Baltimore Devival Report

From: Rev. Ivan Stang

That Baltimore devival was one of the best ones EVER!

On Nov 11, 5:44 pm, "Rev. Richard Skull" <msh...@verizon.net> wrote:

>
> I'm farting from it as I type!

Well I dunno if it was THAT good.

>
> I'll let Stang reveal the surprise guest at the signing. Lets just say
> Stang would have only have been MORE surprised if Dobbs Himself walked
> through the front door.
>

Shredni Chisholm, who coined the term "bulldada," which one now sees
used in art magazines on occasion, was sitting there at the book-
signing. We hadn't laid eyes on each other since 1983 when he came to
the Danceteria show in NYC when BoSG was first published by McGraw
Hill. He was a guy I used to run with in Austin when I was 19 in
college. We would get drunk and take turns typing weird little
paragraphs on my typewriter in my dorm room. A mimeographed
publication called "THE BULLDADA BOOK" came from that. 1973 or so. I
have a couple hundred copies of it in the basement, still!

Shredni looked lusty and dynamic for a guy my age! In real life, he
once brokered the deal that brings Jamaica ALL of its toilet paper.

I also met for the first time Rev. Larry and Jane, who are responsible
for putting Hour of Slack on WBCQ shortwave, "The Planet"!

> Confusion was caused by the fact the Post cards mailed out announced
> the signing at Atomic Books, but gave the street address for it's
> sister store, Atomic Pop. Obviously the Conspiracy was working to foil
> our plans!

Yet, at first the only people there were all co-authors on the new
book or Rev-X! (Susie, Carter, Chris Lee, Nickie) And you, having me
sign that portrait of me in your monkey photo book.

>
> I spent some time browsing the shelves when I spotted something! Our
> long lost Family Photo Album!
> Some wag had it printed up and re-titled it "Monkey Portraits"!
>
> I had to buy it because it featured my late 3rd cousin Cheeta, of the
> "Tarzan" fame, as well as my other cousin who is the "rally Monkey"
> for the Anaheim Angels.

Cheetah is an APE! Like WE are! Monkeys are silly chittering animals
"only two steps above humans," as that one GOrilla said in the Tim
Burton Planet of the Apes.

>
> I decided to get Stang to sign it in lue of some stupid Subgenius
> Book.
>
> One thing I did notice in Cheeta's Photo's. They had amputated his
> fingers at the first knuckle. They did this (and still do it) to
> performing primates becuase they can rip a humans skin apart with
> their finger nails easily and quickly. They have been known to inflect
> serious damage by accident. An adult chimp's nails can rip a grown
> man's arms open to the bone. That's before they bite your testicles
> off.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=8MZeiBq3Irw - Kung fu chimps, thanks to
Carter LeBlanc

http://youtube.com/watch?v=sP1-dQzbzUY

http://youtube.com/watch?v=3wbVIgVi66k

>
> But the groups was almost another X-day. Susie was there, as was Prof.
> Pressure & wife, Nickie, Jimbo, and some more who are now lost in the
> fog of my mind.

EVERYBODY WHO'S ANYBODY was there! Joy D'Veeve and RevDokJack, Dr.
Dark and Her Highness Hellno, Dave the Sound Man, that bad ass beatnik
Rev. Chris Lee, the beautiful Barbara Alien and the encrusted Doctor
PissOff, that one guy whose name I can't remember, and that other guy
whose name I can't remember, I couldn't believe what a HAWT chick he
was with -- the mass wedding was SO romantic -- Revs. Larry and Jane
the WBCQ, The Motor Morons -- Rev. Sam of that band put on the World
SubGenius Con in Baltimore in 1983! It was like Old Folks Home Week
except that the other half of the audience was real young (and real
drunK!)

I got into Baltimore on Friday and that evening Carter took me and
Nickie to the American Visionary Art Museum, which I should have
mentioned from the stage come to think of it -- that place is
FANTASTIC! It features beautifully displayed art by both "kooks" and
"visionaries," to use vague terms. For instance there was a huge Alex
Grey painting near the front that happened to be ALMOST the same Alex
Grey image I was wearing on my t-shirt that day. But thre were room
after room of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder art, which reminded me of
the stuff I've been getting in the mail for the last 25 years.

That museum made me feel SO VERY NORMAL...

>
> It was fun, some people who just walked in to shop where at a loss who
> who these weird people were.
>
> After the signing, I went over the church where they were still
> setting up. The building was great from the outside, but a post
> apolitical hell in side.

I couldn't fucking BELIEVE how huge and classy that church is! The
inside though is still "in transition" and some big chunks have been
removed from the wall. Susie said, "I feel like I'm in an episode of
COMBAT with Vic Morrow."

>The BIG surprise was that this venue was PRO-
> ORDAINED BY DOBBS HIMSELF!
>
> In the rear room where they had the "Children's" room, was a drawing
> of Dobb's with the words "This is not your father's church"
>
> Yes, once again we have more proof of the validity of our religion by
> accident then the rest of these so called "Real" religions have by
> trying!

I have good clear photos of those! Hard to believe they were made by
the Methodists for that church long ago. The one with the pipe...
jeepers. ((Stang shivers with superstitious dread))

>
> Well, The Motor Morons opened. I wish I had brought my Ratchet set, we
> could have jammed! In the 1960's some dude wrote a concerto for a
> Volkswagen. Which featured and VW on stage which accompanied the
> orchestra with its horn and motor. Substitute a grinder, some electric
> drills and some weed whackers, and that describes them.

They were the ones who put the ancient subversive "PRAISE "LOU""
pamphlets by Janor on the walls.

>
> I got to open the Ranters. I was honored. But my rant was pail
> compared to Suzie's and Stangs and Legumes.

I'd call it more of a bucket than a pail. I will describe your rant
for those who haven't been lucky enough to see it there or at the last
Drill. Rev. Skull steps out on stage, consults his notes, then yells
"FUCK!"

"Fuck! Fuck! FUCK! FUCK FUCK FUCK! Fuckity FUCK fuck. FUCK!" (Consults
his notes again.) "Fuck fuck FUCK! FUCK! Fuck. FUCK!" and exist stage
right.

>
> Other Ohioans who arrived for the Devival were Dr. Dark & Wife. who
> presented me with a wristband made of human skulls! It cam all the way
> from China! And was probably made with real human skulls of the child
> laborers who fell into the machines at the factory!
>
> There were others, but other then Piss-Off, I can;t friggin remember
> who they were! Dang!
>
> BY 9Pm the place was pretty packed. I was concerned that the Amino's
> would not arrive. But they did make it.

They always make it at the very last minute! Their esteemed human
compatriots -- employees like Rev. Angry Larry, Pope Wally, Senator
Speck and their hot crazy groupies -- are always there on time.

Rev. Bleepo Abernathy called in sick unfortunately.

>
> The other bands, Fat Free and the Osgoths. Fat free was OK. The
> Osgoths were very good. AS for their violin player, all I can say is
> "WOOF!"

Yeah, I was most gratified and enwoodened to see a gorgeous female
electric violinist playing at a devival again! You can't beat a female
violin.

>
> But the Aminos just blew everyone away! No surprise there! They were
> the only ones who got people dancing. Sine we had to end the music by
> 11PM, the Aminos went to a club down the street to play another set.
>
> I stayed back, helped Two Beans, Pisces, and Carter straighten up the
> place.
>
> Then I departed for home.
>
> >From what I got from Carter, they were sure they broke even, to loose
>
> money would be affront to "Bob"! Which was the important thing. after
> all. So I hope they made enough to at least pay for Pisces and Two
> beans gas money.

Breaking even on a SubGenius devival qualifies as a RESOUNDING
SUCCESS, as Carter pointed out.

The Swag Table did GREAT! We sold ALMOST everything I brought. I say
"we," but it was Rev. Nickie Deathchick Wild who had the $ales Magic
-- not to mention Nickie's Ass Magic. We made enough for me to give
her gas money, that's for sure. 7 new souls were saved $30-wise. All
the t-shirts and ARISEs got bought. Sales were vastly helped by the
fact that there was a BIG, well-lit area at the back and as many
tables as we needed. On Sunday morning at Carters I counted the cash
and credit card purchases, and then kind of wallowed around in it.

Nickie had an interesting adventure after the devival. She was sound
asleep in het hotel when suddenly the fire alarm rang, at 4 a.m. She
and everybody else had to go stand out in the bitter cold until the
fire was put out.

>
> The Church was a great place but needed work. It was surprisingly warm
> inside I expected it to be freezing. The acoustics were poor as the
> walls were all plaster, bare floors and the high ceiling were not
> conductive to music.

Where I was standing -- near the stage, videotaping -- the sound was
GREAT! But a lot of folks sat way in the back where it was boomy and
echoey. Sound Master Dave says he got a good line recording and I
probably have decent audio on my videotapes.

The most magical part for me was, I had another of those video tape
ENDING miracles. The Mini-DV tapes last 1 hour. I was down near the
end of a tape and Legume had been preaching for about 10 minutes. And
he was KICKING ASS. He delivered his FUNNIEST sermon ever. And most
forcefully! I cracked up repeatedly. But the timer was telling me the
fucking tape was about to run out! 2 minutes... one minute... zero
minutes... and then Legume said "And that's all I have to say" and
about two seconds after that, the tape ended.

A CHARMED devival!

All the preaching and music was really great! Susie the Floozy was in
her absolute top form, and her form LOOKS better than ever too! After
flawlessly delivering this hilarious, insta-classic Flooze rant, she
proved her true SubGeniusdom by tripping as she went down the dark
stairs to offstage, scraping her knee and scraping her boob with the
edge of a music stand she was carrying. SUSIE THE FLOOZIE GOT HER TIT
STABBED IN CHURCH!

Yes, I have good clear photos of the boob and wound... stay tuned for
the boob wound.

>
> I got home just about 12:15 in the morning. Fell into bed and slept to
> 9:30. I woke up, glanced ta the clock, stretched and the next thing I
> knew it was 12:30 PM.

I had weird dreams in which I was trying to do various tedious
SubGenius jobs related to devivals (but in some other composite city)
and these young Bobbie girls and cool weird nerd girls were coming on
to me. But I never got my nut. What is the point of dreams like that?

>
> Tired, but good tired! Like you'd fell on X-Day after you exterminated
> the Human race.

Yeah, now that I've posted this I think I'll drag her back to bed.
Maybe watch "ROAD TO RIO".

Pisces, carter and Two Beans pulled off one of the all time great
devivals. 2-Beans DJing was excellent and Pisces delivered a most
charming, multilayered and ironical rant, but really inspiring for
those who get it. Carter and she MCed a lot and Carter spunked out
some very sharp, barely-prepared rants. I have never seen that guy do
anything but TOP NOTCH ranting. I think of him as the Post-Meyer Stud-
Preacher.

But nothing beats waking up next to Rev. Chris Lee, especially when my
wife was alone in Cleveland that night.

WAIT A MINUTE! I just realized! She wasn't alone -- THE AMINO ACIDS
and their human slaves stayed at my house Friday night on the way from
Detroit to Baltimore! OH MY GOD! I left Princess Wei alone with THEM!!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "dougpaulod@yahoo.com" <dougpaulod@gmail.com>

I had a great time. It was pleasantly disconcerting to be in the same
room with Stang after hearing his disembodied voice through headphones
so many times on tapes and radio shows. He signed my McGraw Hill
edition BoSG and an old Stark Fist.

It was also disconcerting to be physically present at a SubGenius
devival - again, after hearing so many of them on tape through the
years. It was a great room. I wonder: has SubG preaching ever been
preached in an actual church before?

Between the book signing and the devival, I stopped at an AMAZING
record store called The True Vine and spent a fascinating hour
chatting with one of the owners. We shared a deep appreciation for the
work of R. Stevie Moore. After that I "ate the hell out of" a perfect
hamburger at a restaurant down the street.

Later, I drove back home to Wilmington, DE. I noticed a red pickup
truck with Delaware plates, SubGenius bumper stickers and some wood in
the back. Anybody know who that was?

Baltimore is a groovy town.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

On Nov 11, 9:01 pm, "dougpau...@yahoo.com" <dougpau...@gmail.com>
wrote:
>
> I had a great time. It was pleasantly disconcerting to be in the same
> room with Stang after hearing his disembodied voice through headphones
> so many times on tapes and radio shows. He signed my McGraw Hill
> edition BoSG and an old Stark Fist.

AHA! Now I can put the online name with the meat plane face!

I know what you mean. I was a HUGE Firesign Theater fan... had
memorized ALL their work, collected bootlegs, etc... then when I
actually met one and sat around in the same room with him I kept
thinking I should be looking at my record player speakers and not this
JUST PLAIN GUY. (It was Davic Ossman, first celebrity I ever met
(celeb to me anyway), and, Praise Firesign Theater, he was EXTREMELY
friendly and polite and forgiving of what a dumb dorky kid I was. (I
was maybe 21 or 22.)

>
> It was also disconcerting to be physically present at a SubGenius
> devival - again, after hearing so many of them on tape through the
> years. It was a great room. I wonder: has SubG preaching ever been
> preached in an actual church before?

YES! There was a similar place, not quite as big or old, in
Pittsburgh, where there was a big devival... first place we met Circus
Apocalypse and Phat Mandy, I believe. Papa Joe Mama and Legume were
there. Legume smashed a table, and some jello brains, and blew a small
hole in the ceiling with a shotgun that night. A few years later I wed
Andrew th Impaled to his new bride in that same church. Met Rev.
AllieKat that time.

Churchs are the BEST!

>
> Between the book signing and the devival, I stopped at an AMAZING
> record store called The True Vine and spent a fascinating hour
> chatting with one of the owners. We shared a deep appreciation for the
> work of R. Stevie Moore. After that I "ate the hell out of" a perfect
> hamburger at a restaurant down the street.

Praise R. Stevie Moore! Did you know he's married to Rev. Krys of ald
timey Hour of Slack/WFMU fame?

Carter took us to an insane book, album, and kitch store called
NORMAL'S that is the be-all and end-all of such shops. There was
artwork by Blaster Al Ackerman all over the place and apparently he
works there. (I thought he was DEAD!) We expected him at the devival
but I don't know that he showed.

>
> Later, I drove back home to Wilmington, DE. I noticed a red pickup
> truck with Delaware plates, SubGenius bumper stickers and some wood in
> the back. Anybody know who that was?

Sporting wood you say? If it was covered with hair then that's Rev.
Skull.

Speaking of Rev. Skull I just remembered... Wei fed them Skull Jelly
on their toast at breakfast at my house Saturday morning, and they
were raving about it at the devivals. Well not the AMINOS, they can't
talk, and they absorb food thought membranes. But their human
"helpers."

Whenever the Aminos play I see people in the audience up front
offering them drinks.

!!!

THEY HAVE NO MOUTHS! Just a little indentation where the mouth would
be.

What do these generous persons expect the band to do? Shove the bottle
up their butts?

>
> Baltimore is a groovy town.

I sure had a groovy time!

Nice meeting you btw!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: Baltimore Devival Report
From: Pisces <KVanHall@gmail.com>

actually- the ostrogoths werent there. That was Steve Heftner and
Freinds and Freinds of Freinds. Conspiracy forces alligned and
literally tore the Ostrogoths asunder, as a result Steve valiantly
stepped forth and declared he would bring the OTHER band!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

It's always so refreshing, and such a surprise, to hear PRETTY music
at a devival. Perfect counterpoint to Motor Morons (guitars and car
repair machinery), Fat Free (bulldada), and The Amino Acids (amino
acid).

Rev. Angry Larry gave me a bunch of CDs of his other band, The Casket
Bastards! Hoo-hah! Chris Lee donated Trailer Park Boys and Rev. Susie
gave me an ILLUSTRATED CD of her Hurricane Spectacular radio collage.
A-ROOO-gah.

Oh yeah and Nu-Monet, I read your list of what's in "Bob's" Head and
Pipe at both the bookstore and the main devival! That's a GREAT rant
element!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Pisces <KVanHall@gmail.com>

On Nov 12, 2:04 pm, "Rev. Ivan Stang" <st...@subgenius.com> wrote:

> Nickie had an interesting adventure after the devival. She was sound
> asleep in het hotel when suddenly the fire alarm rang, at 4 a.m. She
> and everybody else had to go stand out in the bitter cold until the
> fire was put out.

Hmm.. As Susie, 2B and I were trying to locate the 2nd devival
location that those in the know all know about, i got lost (AGAIN-
fucking baltimore) and decided to pull over to call for directions....

As I was speaking on the phone with the direction giver, and AMBULANCE
and FIRE TRUCK started to roll by. I got the location address and hung
up then noticed the AMBULANCE and FIRE TRUCK had us SURROUNDED and men
in uniform were jumping out and HEADING RIGHT FOR US!!

"Are you ok??!! Who is hurt???" An EMS guy shouted at us.

"Um, we are just lost... "

"oh."

"THIS ISNT THEM!"

Then they jumped back in the firetruck and ambulance and left.

and I FUCKING FORGOT THE DAMN ADDRESS!

"Something about a cardinal direction and a dudes name... SHIT SHIT
SHIT"

"OH ITS NORTH!"

And we drove around until we found a street that had a dudes name and
lo! there be AMINOS!

But I still wonder if they EMS and FIRE Crews ever found those dying
bleeding horribly injured people.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

> that one guy whose name I can't remember

Fuck you too!

p.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

On Nov 13, 9:36 am, phloighd <phloi...@gmail.com> wrote:
> > that one guy whose name I can't remember
>
> Fuck you too!
>
> p.

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

No, no, it's your FACE I can't remember! That "THE THING" thing you do
with it every few months really messes me up! I have no problem with
your NAME as long as it's spoken loudly enough by the third or fourth
time.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

On Nov 13, 11:36 am, Pisces <KVanH...@gmail.com> wrote:
>
> Unfortunately ALOT of people only got about a sentence out of me. I
> dont think I even said a WORD to Cyclohexane and a few others.
> There were folks who I was told were there AFTER THE FACT.
> So anyone who got LESS than a sentence I am sorry. But Carter is much
> more the social butterfly than I anyhow and I hope you at least got a
> sentence or two from him.

We call it "Convention Host Syndrome" -- but you only had a very mild
case! You should have seen me by Saturday night of the 1980 1st World
SubCon! Or Saturday night at X-Day X Drill for that matter.

I gotta get to work on that Master List of X-Day Chores! Soon as I
finish these non-X-Day chores. We CAN find a cure for CHS.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: Baltimore Devival Report
From: Pisces <KVanHall@gmail.com>

... poor Susie and 2B had to deal with me being a t-total bitch from
the devival to joe squared.. and WORSE!...on the way back to Silver
Spring they had to endure my "I FUCKING HATE THIS FUCKING TOWN WHY
CANT THEY FUCKING MAKE A FUCKING SIGN TO THE FUCKING INTERSTATE
FUCKING STUPID FUCKING TOWN I SHOULD JUST RUN OVER THAT FUCKING HOOKER
IN THE ROAD NO ONE WOULD NOTICE LOOK AT THE FUCKING RATS COMING OUT OF
THE GODDAMNED SEWER GRATES THEY ARE THE ONLY FUCKING DECENT FUCKING
LIVING THING IN THIS FUCKING SHITHOLE STATE OH MY FUCKING GOD JESUS
CHRIST ON A FUCKING TOOTHPICK WHERE THE FUCK ARE WE" while i spent
over an hour lost in the ghettos of baltimore because i missed a turn
and was stupid enough to follow a set of signs that supposedly said
they would take me to the I-95 south back towards the District.

Nice thing about it all, I have the attention span of a Cat and the
memory of a Goldfish, so usually something will distract me and I will
forget what the Hell i was pissed off about.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: Baltimore Devival Report
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

I guess that's a pretty good case of CHS after all. But hey, you got
there before I did! - and in time to order food, too!

>
> Nice thing about it all, I have the attention span of a Cat and the
> memory of a Goldfish, so usually something will distract me and I will
> forget what the Hell i was pissed off about.

""Bob" gave us memories so that we could still get pussy in jail."

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: Baltimore Devival Report
From: Lord Cyclohexane <LordCyclohexane@gmail.com>

I've
never felt so comfortable in a place that wasn't in my home territory
before (actually, I'm not sure I've ever felt so comfortable EVEN IN
my home territory), but there at the Devival I just relaxed on the
floor and took in all the great tunes and absolutely wonderful rants.
And having never before heard a Legume rant (not even a recorded one),
that was definitely a special treat. It looks like I'll definitely
have to find a way to make it to the proposed 2008 Seattle Devival, if
there's not another one before that, and makes me regret that I won't
be able to make it to the Detroit Devival (learned about it too late
to get off of work, and I work weekends...)

And Baltimore is most definitely a groovy town. I've never seen such
a huge collection of non-chain businesses before in such a small area,
nor run across so many wonderful restaurants... Even if there's never
another Baltimore Devival, I'll definitely have to make it back to
Baltimore at some point.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Christopher Lee <chris.lee@insightbb.comNOSPAM>

Rev. Ivan Stang wrote:

> But nothing beats waking up next to Rev. Chris Lee, especially when my
> wife was alone in Cleveland that night.

It occurs to me that I neglected to mention to you what city my
return trip "layover" was in...

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

**SPUTTER** **APOPLEX**

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Carter LeBlanc

Shitloads of fun.

There was a point, mid-afternoon on saturday, when I started to get
nervous because people kept calling me to say, "Everything is running
on schedule".

I was waiting for a total collapse of something at some point, but it
never happened.

I attribute it to everyone involved - 2beans, Pisces, Suzy, Nikkie,
Kurt, Chris Lee, Stang, all of the bands and everyone else that did
shit (asked or unasked).

The motor morons were a blast, and they were a dream to work with,
they've obviously been doing their thing for a while, and they do it
well. motormorons.com

Steve Hefter and his associates did a bang-up job covering the
Ostrogoths slot. Just a word of explanation for those who were
wondering about the discrepancy: The devival was going to be a reunion
show for steve's now-defunct pseudo-goth band "The Ostrogoths".

The Ostrogoths were best known locally for an awful slowed-down minor-
key rendition of Sweet Home Alabama that they would dedicate to their
dark lord (who may or may not have been Jan Michael Vincent). Signs of
merryment, including cheering or clapping, were forbidden at Ostrogoth
shows.

Unfortunately, several members announced their unavailability as the
date approached, and so Steve was finally forced to kill the remaining
members and replace them with fairly normal musicians (and a smoking
hot violinist).

The really unusual thing about Steve Hefter and Friends (and friends
of friends) is that they are pleasant talented musicians who play
well-
written songs in a competent manner. Those interested in hearing more
of them should check out their myspace - http://www.myspace.com/hefterandfriends
- you can purchase both of their albums there as well.

They've been touring the east coast intermittently, playing great
music to inattentive, undeserving, or downright empty rooms, so check
out their tour schedule too. They deserve a good audience.

Fat Free was delightful, and made my life a little easier through
their general awesomeness.

The amino acids rocked everyone's faces off. Quite simple. ROCKED
EVERYONE'S FACES OFF. Two of the tightest, most furious shows i've
ever see them do AT TWO SEPARATE VENUES IN ONE NIGHT.

The bartender at JoeSquared hugged me and wept openly with joy and
delight, saying the Amino Acids were the best band to ever play that
room.

Thanks to everyone who showed up.

-Rev Carter LeBlanc

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: revwikkidpissah@gmail.com

After a crappy week at work, you definitely managed to portray how I
felt. Good job!

I also had a great time! This was my first Devival, and I even managed
to talk my girlfriend into coming along. By nights' end she was asking
me about how to join the COTSG!

Thanks for the good time, everyone!

Rev Wikkid Pissah