If I farted, would that be funny? Or would it be "sick"? Or would the
trajectory of my vomitus have to intersect with the gas cloud escaping
from my anus for my "fart" to be "sick"?
Does "Bob" have a large and throbbing penis sticking out of his forehead
on the cover of RevX, or is that just a typo?
If I were to be sucked feet first into a giant fan, would that be funny?
Or would "Bob" have to pee on me first?
If Connie Chung were to cut her own eyeballs into thin slices with a
razor on network TV, would that be "funny"? Or would Dan Rather have to
do it for her? Or would he have to spread them on toast?
DISCLAIMER: AS GOD IS MY WITNESS, ALL OF MY POSTS ARE WRITTEN WITH COMPLETE
SERIOUSNESS AND REVERENCE. GOD WILL MELT YOU INTO JELL-O IF YOU MAKE FUN
OF ME.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: gunther@bga.com (Joe Newman)
Subject: Re: Is farting funny?
Date: 21 Apr 1995 04:48:53 GMT
In article <3n51f3$bkd@decaxp.harvard.edu>, blackmer@husc7.harvard.edu
says...
>
>If I farted, would that be funny?
Only if your anus were held agape with a C-clamp, and you were waiting
in line to see Santa Claus.
>If I were to be sucked feet first into a giant fan, would that be funny?
>Or would "Bob" have to pee on me first?
Any peespray of "Bob" is clever and amusing. The stream *must* hit
the fan for maximum enjoyment. Jesus says so.
>
>If Connie Chung were to cut her own eyeballs into thin slices with a
>razor on network TV, would that be "funny"?
Yes.
> Or would Dan Rather have to
>do it for her?
Yes, that would enhance the comedy.
>Or would he have to spread them on toast?
Bulbous also tapered.
Thanks for thinking about these items,
Joe Newman
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: Is farting funny?
From: iceknife@ashram.com (ICEKNIFE)
B@> If I farted, would that be funny?
only if you died
B@> Does "Bob" have a large and throbbing penis sticking out of his
B@> forehead on the cover of RevX, or is that just a typo?
both... it's different for each of us. MINE has a star (pentagram) and
the words JULY 5TH... this is to remind me of certain terms of our
contract... none of your business... you'll only find out if you don't
want to know, and by then it'll be too late. NOT ALL OF US ARE GOING...
If yours has a head with a dick on it, I guess you'll have to figure that
one out for yoursmurf, or travel to Dobbstown to seek an ORALACLEMAT (tm).
B@> If I were to be sucked feet first into a giant fan, would that be
B@> funny? Or would "Bob" have to pee on me first?
yes
B@> DISCLAIMER: AS GOD IS MY WITNESS, ALL OF MY POSTS ARE WRITTEN WITH
god is not your witness. god is a witless for the prosecution. yer fucked.
B@> COMPLETE SERIOUSNESS AND REVERENCE. GOD WILL MELT YOU INTO JELL-O IF
B@> YOU MAKE FUN OF ME.
I'm not making fun OF you, I'm making fun AT, ABOUT, AROUND, AND IN YOU!!!
besides, melt someone into jello? like melting someone into icecream...
or ice
HELLGOATS ARE SEXING UP YER GRANDMA... WHY ARE YOU WASTING TIME HERE?
EITHER SAVE THE OLD BITCH OR GET AT THE END OF THE LINE!
ICEKNIFE
... I LIKE NEWT! : SASE & $1 to P.O.BOX 140306 DALLAS TX 75214
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: szjerry@rocky.ucdavis.edu (Jerry Jones)
Subject: Re: Is farting funny?
Farting is, without exception, funny. All other actions,
situations or sayings are subject to approval.
--
`````````````````````````````````````````````````
'When the rivers run full, the trout will walk the earth.'
-----jgj
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: pkitty@netcom.com (Purple Kitty)
Subject: Re: Is farting funny?
Most notably, the posting of boring, meaningless drivel *ABOUT* farting
to a SubGenius newsgroup is, unexceptionally, NOT funny.
--
Meow!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: bmyers@ionet.net (TarlaStar)
Subject: Re: Is farting funny?
blackmer@husc7.harvard.edu (John Blackmer) wrote:
>If I farted, would that be funny? Or would it be "sick"? Or would the
>trajectory of my vomitus have to intersect with the gas cloud escaping
>from my anus for my "fart" to be "sick"?
That depends upon WHAT you farted. If you let fly with the foggy blue
remains of dead smurfs...that's funny. If you simply are releasing
the leftover pizza from last week...well, that's rather mundane.
Try lighting the gas. The chunks from the vomit light up like
sparklers...OOOOH PRETTY!!!!
>Does "Bob" have a large and throbbing penis sticking out of his forehead
>on the cover of RevX, or is that just a typo?
It's real...I'm sitting on the book even as I type...it's the only way
I can stand alt.religion.scientology. I sit on "Bob's" face, and play
"Bob" Marley through the headphones, frop to the max, and thereby
avoid having my head explode all over the keyboard. I mean, even
Hubbard gets lovable with a third nostril fulla smoke, "Could You Be
Loved?" playing in your third ear, while "Bob" fills your third
hole....oh yeah, most of you don't HAVE a third hole...yer loss!
>If I were to be sucked feet first into a giant fan, would that be funny?
>Or would "Bob" have to pee on me first?
HAVE TO? Lissen, there are Arab princes who PAY "Bob" to pee on them.
It seems that "Bob's" golden showers really ARE golden
showers...you just have to let the stuff DRY on you, then shake off
your clothes and voila! Now, admittedly, it DOES take several hundred
of these little urinary tract "gifts" to get enough gold dust to buy
your average burger and fries, but for some...the journey is as
pleasurable as the destination.
>If Connie Chung were to cut her own eyeballs into thin slices with a
>razor on network TV, would that be "funny"? Or would Dan Rather have to
>do it for her? Or would he have to spread them on toast?
Connie Chung...BAH! I spit on Connie Chung! She's the perfect example
(she, and Barbara Walters) of "Harrison Bergeron" syndrome. Hire a
woman to SPEAK IN PUBLIC who just happens to have A SPEECH IMPEDIMENT.
It's sorta like hiring "Zippy" to run a think-tank, or putting Ronald
Reagan in charge of the Government...
>DISCLAIMER: AS GOD IS MY WITNESS, ALL OF MY POSTS ARE WRITTEN WITH COMPLETE
>SERIOUSNESS AND REVERENCE. GOD WILL MELT YOU INTO JELL-O IF YOU MAKE FUN
>OF ME.
Last night...when God and I were basking in the afterglow... S/HE
told me that S/HE really doesn't like you all that much, but that
you're really good at fetching the newspaper. S/HE just doesn't have
the heart to tell you that S/HE's going to eat your soul for breakfast
as soon as you get too old and slow.
If you wear thong panties and pyroflatulate...you get two for one!
--
Reverend Mutha Tarla, Little Sisters of the Perpetually Juicy,
A Proud Jism Schism of the Church of the SubGenius, Worshipping
"Connie" Dobbs and Juicy Retardo since 1986
http://www.ionet.net/~bmyers/homepage.html
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: ricky@nerix.nerdc.ufl.edu (Uncle Bill)
Subject: Re: Is farting funny?
pkitty@netcom.com (Purple Kitty) wrote:
:
: Most notably, the posting of boring, meaningless drivel *ABOUT* farting
: to a SubGenius newsgroup is, unexceptionally, NOT funny.
Did I ever tell you about the man who taught is asshole to speak?
No? Well, never mind. It was an As(s)inine story...
P.S. If you don't have the Spareass Anny CD then YOU LOSE!
March right up to the bozo at the counter of the music
store and ask "Do you have SpareAss Annie by William Burroughs?"
B.T.W. Has "Mildred Pierce Reporting" ever been played on H.o.S.?
It brings tears to my eyes.
P.P.S. Playing "Junkie's Christmas" is a Yuletide tradition in our
household. Make it a tradition in yours.
....................TEAR.ALONG.THE.DOTTED.LINE.....................
Epopt of the Exploding Head of JFK. Licensed to blaspheme the Gods
My skull is bigger on the inside than the outside!
Send $1 to SubGenius Foundation, P.O. Box 140306, Dallas TX 75214
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: Is farting funny?
From: i.stang@metronet.com (Rev. Ivan Stang)
bmyers@ionet.net (TarlaStar) wrote:
> HAVE TO? Lissen, there are Arab princes who PAY "Bob" to pee on them.
> It seems that once "Bob's" golden showers really ARE golden
> showers...you just have to let the stuff DRY on you, then shake off
> your clothes and voila! Now, admittedly, it DOES take several hundred
> of these little urinary tract "gifts" to get enough gold dust to buy
> your average burger and fries, but for some...the journey is as
> pleasurable as the destination.
blackmer@husc7.harvard.edu (John Blackmer) wrote:
> >If Connie Chung were to cut her own eyeballs into thin slices with a
> >razor on network TV, would that be "funny"? Or would Dan Rather have to
> >do it for her? Or would he have to spread them on toast?
Are you people INSANE??? This is supposed to be a RELIGIOUS newsgroup!
You're talking pee, you're talkin' poop, you're talking elbow dicks and
miograting side pussies, oh yeah. OH yeah. But I haven't ONCE heard about
Pee Dog. I haven't ONCE heard Poop Dog's name invoked. Much LESS THE POOP
DOG HAT. And you people call yourselves, "GOOD" SubGeniuses. I haven't
heard anyone witness to Squidecclessians 6:14. I ain't hearing it from
you. I'm waiting to hear some Face Fucking Bat Sperm Antidotesperoidians
18:9 through 15, PUDDING-FOR-A-FACE-ers, but those particular verses
haven't wafted their way to THIS preacher's ears yet. I think this
congregation has some bonin' up to do in PeeScriptures 6:19, Book of
Urinomics. I wanna see some BACK TO THE PAMPHLET TESTIFYING!!
DON'T PUSH ME!!! Or I'll have to format that old stuff. You don't want me
doing that. No-sir. NO SIR-MAAM!
Your Minister,
Rev. Stang
--
Copyright 1995 by Rev. Ivan Stang / 1st Orthodox Stangian
MegaFisTemple Lodge of People's Covenant Church of the
Wrath of Dobbs Yeti, Resurrected / The SubGenius Foundation,Inc.
PO Box 140306 Dallas TX 75214 / Fax 214-320-1561 / PRABOB
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: Is farting funny?
From: blackmer@husc7.harvard.edu (John Blackmer)
Brian Johnsen (johnsen@eskimo.com) wrote:
: B. second mortgaged his soul for Air Jordans and Levis cutoffs.
: I'm jello'us.
: --
: "ET's From Venus Landed In My Wainscotting And Mimed Seventy-Seven Oranges"
: Taunts Emilio Estevez
: --
: Brian Johnsen johnsen@eskimo.com Seattle, Washington USA
Okay now listen up! If I start a thread, I don't want anyone responding
to it with things that are supposed to be "funny" but are really
"incomprehensible". As if I'm supposed to know what a "Levis" is. Some
spoon-like implement? Or am I just guessing here...
Oh yeah, and BE SURE TO TELL ME if you ever think I'm guessing about
something. I hate guessing. Guessing reminds me of bad 'frop'
experiences, which I don't care to have flashbacks of (to? with? by means
of? from. yes... no.) and DON'T YOU FORGET IT! If your father comes home
and sees you letting me guess things, I'm gonna WHUP YER HIDE! PRAISE
DOBBS! And uh... uh... uh...
-agsts q crosspatch
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: Is farting funny?
From: dynasor@infi.net (Dennis McClain-Furmanski)
gilmore@en.com told All:
gc> What's the Yeti consensus on Burroughs anyway? I don't hear him
> mentioned much.
Yeti consensus? You've discovered a new oxymoron. Unless you did it with a
dry cleaner's bag over your head, in which case it's a carbon dioxymoron.
A Yeti consensus would probably be better termed a meme pandemic. If there
weren't drugs to take to cure this condition, Yeti lobes themselves would
leave in search of new bodies to inhabit, and rightly so.
* 2qwk! 1.26b3 * Avian species of identical plumage congregate.
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