"Bob" is my crankshaft

By MONTYKINS@news.delphi.com (Monty)
Date: 9 Mar 1995

(#4 in a series)

"Bob" is the crankshaft in the car of my life.

What do I mean by that? Well, basically that if my "life" were a
"car", then "Bob" would be the "crankshaft". Now, when I say
"crankshaft", I really don't know what I'm talking about, I'm
not that much of a car "guy", I don't know a lot about "cars",
but I don't know that much about "Bob", per se, either.

"Bob" is some obscure piece in my life. I don't know quite what
purpose he serves, but I do have faith that he serves some
purpose. I would not be at all surprised, when I die, to have
God say to me, "Well, Mac, there's something wrong with your
"Bob". Now, you can get into Heaven, but if you'd followed
proper maintenance with your "Bob", you'da gotten into Heaven
faster."

Now, I really don't know what "maintenance" my "crankshaft"
needs, I assume it's something to do with "oil" or "gasoline"
or "sunflower seeds" or something greasy. I do know how to keep
my "Bob" up, though.

I need to send money to "Bob". I need to keep "Bob" well
greased. I need to make sure that "Bob" and me are in perfect
working order. And then, once my "Bob" is working in whatever
way that "Bob" works, he can make my life run better. He can
give me - - he can give my soul better "gas mileage".

Well - - I'm not sure that crankshafts have anything to do with
"gas mileage", but . . . he can give my soul whatever . . .
benefit it is that a crankshaft . . . gives . . . to the car.

"Bob" is the _spleen_ of my soul. I don't know quite what it is
he's doing for me. But I'm pretty sure I'd miss it if it were
gone.

-Monty
--
"Come in before you catch your death of mud."

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Subject: Re: "Bob" is my crankshaft
From: sbjohnston@aol.com (SBJohnston)

Monty wrote:

>"Bob" is some obscure piece in my life.
...then...
>"Bob" is the _spleen_ of my soul.

Sorry, Montykins, but the spleen is hardly obscure! It is indeed
absolutely vital. Further, "Bob" is not obscure, but "He" could be a
spleen. One that gets vented periodically.

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Subject: Re: "Bob" is my crankshaft
From: i.stang@metronet.com (Rev. Ivan Stang)

In article <3k0fv4$26s@newsbf02.news.aol.com>, sbjohnston@aol.com
(SBJohnston) wrote:

> Monty wrote:
>
> >"Bob" is some obscure piece in my life.
> ...then...
> >"Bob" is the _spleen_ of my soul.
>
> Sorry, Montykins, but the spleen is hardly obscure! It is indeed
> absolutely vital. Further, "Bob" is not obscure, but "He" could be a
> spleen. One that gets vented periodically.
>

"Bob" is my tonsil. "Bob" is my appendix. "Bob" is my adenoid.
And "Bob" is my supernumerary nipple.

ALL of EVERYTHING is:

--
Copyright 1995 by Rev. Ivan Stang / 1st Orthodox Stangian
MegaFisTemple Lodge of People's Covenant Church of the
Wrath of Dobbs Yeti, Resurrected / The SubGenius Foundation,Inc.
PO Box 140306 Dallas TX 75214 / Fax 214-320-1561 / PRABOB

---------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: "Bob" is my crankshaft
From: M.R.Austin@bradford.ac.uk (MR AUSTIN)
Newsgroups: alt.slack,alt.spleen

: : No, no, I meant "obscure" in the sense of "obscure to ME". All I know
: : about the spleen is that's fun to say. "Hey, doc, it's m' spleen!" It's
: : in my body, so I'll accept that it's vital, but *I* have no idea what
: : it's doing in there.

The spleen is important. But I can't tell you what it actually does... The
government won't let me... (furtive glances in improbable directions)

: : It could be an alien invader for all I know.

Shhhhhhhhh!!!!

: Here's my question. I know that Plato says that the *liver* is
: the organ associated with divination and all other prescience
: such as luck at the races and savvy stock picking. But what
: did he say about the *spleen*, huh?

Plato ignored it. Silly of him. But Zeno waxed lyrical about it in "Spleen
is Man", the only copy of which was confiscated by the US government's
Shadow Agency.... I'm sure that teapot is listening to me...

+=======================================================================+
| [] |
| Matt.R.Austin [] "We will return you to our normal |
| M.R.Austin@bradford.ac.uk [] service as soon as we are certain |
| [] what is normal anyway." |
| [] - Tricia MacMillan, HHGTTG |
+=======================================================================+

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Subject: Re: "Bob" is my crankshaft
From: bdb@shadow.net (Doktor BoogieDown)

MONTYKINS@news.delphi.com (MONTYKINS@DELPHI.COM) wrote:
>No, no, I meant "obscure" in the sense of "obscure to ME". All I know
>about the spleen is that's fun to say. "Hey, doc, it's m' spleen!" It's
>in my body, so I'll accept that it's vital, but *I* have no idea what
>it's doing in there.

The spleen is that splendid organ that secretes a substance that is the
only known substance in the Multi-Verse(tm) that can dissolve, ala digest,
Jujubees. If you've ever assaulted your dental work with a small box
of these puppies at the movie theatre, then you know why it takes a whole
damn ORGAN to combat the intake of these culinary weapons.

FYI...

Doktor BoogieDown

-----
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Doktor, Church of the SubGenius - #include <ordainshipscription.h>
Excrimeditated Congregation of the Overinflated Head of L. Ron Hubbard
HTTP://www.shadow.net./~bdb for a dose of SubMediaBlasphemeWorship

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