GGG's reply to Legume

Date: Sat, 11 Jul 1998 22:23:17 GMT

On Tue, 07 Jul 1998 23:20:56 -0400, Citizen Ken
<drlegume@bellatlantic.net> wrote:

Snipped to spare him the embarrassment of reading it while sober!

Tell me you were drunk Legume or was it the mushroooms, ennyway, don't
you think it's time you read the books...I must confess that I am
bewildered by your attitude. You're there on the threshold of a new
era and you turn into Lou Douchez on me. Say it ain't so Legume, you
pussy. One letdown in your religion and you turn maudlin and
reflective. Dammit man how many times must I tell you, you don't use
your brain to think about your religion. Now take a large enamel bowl,
fill it with pleasantly hot water. Add a double tablespoon of Epsom
salts, take off your shoes and soak your feet. As soon as your
footgland starts tingling, break your own houserule and blast a bowl
of frop.

As soon as the frop starts to hit take a shot of your favorite
firewater, pour another shot into your footbath, pick up Revelation X
and start at page one. As soon as you feel pleasantly woozy and your
vision blurs, let your footglands take over and give you a little
religious interpretation, but you gotta de-activate your brain before
you think about religious matters...footgland Legume, Footgland!
Buck up man, buck up!

I suggest you and Susie go out to dinner, charge it to Stang's
credit Card and have a good time. Besides just 'cos "Bob" fucked up
(big surprise there) doesn't mean the Crusade for Slack is over.
Think of those dark nights Legume, deathgoth Bobbies huddled around
their fires, think of blood and pain and terror. Think of evil fun,
scary fun, little deathboyz in leather and chains quivering in fear as
the word of Dobbs is rammed into them....Now then you'd give that all
up because the train didn't show, so to speak...dammit man the rails
are still there shining before us, stretching out into the distant
sunset, gleaming like gold. True that the celestial locomotives have
not yet pulled into the station, but the mighty juggernaut of Dobbs is
freshly fueled and loaded, up to pressure and re-armed with fresh
Bobbyblood renderings, and the Crusade must go on. Too much is ALWAYS
better than not enough. So snap put of it Legume, I don't like chewing
you out in front of the enlisted men, lurkers and shithead bobbies
but dammit man, Dobbs needs you, get back on board....thejoke only
gets funnier!

I will expect you back on duty as soon as your shroomover goes
away.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: DrLegume <drlegume@bellatlantic.net>
Date: Sun, 12 Jul 1998 00:22:56 -0400

G. G. Gordon wrote:

> Tell me you were drunk Legume or was it the mushroooms, ennyway, don't
> you think it's time you read the books...I must confess that I am
> bewildered by your attitude. You're there on the threshold of a new
> era and you turn into Lou Douchez on me. Say it ain't so Legume, you
> pussy. One letdown in your religion and you turn maudlin and
> reflective.

Letdown? What letdown? Read it again, Gordon. I wasn't let down, I got
it ALL. The WHOLE FUCKING PIE. That post wasn't a gripe. Hell, that was
HIGH PRAISE, I just feel sorry for the poor shmoes who DIDN'T get
ruptured, the ones who feel ripped off. They ALL have had the keys to
the kingdom dangled in front of them, but only a few reached out and
took them.

Fuck those saucers, Gordon. I got MINE. Hell, you can see that. YOU
KNOW.

I've been thinking about this a lot over the last few days, and I tell
you this: No Eternal Reward Will Forgive Me Now For Wasting The Dawn.

Even if I want to turn my back on the church, I cannot in good
conscience turn my back on my FRIENDS.

I seriously thought Stang was going to SWITCH GEARS entirely, that he
had some master backup plan, something wierd and twisted that would make
the SubGenius Church look TAME by comparison. Maybe even start some
kind of insanely warped Christian cult...the Jesus that wants you to
FUCK. After all, the CotSG was "built on a shifting sandy beach of
hypocrisy", right? And wouldn't the next logical step be to storm OUR
WORST ENEMY'S playground, and destroy them from within?

Sweet Christ! It'd be like opening a fucking Burger King! Jesus Christ
has NAME RECOGNITION! He's a product people trust.

Maybe Earth isn't ready for this YET. But I feel it on the wind,
Gordon.

If Stang wants to keep this SubGenius train going for a while longer,
I'm down with him. He's my friend. He knows I'm just a phone call away
if he needs me to help him harvest souls.

Hell, if it weren't for him I might be dead. I owe him a measure for my
slack.

And I ALWAYS pay my debts.

Legume

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: i.stang@subgenius.com (Rev. Ivan Stang)

In article <35A83A20.3DD1@bellatlantic.net>, drlegume@bellatlantic.net wrote:

> Hell, if it weren't for him I might be dead. I owe him a measure for my
> slack.
>
> And I ALWAYS pay my debts.
>

That's right. You owe me a LIFE, Legume. You better fuckin' believe I'm
gonna make sure I get TOP DOLLAR for it. DOBBS taught me that.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: i.stang@subgenius.com (Rev. Ivan Stang)

In article <35a7e0aa.26161739@news.io.com>, gggor@io.com (G. G. Gordon) wrote:

a cold shower for "Mr. Sentimental Luv Bunny" Legume

> I will expect you back on duty as soon as your shroomover goes
> away.

I think you hit that nail right on the head, Dr. Gordon!

But then, wasn't it YOU that gave him ALL the mushrooms? Enough to kill TEN
ELEPHANTS??

--
Copyright 1998 by Rev. Ivan Stang / 1st Orthodox Stangian
MegaFisTemple Lodge of People's Covenant Church of the
Wrath of Dobbs Yeti, Resurrected / The SubGenius Foundation,Inc.
PO Box 140306 Dallas TX 75214 / Fax 214-320-1561 / PRABOB
http://www.subgenius.com -- SubSITE of Slack

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Sister Decadence <decadence@subgenius.com>

G. G. Gordon wrote:
>
> On Tue, 07 Jul 1998 23:20:56 -0400, Citizen Ken
> <drlegume@bellatlantic.net> wrote:
>
> Snipped to spare him the embarrassment of reading it while sober!
>
> Tell me you were drunk Legume or was it the mushroooms, ennyway, don't
> you think it's time you read the books...I must confess that I am
>
[snipped for brevity's sake]

Dammit Legume! What the FUCK is up?! You fall in love, get all soft on
us and NOW, use the JOKE as an excuse to wuss out!!! We all saw what a
pitiful show you made in the Battle of Armageddon...you have NO spine
left and are backing away like a beaten dog! Jump back in BIG MAN!!!

Besides...we'll miss you.....DAMMIT!

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