beans" <twobeans@godhatesyou.com>

"Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com> wrote in message
news:100720021722354624%stang@subgenius.com...
>
> As it was, the worst that happened was Two Beans had
> to tell me to wipe my nose.
>

Twice, I had to tell you twice to wipe your nose. I felt like an orderly at
the old folks home.

I thank Dobbs that I didn't have to tell you to wipe other things.

-2B

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Pisces" <priestesspisces@hotmail.com>

"Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com> wrote in message
news:100720021722354624%stang@subgenius.com...
>
> I'm not kidding, Rev. Lupus, you need to SERIOUSLY bird dog that girl
> if you're gonna be taking her around other SubGeniuses. You are SO
> LUCKY that Doc Frop was feeling SATED that weekend. Just as ONE
> instance.

i second and third this post..
Lupus - if she wasnt yur chix0r, and i didnt already have entertainment...
hmmmmmmm *sighs* ... Dude.. just be glad you never where drunk enough for me
to kidnap her.

^_^

Pisces

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: joecosby@mindspring.com (Joe Cosby)

"Pisces" <priestesspisces@hotmail.com> hunched over a computer, typing
feverishly;
thunder crashed, "Pisces" <priestesspisces@hotmail.com> laughed madly,
then wrote:

>
>"Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com> wrote in message
>news:100720021722354624%stang@subgenius.com...
><snipped an assload of shite> Feh!

BAH!

--
Joe Cosby
http://joecosby.home.mindspring.com

"I done took 'em up. I still believe it's right. The Bible didn't say they
wouldn't bite"
- Snake Handler 'Little George', died July 25,1955 [from a snake bite]


Sig by Kookie Jar 5.98d http://go.to/generalfrenetics/

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: lyonderboy666@hotmail.com (Anti Pope Lupus of SI)

"Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com> wrote in message news:<100720021722354624%stang@subgenius.com>...

> I'm not kidding, Rev. Lupus, you need to SERIOUSLY bird dog that girl
> if you're gonna be taking her around other SubGeniuses. You are SO
> LUCKY that Doc Frop was feeling SATED that weekend. Just as ONE
> instance.
>
> You don't want to end up being "Spiked".

Hmm. What does she see in that guy, right?

No need to bird dog, we're really the happiest couple alive. I trust
her more than anyone else in this world. And we are completely
monogamous.

Now granted, Doc Frop may just be one of the coolest people alive, but
he has really no chance at all. Although he does not have my pity
considering he has quite a luscious babe himself.

And that's ANTI POPE to you mister!

:) -APLY

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: joecosby@mindspring.com (Joe Cosby)

lyonderboy666@hotmail.com (Anti Pope Lupus of SI) hunched over a
computer, typing feverishly;
thunder crashed, lyonderboy666@hotmail.com (Anti Pope Lupus of SI)
laughed madly, then wrote:

>No need to bird dog, we're really the happiest couple alive. I trust
>her more than anyone else in this world. And we are completely
>monogamous.
>

You only have one antler?

--
Joe Cosby
http://joecosby.home.mindspring.com

You have to agree that cars are readily available, and easy to conceal
in a school's parking lot.
- Fred Ziffel


Sig by Kookie Jar 5.98d http://go.to/generalfrenetics/

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: fossil_1984@hotmail.com (The Rev. Dr. Chaos Israel)

"Rev. Magdalen" <magdalen@subgenius.com> wrote in message news:<6xOW8.79488$q53.2070556@twister.austin.rr.com>...

> Plus I wanted to give advice for next year that people should purchase what
> are called "complete nutrition drinks" (available in the old-people's
> section of the supermarket) and bring them to XDVI. I drink them all the
> time to maintain a healthy weight. They contain between 250 - 360 calories,
> depending on type, of perfectly balanced liquid food.

So I'd need 8-10 to survive a tyipcal Chaos Israel day?

>Taste nasty as hell,
> but you chug it down and then you're fed. Very good for irresponsible busy
> people like myself. I drink three a day and then I only have to remember to
> eat another 200 calories from another source,

A decent MRE would last you three days, then. And some of them
actually taste halfway decent.

> usually pure sugar, which is
> probably not good but a hell of a lot better than eating just the sugar
> without the drinks. Last year I did not bring them and I lost fifteen
> pounds at XD4, this year I brought them and maintained my weight. Man
> cannot live on pancakes and oreos alone!!!

You lost fifteen pounds in a weekend? Mags, you don't *weigh* 15
pounds...

--
Chaos.


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